JustWillow ⋅ 41

Well-behaved women seldom make history…

Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

Entries 92

Page 1 of 4

6 days ago

Fever in Phoenix

I feel like I’m on fire. I’ve become what feels like obsessed with painting, and with learning more about watercolors through endless YouTube videos. The last thing I picked up like this was cook...


October 14, 2019

Inner Earthquake in Phoenix

Sometimes I realize something about myself that hits me so hard it feels like there’s a tiny little earthquake happening right at the very center of my body. I feel like I’m quaking from the ins...


October 13, 2019

Courage. in Letters To My Love

You make me feel brave. Confident. Capable. When I look at myself through your words and actions, I see someone very different from who I thought I was. I perceive myself in a different way. You ...


October 11, 2019

Inner Peace in Mental Health

I’ve had this strange feeling lately, a new feeling, one I don’t quite understand. I think it’s peace. Acceptance. Yes, maybe acceptance. I feel like I am just letting life come at me day by day....


October 05, 2019

Balance. in Letters To My Love

Balance, for me, is a tenuous thing. I’m never quite feeling level, you know? I’m constantly teetering, wobbling, waiting to either fall down or get pushed over. But, lately, I’m feeling a much s...


September 30, 2019

Unspoken in Mental Health

I have at least 37 random thought-marbles rolling around in my skull at any given moment. Sometimes, they roll by and away, no idea where they get off to, and sometimes they roll around and aroun...


September 27, 2019

Awkward. in Mental Health

I feel like all I’ve ever wanted was to fade into the background, go unnoticed by most, and yet all I’ve ever done is stick out like a sore thumb. People may not think I’m being awkward or acting...


September 20, 2019

Going Back. in Mental Health

Maybe I don’t have to do that. Maybe that’s a stupid idea. There are things about me, things that used to be and things that were not. Part of my journey into this “new” life, this “new” self, h...


September 20, 2019

Fulfillment. in Mental Health

I’ve spent my whole life looking for fulfillment outside of myself. This is a thing, that very sentence, that only just occurred to me in just the right way to be really significant. Sometimes, w...


September 17, 2019

Love. in Letters To My Love

I thought I knew what love was. I thought I recognized the feelings of falling in love and of being in love. I thought I knew what loving someone meant, what giving and receiving love felt like. ...


September 12, 2019

Impulsive. in Mental Health

I’ve always been an impulsive person. Snap decisions happen far too often, and they’re usually bad decisions. I fly through a range of emotions in a heartbeat, thoughts and feelings all jumbled u...


September 10, 2019

Poverty Level. in Phoenix

I just got my email pay stub for the check I’ll get Friday. I looked at the YTD column, which is not a thing I have paid attention to for a long while. Then I looked at the calendar and did a lit...


September 09, 2019

Mindfulness. in Mental Health

So, what feels like a really horrible thing happened today, a thing I’m not sure can be repaired. But some really important things are happening now, since the thing that feels like the worst thi...


September 02, 2019

Charitable. in Letters To My Love

But that’s not it, is it? You aren’t just being charitable with me, are you? Uhuh. You genuinely don’t see me that way, do you? Some poor little thing to be pitied. Obviously in need of saving. ...


September 02, 2019

Once Upon a Time... in Phoenix

I had this therapist, this tiny little hobbit of a woman who reminded me of Dr. Ruth without the accent. I think I was around 26 or 27 years old at that time, so a good 15 years ago. I was not in...


August 31, 2019

Pain. in Phoenix

Had a really hard day at work today. Almost 11 hours. I am not cut out for that and I don’t know how to make my chef understand. I mean, I guess there’s no way to make him understand. The man doe...


August 30, 2019

Evolution. in Phoenix

Evolution is a painfully slow process, both in nature, and in me. I am very hesitant to change. I do a thing a way and that’s just the way I do that thing. Until I start to change the way I do th...


August 21, 2019

I am not okay. in Phoenix

Have to drive several hundred miles tomorrow to take my son to college. My baby is leaving. I’ve been fine, mostly, until today. Today, I can’t stop crying. I can’t stop trying to imagine what it...


August 20, 2019

I Love You. in Letters To My Love

This thing, today? Me and the way I acted? The things I said and how I said them? That’s me being bi-polar. Like I said, tomorrow I could wake up and everything will be rainbows and puppies. My t...


August 20, 2019

Being Bi-Polar... in Mental Health

…is no fun. I hurt myself repeatedly. Not physically, but mentally and emotionally. I jerk myself around. I feel one thing one day and the opposite the next. I have random thoughts that cut like...


August 10, 2019

Addicted. in Letters To My Love

I find myself worrying occasionally about the level of emotions I experience in connection with you. I’m concerned about the depth, the intensity. I’m afraid of the addiction-like feeling I have ...


August 07, 2019

You. in Phoenix

I’ve discovered something that feels pretty amazing (and kinda creepy). It’s what I’m going to think of as a new form of self care. Just scrolling through our… pic-chat? Just looking at all the p...


July 28, 2019

Acceptance. in Phoenix

This is a thing that I’m learning a lot about, both how to accept things and how to feel accepted. I’ve never had trouble accepting some things, especially if they were things that made me feel a...


July 19, 2019

The Shiny Wears Off in Phoenix

Random thought that popped into my head just a few minutes ago. He called me adorable. I get all weird with compliments. I don’t know how to react to them. I get all shy and weird and try to curl...


July 12, 2019

Holding Back. in Phoenix

Over the years I was with the douchetastic Wanker, I developed a habit I can’t stop thinking about lately, a habit I’m wondering if I should, and even if I could, break. He wasn’t a “tactile per...


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