🌈 JustWillow 🦄 ⋅ 42

Well-behaved women seldom make history…

Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

Entries 130

Page 1 of 6

I’m noticing lately that I’m actually experiencing disgust at “normal” relationship stuff I see on Facebook. Memes and such, you know, things that say, with really poor spelling and grammar, some...


May 13, 2020

Obsessed. in Mental Health

I am obsessive. Well, obsessive-compulsive. One of the things I’m obsessed with is efficiency. I like picking tasks apart and figuring out the most efficient ways of completing them. No, wait, I...


Having you in my life has brought me a sense of peace and security that I’ve never experienced before. I think I have never really believed that someone, anyone, loved me. I mean, romantically. I...


March 19, 2020

Pandemic in Mental Health

Self-isolation is nothing new to me. It’s something I have been doing on and off (mostly on) for a lot of my adult life. Forced self-isolation doesn’t feel so great, though. And I’m not completel...


February 25, 2020

LSD Revelations in Mental Health

So, yeah, I honestly don’t feel like I have PTSD anymore. Like, I don’t have the crippling-anxiety-hyperventilating-might-be-about-to-die bad memory flashbacks anymore. The memories are still the...


February 09, 2020

Hard to love. in Mental Health

I was told that many times, by many men. I am hard to love. I believed that for a long time. Hell, I think a part of me still believes it. All the time, I think to myself, “Don’t do that, you’ll ...


February 06, 2020

Back to work. in Mental Health

After almost a month off due to crazy neck and head shit, I got to go back to work today. I made it 5 hours without much pain. Mostly back and neck spasms and a dull little headache. I think this...


January 29, 2020

Vote. in Phoenix

Vote as if… Your skin is not white. Your parents need medical care. Your spouse is an immigrant. Your land is on fire. Your child is transgender. Your house is flooded. Your sister is a victim of...


January 27, 2020

I didn't plan for this... in Phoenix

And I certainly never expected or imagined it. This… me. Who I am now. (this is just who i am now) So, three weeks ago, I had another LSD experience. It was… everything. Transcendent. Absolute pe...


January 03, 2020

That feeling when... in Mental Health

… you have a complete meltdown on your almost-12-year-old son because you realize in the middle of your lecture that you shouldn’t be surprised at all by his shitty ass behavior. All he’s ever se...


December 26, 2019

Old Habits. in Phoenix

I’m recognizing some behaviors that I’m not certain I should maintain. They feel… trained. Like, I was taught to be this way, to feel this way, and maybe I shouldn’t… I get bad feelings sometimes...


December 23, 2019

Me. in Mental Health

That was a thing I never allowed myself to be. Once in awhile, she’d leak out a little, but I always had to stuff her back in her box and keep her quiet because… Well, we all know why. Every tim...


December 23, 2019

Boundaries. in Mental Health

I think I never learned what boundaries were in the terms of which I think of them now, as an adult. The concept of personal boundaries is fairly new to me, actually. Like, maybe in the last year...


December 18, 2019

Insecurity. in Mental Health

I was going to title this entry “Fear,” but I realized that my fears are rooted in insecurities. My dad died. Of course I’m depressed. I can tell myself, and everyone else, that he’s better off n...


December 16, 2019

Orphan. in Phoenix

I have no parent now. My dad died early Saturday morning. I got the call from my sister at about 6pm Saturday night. Because, you know, she had to call everyone else first and also make a point o...


December 13, 2019

Two in a row. in Mental Health

I feel like I keep messing up. I don’t talk about the right things, or say the right things sometimes. I feel like it annoys you and then I ask myself, “Who should I be so as not to annoy him?” A...


December 09, 2019

Rainy Season in Mental Health

It’s been 6 days since my second LSD trip. I am not experiencing the same effects as the first time, the lack of anxiety, the euphoria. I mean, I am, but not as intensely. Also, I have no idea wh...


December 07, 2019

Vacation. in Phoenix

I just got back from 5 days in Chicago. First of all, I had the most incredible, interesting, fun, happy, and sad vacation of my life. I think if there is a human emotion that exists, I experienc...


November 29, 2019

Dissociation. in Mental Health

I did the stupid thing and went on the internet to diagnose myself. I actually filled out this questionnaire and scored… well… pretty fucking high. This questionnaire scores you on the Dissociati...


November 29, 2019

Life after death. in Mental Health

I don’t know why, but that phrase is stuck in my head. Sometimes it feels like the old me died and this is my life after death, a life I never expected to have. Very surprising, this whole thing....


November 26, 2019

Overwhelmed. in Mental Health

A lot of things are happening. A lot of thoughts and ideas and decisions, a lot of changes, in myself and in my world. So, so many emotions. I’m having an anxiety attack right now. An old-fashio...


November 26, 2019

Toxic is toxic. in Phoenix

Sometimes I have to realize something, really think about it and actively process it, and sometimes I have to force myself to accept that a person that I love is actually pretty toxic to me and m...


November 24, 2019

He just *gets* me. in Phoenix

I have spent my entire life feeling weird, out of place, never fitting in or feeling like I belonged anywhere. I was raised to have low self-esteem, and grew into prime pickings for abusive narci...


November 16, 2019

Daughter. in Mental Health

I have one. I’ve probably written about her, I don’t really know. Actually, in this journal as it exists today, there may be no mention. I can’t recall and can’t be bothered to look. Anyway, she’...


November 11, 2019

Reaching out. in Phoenix

I do that a lot. I reach out to people when I feel I need them, or if I think I can be helpful to them in some way, or just to have a random conversation. As someone who has suffered with suicida...


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