🌈 JustWillow 🦄 ⋅ 43

Well-behaved women seldom make history…

Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

Entries 160

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December 14, 2020

Fucking Whiners in Random Rants

Seeing people whine about not being able to see their families for Christmas is just the fucking most, ain’t it? These people would risk grandma’s life, risk not having all the same family member...


December 13, 2020

Suppression in Mental Health

That’s how I’ve been able to get to the point I’m at with mental illness. It’s not that I have it under control so much as I’ve just gotten very, very good at suppressing it, at suppressing any ...


December 05, 2020

Permission in Once more, with feeling...

That’s what it feels like, a bit. Like finally being seen, feeling seen, and being and feeling loved, is what allowed me to see and love myself, to accept myself as I am, to be more gentle with m...


It’s been a rough few days/weeks/months/year. I’ve been manic for… I don’t know how long. Awhile. If only it was the kind of manic that allowed me to accomplish many things. It has been that k...


November 12, 2020

I'm okay. in Mental Health

I’m not okay right this minute, but I’m okay. Everything is temporary. Nothing lasts forever. The sun will shine again. I have things to feel hopeful about even if I don’t feel any hope right n...


Experiment failed. Extreme mania was triggered. I was clenching my jaw so hard for several days that it still hurts after not taking any Adderall for 3 days, like I got punched on both sides of m...


October 30, 2020

Adderall Day 1.5 in Mental Health

The overall feeling of general well-being lasted through the whole day and evening. Unfortunately, the insomnia side-effect is definitely a thing. Considering I already had insomnia, I’m not surp...


October 29, 2020

Adderall Day 1 in Mental Health

It’s been about 5 hours since my first dose of 20mg Adderall XR. I am feeling pretty calm and have been able to take care of several phone calls that I’ve been putting off (forgetting) for sever...


October 27, 2020

Hang-up in Once more, with feeling...

It’s this thing I just can’t get past, I don’t know how, not even sure if I could or should. I sit here sometimes and all I want is to hear your voice. I sometimes wish you could see what it’s l...


October 26, 2020

2 1/2 Years in Mental Health

In the two years and five months since the Wanker went to jail, I have accomplished more than in the thirty-nine years and seven months prior. So, I suppose I might have a little something to be ...


October 26, 2020

Dear you, in Phoenix

I would have believed you. If you’d told me what he was like instead of being vague and refusing to talk about it, I would have believed you. By the time I contacted you, I was already unsure and...


I think I was wrong. In therapy, back in 2012, she tried to get me to talk about my mother. My mother who died in 2011. And I said no, no point in talking about that, she’s dead, she’s gone, the...


October 10, 2020

ADHD, Combined Type in Mental Health

“This, the most common type of ADHD, is characterized by impulsive and hyperactive behaviors as well as inattention and distractibility.” To me, it kinda seems like double-whammy ADHD. I wish I o...


September 27, 2020

Motherhood in Mental Health

I’m not cut out for it. I never should have had children. I have never been emotionally equipped to deal with it. I guess I should be thankful that this is the last one I have to go through puber...


September 20, 2020

Is it possible... in Mental Health

…to love you too much? Would it be possible to be overly expressive? Am I? Am I annoying about it? Am I too much? I have recently recognized this thing, this fear, and I don’t know if it’s valid...


September 14, 2020

Unreal in Phoenix

You’re like make-believe. A daydream, a fairy tale, a fantasy. Sometimes I wonder if I made it all up in my mind. Like maybe one day I really did break completely and I’m actually heavily medicat...


September 13, 2020

A study in mushrooms... in Mental Health

Magic mushrooms, that is. Typing is funny. The letters on the screen, hilarious. I am still aware of typos, at least. Okay, so everything above this was written at approximately 9pm last night, S...


September 11, 2020

Would you tell me if... in Mental Health

I was too much? I had become annoying? I was no longer worth it? I talked too much? You didn’t want me around anymore? Or would you pity me? Be afraid of my fragility? Do I seem fragile? I feel f...


September 09, 2020

Love and ADHD. in Mental Health

I’ve always lived under the shadow of the idea that good things would never happen to me because I don’t exactly have a history of good things happening. There were moments in time that I experie...


August 24, 2020

Not fast enough. in Mental Health

I’ve been working on my mental health for 30 years, since I was maybe 12 and first heard of the concept of mental illness. I honestly can’t even remember what it was, that first reference that ma...


I ain’t got none. Kinda lost my shit at work today when I didn’t really need to but had no control over it. Like none. Zero. In an instant, my heart was racing, I was trembling, all the air had b...


July 20, 2020

Out of my league. in Mental Health

That’s how I’ve always felt about pretty much everyone, like I’m just this little nothing small-town girl and I don’t fit in, I’m not good enough, smart enough, educated enough. It’s a particular...


July 19, 2020

Conversation. in Mental Health

I would kill for one right now. Like one of those things where you make a pot of coffee and a friend comes over and you drink coffee and smoke a bunch of cigarettes and maybe some weed, too, and ...


July 17, 2020

Disillusioned. in Mental Health

Sad. Confused. Depressed. Hopeless. There’s just too much bad news. I made a new Facebook account to escape some of it. That was literally easier than going through and un-following a ton of pag...


Children are to be seen and not heard. Those two statements pretty much sum up everything I learned from my mother as a young child. Unfortunately, they have carried over well into adulthood. I s...


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