Alone in The Wanderer

Well things have been getting better in some aspects, but also getting worse in some aspects. Rodney left to go back to Massachusetts yesterday. He couldn't handle our living situation, especially with my dad back in the picture. There was too much drama, and him and I were just arguing nonstop. He wanted me to be 100% in our relationship, but I told him over and over again, even before we moved out here, that I was going to have to deal with a lot of shit and our relationship, which was never even a serious one, wasn't going to take precedent. He was getting more and more clingy, trying hard to get me "in the mood", trying to get me drunk, and I was just like Dude. No. Not in the mood. So it sucks that he just left, he did it all behind my back while I was at work. When I got home everything was packed up, plane ticket purchased, rental car, etc. And I was just like Wow...couldn't even talk to me about this first? But it was too late....and when I saw that, and I saw the look in his eye, all I though was Wow, how pathetic? What a pathetic loser. Running back to his daddy. I seriously hate men. Okay, not all, but most. They are so pathetic and stupid.

I deleted my facebook for awhile because I don't want everyone over there messaging me "What happened?!?" I just want to move forward now.

Good things that have been happening, my parents have gotten off of my back. They aren't yelling and screaming at me anymore. I kind of had a "fake apology talk" with my Dad. I just want to be left alone. I want to work, save up and get out, but in the mean time try to keep some peace for my own sanity.

Therapy has been going well. There are a lot of A Ha moments. I will vent about something and then one of the therapists will tell me the reason such and such happened and I will just be like Wow that makes total sense. The other ladies in the group and I connect really well and I am just glad I have a little support group to go to every week.

Orlando and I hung out and I forgot how much I love hanging out with that dude. We had a three hour discussion about philosophy, and life, and politics, and it felt good to just talk to someone who knows something about something.

Justin and I had a two hour conversation on the phone last night. He really is a great person to talk to. He was telling me he just goes to school and hangs out by himself most of the time, so I could kind of relate to him at the moment. I need to get out of the social mind frame that I have because it will save me money by not going out all the time, and I can really get a lot of personal things done. He really wants me to get into Game of Thrones, so I tried to watch the first episode and after about ten minutes I was just like Uhhh No. Not my cup of tea. He really wants me to visit him in August, so I will probably do that. He also really wants me to move back to Washington so he keeps giving me ideas to save money it's funny.

I am going to go talk to Cal State San Bernardino and see what kind of programs they offer over there. I am waiting for my divorce to finalized (which might actually happen today!) and then I should be set to get my fafsa going independently! I can't wait to get things rolling with school. I've been talking to so many people and all of them are like Get into health! Be a nurse! But I really do not want to do that! After I talk to a counselor at school I know I will have a better idea, but it really will be either education or human resources. Something without needles and scrubs, and something where I will be helping people. I hate how the older I have gotten, the harder it has become to visualize an actual career, and the schooling I will be spending a lot of money on.

Anyway, hope everyone else is doing well!