idea barrages

by littlefallsmets

Entries 2,277

Page 6 of 92

May 14, 2020

may 16

You’re not important because of how smart you are, how good looking you are, how skilled you are, how rich you are, how loud you are, how much you’ve seen, how much you’ve done. You’re importan...

May 13, 2020

may 15

You know what they say, when life gives you the eggs of giant bird-woman monsters, make harpy hollandaise! Dear conspiracy theorists: I trust China a lot more than I trust Russia. China may b...

May 11, 2020

may 14

Your quarantine dating app will be called “Isomated”. Whenever an NCAA sportsperson (saying Division 1 student-athletes demeans both words) is said to be “in the transfer portal” I imagine th...

May 11, 2020

may 13

The dog would help her make mayonnaise, he was an emulsional support animal. It sure was easy for people up here to “be in solidarity with NYC” after 9/11, when they thought it just meant bei...

May 10, 2020

may 12

This life is about so much more than “winning” but it’s also about so much more than “being right”. Being right doesn’t mean a fart in a tornado if you don’t have the patience to implement what...

May 09, 2020

may 11

If I knew someone named Scott who worked at a Taco Bell, I would go there every day and say “Scotty! Bean me up!” until he quit or killed me. Too fried by all the things going on right now to...

May 09, 2020

may 10

The Gifted & Talented Curse applies to rolling tragedies too. I spent my whole childhood assuming I’d be good at everything immediately & having a panic attack when I wasn’t, so being b...

May 07, 2020

may 9

Your Cherry Poppin’ Daddies parody about toilet paper hoarding called “Poop Shoot Riot” will be awful. A really great insult to throw at a lecherous monster hunter would be to call him “Windo...

May 06, 2020

may 8

In the Southwest, there are dust-devils. Up here, in the early spring, there are “leaves protected from rotting away by the snow” devils instead. It’s an astonishing thing to see. Whenever I ...

May 05, 2020

may 7

You will cover mediocre classic rock as metal under the name REO Bleedwagon. You misheard the little bird, he told you your disguise was falling, which for some would be even worse, but he wa...

May 04, 2020

may 6

I love that facebook is flagging April Fools Day articles as fake news. It’s like driving so fast in a car that the speedometer flips. BIG BRAIN: start a Cameo account even though you’re not ...

May 03, 2020

may 5

For like thirty years, I’d been wondering why The Shredder didn’t take his facemask off, even when he went undercover as a normal non-supervillain non-ninja. It seemed ridiculous. Now I realize...

May 02, 2020

may 4

When this is all over, let’s get together and cover Dylan’s “Not Dark Yet” in the style of Leonard Cohen together. You can tell if you’re in New England or The Middle Atlantic entirely by if ...

May 02, 2020

may 3

A spin-off of 90 DAY FIANCEE called THIS AMERICAN WIFE. You all are reeeeeeaching on your COVID-19 comedy song ideas when the softest-soft-rock-band-of-all The Gin Blossoms have been up there...

May 02, 2020

may 2

You can’t have a CGI adaptation of The Wizard of Oz without “RENDER DOROTHY”. Some day a person with a bank vault fetish will be caught in the act and when he tells the cops “But they told me...

April 30, 2020

may 1

LESS PALL MALLS, MORE PALMOLIVE! Having Zoomed into a writers’ group in Utica and an open mic in Brooklyn today, I reckon I can officially upgrade from “Gen X” to “Millenial”, like, legally. ...

April 28, 2020

apr 30

Maybe the problem is that we called it COVID-19 or Corona Virus. Maybe if we’d called it The Rhythm people would take it more seriously because of the subconscious programming people of a certa...

April 28, 2020

apr 29

90 Day Fiancee but for Americans trying to marry into a country with a sane health care system. “Say Yes to NHS” we’ll call it. No, the BEST name for a death-metal band would be “Gein Day”. ...

April 26, 2020

apr 28

David Icke is a washed-up soccer player who makes a living coating his virulent antisemitism with a thin coat of theories about shapeshifting lizard aliens. If he says it, there is your proof i...

April 25, 2020

apr 27

Drafted into the war between MacDonaldland and the Burger Kingdom, so desperate that civilian officials were up for the draft as well, he took up the rank of Major McCheese. I mean, I’m sure ...

April 25, 2020

apr 26

A parody of Tool’s “Sober” about eating soba noodles? Quarantine pick-up lines: “would you like to shelter-on-face?” LESS DIRECT MESSAGES, MORE DUNGEON MASTERS! As if we’re not suffering ...

April 23, 2020

apr 25

If you’re both into cheesy weepies but still hook up afterwards, instead of “Netflix and chill” you can be “Beaches and cream”. I wish that summoning medical equipment was as easy as yelling ...

April 22, 2020

apr 24

The emotional rollercoaster that’s the uncertainty of life in time of plague, man, I intellectually expected it but really-real ready for it, I was not. Everything, the fear, the little goods y...

April 21, 2020

apr 23

Give yourself credit just for making it through a day, these days. A redneck warlock who lives in a weird hut by the swamp called Bubba Yaga. In L.A. you avoid contact with people by traffi...

April 20, 2020

apr 22

Nah, a “My Sharona” riff about Corona virus, that’s easy level parody, that’s Local Morning Zoo level. Get you a man who sings “Covid Covid Covid Covid Chameleon” to himself in the shower. If...

Book Description

originally, I went to college to be a comedy writer
the urge to still generate short form ideas remains
I collect, once or twice a day, my one-liner jokes
and my germs of ideas that I litter on social media
into little collections I call “barrages”
and then I put them here