JustWillow ⋅ 41

Well-behaved women seldom make history…

Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

Entries 73

Page 1 of 3

…is no fun. I hurt myself repeatedly. Not physically, but mentally and emotionally. I jerk myself around. I feel one thing one day and the opposite the next. I have random thoughts that cut like...


August 10, 2019

Addicted. in Letters To My Love

I find myself worrying occasionally about the level of emotions I experience in connection with you. I’m concerned about the depth, the intensity. I’m afraid of the addiction-like feeling I have ...


August 07, 2019

You. in Phoenix

I’ve discovered something that feels pretty amazing (and kinda creepy). It’s what I’m going to think of as a new form of self care. Just scrolling through our… pic-chat? Just looking at all the p...


July 28, 2019

Acceptance. in Phoenix

This is a thing that I’m learning a lot about, both how to accept things and how to feel accepted. I’ve never had trouble accepting some things, especially if they were things that made me feel a...


July 19, 2019

The Shiny Wears Off in Phoenix

Random thought that popped into my head just a few minutes ago. He called me adorable. I get all weird with compliments. I don’t know how to react to them. I get all shy and weird and try to curl...


July 12, 2019

Holding Back. in Phoenix

Over the years I was with the douchetastic Wanker, I developed a habit I can’t stop thinking about lately, a habit I’m wondering if I should, and even if I could, break. He wasn’t a “tactile per...


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July 01, 2019

Gratitude. in Phoenix

Have I written about gratitude before? I don’t know. But I’m going to right now because it’s what is on my mind. Feeling and expressing gratitude is incredibly important to me. It keeps me away f...


June 30, 2019

Hard Day. in Phoenix

This was a hard day at work, but it’s a hard day in another, more profound way. In a somewhat unexpected way. These are the days that are going to be the hardest for me. Hard day at work and all ...


June 21, 2019

Who I Am. in Phoenix

Maybe I’m an enabler. Maybe I don’t know how to be unkind, even to people who don’t deserve my kindness. Maybe I don’t know how to be without compassion and empathy, even for people who don’t des...


June 20, 2019

Empowered. in Phoenix

Find a person who makes you feel empowered. Invincible. Undoubtedly loved, admired, and respected. Desired is pretty fucking nice, too. Find a person that, no matter how hard you look at them, yo...


June 18, 2019

Dear You, in Phoenix

You came into my life when I needed a friend something fierce. You invited me into your circle, into your life, and suddenly I had so many new friends and I finally felt like I was in a place I f...


June 17, 2019

ADHD Mania. in Phoenix

That’s what I got going on! I can definitely feel the mania ramping up and my ADHD is in overdrive. I can’t focus on anything for more than a few minutes or even seconds. My brain is on fire. L...


June 16, 2019

Dysfunctional. in Phoenix

I wasn’t raised in a dysfunctional family in the traditional sense of dysfunctional, I think. But I was definitely dysfunctional and so were most of my family members individually. My family was ...


June 16, 2019

She is me. in Phoenix

There have always been things I was interested in, things I wanted to try, see, do. I’ve also always restrained myself in so many ways for so many reasons, the biggest two being low self-esteem a...


June 14, 2019

Love Hard. in Phoenix

I don’t know how to love a little. I love hard, with all that I am. Yeah, that’s not a good thing, folks. At least, it hasn’t been. I’ve had a real bad habit of throwing myself into another perso...


June 12, 2019

Abused. in Phoenix

Reading this today on Facebook stunned me speechless for a moment. This is how I’ve lived my entire adult life, accepting abuse with love because that’s all I’ve ever known. I think my mind has ...


June 11, 2019

Rage. in Phoenix

It’s what’s for dinner. I’ve had a few random bursts of almost uncontrollable rage today. That hasn’t happened in a very long time, many months. Maybe even years. It’s been a long time since I’ve...


He says that a lot. “We’ll figure things out in a way that makes sense.” And, you know, we will. Everything about us makes sense, so why wouldn’t we be able to figure things out in a way that als...


He baked me banana bread, ya’ll. A man. Baked. Banana bread. For me. Take note, boys. Bitches love banana bread. And not just any old banana bread, no sir. Special fancy banana bread baked with ...


June 06, 2019

Four Years Ago. in Phoenix

If I don’t stand up for myself, I’m weak, a doormat. If I do speak up, I’m being a bitch. If I keep quiet about my feelings, I’m bottling them up. If I let them out, if I’m honest with someone ab...


June 03, 2019

Deprivation. in Phoenix

I spent the majority of my childhood feeling deprived of affection. My family was just not very expressive about emotion, either verbally or physically. I just don’t really remember a lot of hugs...


June 03, 2019

Men Are Garbage. in Phoenix

Yeah, yeah, I know, #NotAllMen. Just fucking save it, eh? I was giving a friend a ride home tonight (technically last night… I haven’t slept yet.) and I said damn, we should have stopped for an a...


May 31, 2019

Partner. in Phoenix

That’s all I’ve ever really wanted, you know? That one person I could always count on to have my back when I really needed them. Someone to learn and grow with, and grow old with. I just don’t t...


May 30, 2019

#MeToo in Phoenix

I haven’t really participated in this whole #metoo thing. I mean, I’ve… well, I read a lot… but I never told my story. I couldn’t. No way could I Tweet it or Facebook it or… I mean, I talked abou...


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