🌈 JustWillow 🦄 ⋅ 44

Well-behaved women seldom make history…

Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

Entries 194

Page 1 of 8

Several times over the years, I was on various antidepressants. Only antidepressants because I’m a woman and, you know, whenever there’s something “wrong” with a woman, it’s obviously just depres...


February 03, 2022

Also... in Like No One Is Reading

I am feeling incredibly fragile right now, a bit like blown glass that could shatter at any moment, and do not feel capable of direct communication. The thought of it, of answering your messages,...


It is going to take me some time to feel comfortable and safe again. I don’t believe that your intention is ever to harm me. I don’t think you dialed the phone today with the intention of… well, ...


February 03, 2022

Crisis in Like No One Is Reading

When someone is trying to talk to you about their mental health status, try just listening instead of actively thinking of ways to “help.” If you’re thinking of ways to help, you aren’t actually ...


December 17, 2021

Daydreams in Like No One Is Reading

Me: -expresses a thought/opinion/idea- Men: No, I don’t think that’s right. What I think is… Me: -screams unintelligibly, pulls hair from head, runs into forest, never returns-


I fully believe that, if I were telling you the story of what happened between us today but it actually took place between myself and another man, you would say that that man was gaslighting me. ...


December 11, 2021

Not-shiny in Like No One Is Reading

I haven’t felt shiny since that time you saw me have a meltdown. As a matter of fact, I’m still shocked you stayed with me after that. I’ve been waiting for ‘the end’ ever since, the message, ema...


I have very few friends who really know me, who I’m open and honest and completely myself with. Like… two. Okay, okay, it’s like none, because I’m never 100% open and honest about things that a...


Every little thing agitates me. Every social media post triggers something inside me, some long-lost memory or emotion, some outrage or some pain. The most recent, just minutes ago, was somethin...


December 07, 2021

Under duress. in Like No One Is Reading

I can make a list, count up accomplishments, I have done so much in my life, survived so much. And I’m proud, really, I am. But I feel like a large portion of the things I’ve done were accomplis...


December 06, 2021

I'm allowed. in Like No One Is Reading

Sometimes I feel very loved but not liked a whole lot. This is not a new feeling, so I know that it is likely something coming from within me. Not to mention, I’ve had people in my life tell me ...


For pretty much all of my life, I have been plagued by those negative, intrusive thoughts that I mentioned in the previous entry. I recognize that the intrusive thoughts are a symptom of OCD and ...


October 09, 2021

OCD in Mental Health

So, the new SSRI I’m on is supposed to help with OCD symptoms as well as major depressive disorder and, holy shit, does it work. I have never felt so stable, so balanced, so… rational. I still h...


September 19, 2021

Better. in Mental Health

Since my last entry, I’ve had several therapy sessions and, finally, a very long session with the psychiatrist. It was brilliant, really. Best psych appointment I’ve ever had. He spent 2 hours wi...


August 19, 2021

Not okay. in Mental Health

Just really not. Feeling empty and manic and paralyzed and so sad. It was sudden. I think. Maybe I just can’t see it coming anymore. Or didn’t see it this time. This is my least favorite of al...


I think that maybe I have been putting on a happy face for so long that I’ve driven myself into a downward spiral. I’ve pushed aside “negative” emotions, ignored them, and forced myself to focus ...


Prescribed: 10mg twice a day. Actually taking: 5mg in the morning, 5mg about 4 hours later. One day I took another 5mg 4 hours after the second dose but didn’t like that. Side-effects are… the s...


Social Security called today and, after my wonderful conversation with a very nice woman, I feel a lot better about applying. I obviously don’t have any indication that I’m going to be approved o...


I fought back tears and, shaking the whole way, drove to the new job place. At the front desk were two women. I was 30 minutes early. I was shaking like a leaf and suddenly my eyes were full of t...


May 02, 2021

Oof. in Like No One Is Reading

So much anxiety today. Supposed to start a new job in about 3 hours and I have zero spoons. But, I went to bed super early (for me, anyway) last night and woke up early this morning and told mys...


Maybe I could create a character who is just like me except none of the depression and anxiety and bullshit. She’s quirky and silly and a little child-like. She doesn’t get nervous in public. She...


My anxiety. My brain. My mouth. Totally out of control. I suddenly don’t feel comfortable in my own skin anymore. Painful self-consciousness. I talk a lot generally but I talk even more when I’m ...


I can remember, as a small child, watching other children, studying them, and mimicking their behaviors. Trying to, anyway. The one behavior I could never mimic was the sitting still one. I had t...


April 26, 2021

Too much. in Like No One Is Reading

I just am. Too much for myself, too much for anyone else, just too much. I’m equal parts overwhelmed and overwhelming. It was said that I am seeing things through “this lens of ADHD” and, reall...


“Dissociation is a break in how your mind handles information. You may feel disconnected from your thoughts, feelings, memories, and surroundings. It can affect your sense of identity and your pe...


Books 7


55 Entries
Public

10 Entries
Public

102 Entries
Public

67 Entries
Public

12 Entries
Public

2 Entries
Public

6 Entries
Public