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Out of this world
That is where my thoughts have been.....Today after the horrible DMV, I got some drinks with Damion and then I went to the philosophy group. It was quite an interesting conversation and it is nic...
Limbo
Here I am lingering in limbo. Sometimes I feel like I have so much to say and so much to do in this world, and other times I feel like I have absolutely nothing. I'm tired of my mind. This sounds...
Thoughts and nothing.
I realize I have a lot of desires to be wild, but no avenue to pursue. I suppose that is a good thing. There is always something that holds me back. Mainly, it is the inability to get anywhere kn...
4/29/14
Today I worked a closing shift and made 200 bucks! I had to tip out 70 of it though, but still...walking with 130 on a Tuesday is good. I think I prefer week night closing shifts because I have w...
Bottle of Captain
Saturday night this guy I work with invited me to Shamrock's to see his band play. I asked Peter if he wanted to go and he said his gf would be picking him up and that he would meet me there. I e...
II
PAST I was seventeen when I first found Paradise, a small town just past the California border and into Oregon. I left home that summer vowing to never turn back. With an ounce of weed, my favor...
Random nights
I live for nights like this I swear! So I went out with those two guys who I met at YH the other night. Damion picked me up and we went to some bar. We were having a very interesting conversation...
-SP WELL. I broke the news to D's friend at work and I am pretty sure the word is finally out. It is definitely tricky to make sure it's known that I want an NSA without sounding like a slut or ...
April 17th, 2014
I've basically been working a lot and not doing much else, but I did get two days off in a row this week! Yesterday I hung out with Orlando at our usual spot and then went to therapy....there is ...
Out and about
I went out with this guy Arthur the other night. I met him at Drea's wedding, he was the photographer. He seemed like a really nice guy, definitely not my type, but someone positive that would be...
Thoughts
Every Wednesday is the day I meet up with Orlando in Claremont to discuss philosophical topics. Yesterday we talked about obtaining the ultimate conscious and how many people believe the consciou...
A night out
The other night I got out of work around 10 and Peter invited me to get some beers with him....he told me he would pick me up in 20 minutes so I was waiting for him at my apartment.....an hour pa...
First shift
Last night was my first alone shift. I was out on the patio and it was pretty busy. It was somewhat overwhelming because the table systems are crazy there and my section was mid patio and they ke...
Pranic healing
I went to this pranic healing session last night and was there for three hours! It was a long, detailed workshop and I learned a lot. I was a bit of a skeptic, until I started feeling like energy...
Alone
Well things have been getting better in some aspects, but also getting worse in some aspects. Rodney left to go back to Massachusetts yesterday. He couldn't handle our living situation, especiall...
Waiting for my life to begin
The one thing about constantly changing your life is the time period between ending an old life and the beginning of a new life. It takes a lot out of your Self to start fresh constantly, but lik...
Really?
I came "home" from a nice two days away from this place and the Douche is here. (The sperm donor) only to announce he is moving in whether I like it or not. That turned into a screaming match aga...
Psychotherapy
Since I'm back in Cali, and a lot of my friends have since moved away from the general area, I have joined a few MeetUps. I attended a meeting for a psychotherapy group last night and I went in w...
Moving forward without looking back
The difficult part is all the bullshit I've had to deal with in California for many years. The scariest was the drugs. Yes I've had my own stint with certain drugs in the past but I'm far past th...
The roadtrip 2014
I left Massachusetts on the 12th and it is now the 23! The days literally flew by and I lost track of time, which is a great feeling. Waking up every day in a different state is amazing! I have g...
going away party
Wow where do I begin? We started at V's house with a bottle of wine and she got me the cutest going away gift- a friendship box and a very nice card. We toasted and R and I worked on our canvas w...
March
Only a few more days and we will be on the road! I'm stressed about a few things: My car obviously....I trust my car because we've been through so much together and having it for ten years, I've ...
Violaine's 30th Birthday
Yesterday Rodney and I went out to Boston to celebrate V's 30th! We went to this place called the Living Room and it was very nice. Unfortunately, she had changed the reservation time to 8 and di...
Two more weeks.
Two more weeks in Massachusetts and then I never have to see this place again!!! I am so excited. I have already loaded up my car with everything from Dave's apartment because I need to know how ...
Valentine's Day
Well today is day four of no cigarette. I think I can quit for good after this. It's kind of ironic because Professor is also in the process of quitting and whenever I see his updates it makes me...
Book Description
“You don’t write because you want to say something, you write because you have to say something.” F. Scott Fitzgerald
I’m starting this book because I felt it silly to add to the book of entries I uploaded from Open Diary. This is a new website, a site that will take some time getting used to, but I want to start a new chapter. I have re-read many entries while copy/pasting them onto this site and realized truly how spastic I am. I am all over the place. Which is why the quote by Sylvia Plath was chosen to be My Official Quote for this site. “If neurotic is wanting two mutually exclusive things at one and the same time, then I’m neurotic as hell. I’ll be flying back and forth between one mutually exclusive thing and another for the rest of my days.”
I’ve definitely been flying all over the place my entire life…mentally and physically. I now want to start this book because, like Fitzgerald says, I absolutely need to write. I need to be okay with the person I am. I need to sort out my thoughts. And I especially need to vent and connect with other like minded individuals.
In the end, I am just a wanderer in search of what this world really means, in search of what my existence really means.
