🌈 JustWillow 🦄 ⋅ 43

Well-behaved women seldom make history…

Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

Entries 167

Page 1 of 7

I have raging PMS and everything makes me cry. I have a bit of a sore throat, too, but no fever. Swollen glands, not sore on the inside, and no more than my usual (ex-cigarette-smoking, current-m...


I feel like spring is extra-appropriate this year. I’m not religious and I don’t celebrate Easter in any way, but this really is a time of renewal, rebirth. I took my vaccinated self on a trip l...


The cause is my sanity. Over-explaining, also known as the fawn response and people-pleasing, is a trauma response. In particular, it is a trauma response for someone who has been gaslit. I have...


March 21, 2021

Space. in Like No One Is Reading

I am a formerly co-dependent person. The majority of my adult relationships were toxic, co-dependent nightmares, and that’s putting it mildly. Friendships, romantic relationships, familial relati...


February 21, 2021

Gross. in Like No One Is Reading

That’s how I feel right now. Really struggling with my body shape at the moment. I’ve gained a significant (to me) amount of weight in a short time and suddenly I don’t recognize my body anymore....


February 18, 2021

I am often... in Like No One Is Reading

self-conscious when I am alone. It’s weird, right? Like, no one can see me. No one. But sometimes I am just so uncomfortable in my own skin, I think, that even when I’m alone, I’m hyper-aware of...


February 18, 2021

You can do it! in Like No One Is Reading

Sometimes when someone says “you can do it!” it makes it even harder and if it turns out you actually can’t do it well you’re just a big old disappointment now, aren’t ya?


February 17, 2021

Rapid Cycling in Mental Health

One minute my anxiety is through the roof and my leg is bouncing and I can’t sit still. The next, I’m sobbing and my body feels like a blob of pudding and I’m exhausted and can’t move. Sometimes...


February 16, 2021

So many tears. in Mental Health

Just. So many. For so many reasons and no reason at all. (sigh) Depression is so boring. I’m over it.


February 15, 2021

Shhh... in Like No One Is Reading

Sometimes I start to say something (in text, on the internet) and, halfway through my thought, I just stop and erase it because my brain says, “No one, literally no one, gives a single fuck what ...


February 15, 2021

Hurt people in Like No One Is Reading

hurt people. I said that to my 13-year-old son today after yet another argument between him and my 20-year-old son. The older accuses the younger of gaslighting. He’s not always wrong about it. W...


February 14, 2021

Insignificant. in Like No One Is Reading

Sometimes, it’s just, you know. Recognizing you’re 1 in 7+ billion and nothing special and you’ve left no mark and someday you’ll just be gone, poof, and almost no one will know you ever existed....


New goal. - Sometimes I stand up to leave the room, pick up my phone, and set it back down again. The thoughts, in fully formed sentences, enter my mind. It sounds like a voice similar to my own...


December 14, 2020

Fucking Whiners in Random Rants

Seeing people whine about not being able to see their families for Christmas is just the fucking most, ain’t it? These people would risk grandma’s life, risk not having all the same family member...


December 13, 2020

Suppression in Mental Health

That’s how I’ve been able to get to the point I’m at with mental illness. It’s not that I have it under control so much as I’ve just gotten very, very good at suppressing it, at suppressing any ...


December 05, 2020

Permission in Once more, with feeling...

That’s what it feels like, a bit. Like finally being seen, feeling seen, and being and feeling loved, is what allowed me to see and love myself, to accept myself as I am, to be more gentle with m...


It’s been a rough few days/weeks/months/year. I’ve been manic for… I don’t know how long. Awhile. If only it was the kind of manic that allowed me to accomplish many things. It has been that k...


November 12, 2020

I'm okay. in Mental Health

I’m not okay right this minute, but I’m okay. Everything is temporary. Nothing lasts forever. The sun will shine again. I have things to feel hopeful about even if I don’t feel any hope right n...


Experiment failed. Extreme mania was triggered. I was clenching my jaw so hard for several days that it still hurts after not taking any Adderall for 3 days, like I got punched on both sides of m...


October 30, 2020

Adderall Day 1.5 in Mental Health

The overall feeling of general well-being lasted through the whole day and evening. Unfortunately, the insomnia side-effect is definitely a thing. Considering I already had insomnia, I’m not surp...


October 29, 2020

Adderall Day 1 in Mental Health

It’s been about 5 hours since my first dose of 20mg Adderall XR. I am feeling pretty calm and have been able to take care of several phone calls that I’ve been putting off (forgetting) for sever...


October 27, 2020

Hang-up in Once more, with feeling...

It’s this thing I just can’t get past, I don’t know how, not even sure if I could or should. I sit here sometimes and all I want is to hear your voice. I sometimes wish you could see what it’s l...


October 26, 2020

2 1/2 Years in Mental Health

In the two years and five months since the Wanker went to jail, I have accomplished more than in the thirty-nine years and seven months prior. So, I suppose I might have a little something to be ...


October 26, 2020

Dear you, in Phoenix

I would have believed you. If you’d told me what he was like instead of being vague and refusing to talk about it, I would have believed you. By the time I contacted you, I was already unsure and...


I think I was wrong. In therapy, back in 2012, she tried to get me to talk about my mother. My mother who died in 2011. And I said no, no point in talking about that, she’s dead, she’s gone, the...


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