Out of this world in The Wanderer

That is where my thoughts have been.....Today after the horrible DMV, I got some drinks with Damion and then I went to the philosophy group. It was quite an interesting conversation and it is nice to know others who have the same thoughts about this society as I do. It is very easy to feel like the odd dude out out here in So Cal where everyone seems dull as a rock with no thoughts of their own! I have been spending a lot of my time looking for avenues out of this shithole, but when it comes down to it, I know I am stuck here for some time. Life is so much harder being single than it was when I was married. I'm like..fuck I have to do everything ...all by myself?!?! No wonder I fell into a marriage so fast when I tried to be all on my own in Washington. It literally saved me from drowning. I am a firm believer in a partnership these days because it is very tough to make it on your own. But I don't think I ever want to rely on someone again because I'm not very good at compromising :) ...If I ever try again to be out there on my own, I have to make at least 40K a year plus benefits. And that is not going to be happening anytime soon, especially since college seems way out of the picture now. I found an awesome job in Washington---Human Resource Consultant for the Department of Ecology! Yeah, if only I had my BA in HR and three years of experience. Sigh. I feel too old NOT to have the qualifications. This is such a difficult part of my life. If I make it out alive, I will be very surprised. Thankfully alcohol and work keep my mind off of this shit for the most part. I've been working my ass off all month and made about 2500, but had to already spend most of it on stupid shit. Taxes that I owed in Mass. Registration for Cali. TWO car insurance payments since Dave can't get me off the other one until I have Cali plates on my car. Which I can't get until I get a stupid smog check. Money I owe Dave every month. Rent. Electric bill. Etc etc etc. I have 600 left. Dave says don't get down, it is only this one month of shit I have to take care of and the rest of the time I can work on saving. But saving to get out of debt. So not really. I can't wait until my credit score is 700 again. I will be completely debt free. (Besides school loans which I should have paid off by the end of this year!) This year is just going to be my "erase" year where I spend it all erasing the shit that I owe everyone and everything. Then next year I will be back on track. With a residency. Hopefully with a school that accepts my application. And with a real credit score! For now it is work work work at LEAST 6 days a week....and of course drinking on the side to keep me sane :)