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Mental Health

by 🌈 JustWillow 🦄

Entries 51

Page 1 of 3

It’s been a rough few days/weeks/months/year. I’ve been manic for… I don’t know how long. Awhile. If only it was the kind of manic that allowed me to accomplish many things. It has been that k...


November 12, 2020

I'm okay.

I’m not okay right this minute, but I’m okay. Everything is temporary. Nothing lasts forever. The sun will shine again. I have things to feel hopeful about even if I don’t feel any hope right n...


November 05, 2020

Adderall Day... Whatever

Experiment failed. Extreme mania was triggered. I was clenching my jaw so hard for several days that it still hurts after not taking any Adderall for 3 days, like I got punched on both sides of m...


October 30, 2020

Adderall Day 1.5

The overall feeling of general well-being lasted through the whole day and evening. Unfortunately, the insomnia side-effect is definitely a thing. Considering I already had insomnia, I’m not surp...


October 29, 2020

Adderall Day 1

It’s been about 5 hours since my first dose of 20mg Adderall XR. I am feeling pretty calm and have been able to take care of several phone calls that I’ve been putting off (forgetting) for sever...


October 26, 2020

2 1/2 Years

In the two years and five months since the Wanker went to jail, I have accomplished more than in the thirty-nine years and seven months prior. So, I suppose I might have a little something to be ...


October 14, 2020

"I'm so sorry I hurt you."

I think I was wrong. In therapy, back in 2012, she tried to get me to talk about my mother. My mother who died in 2011. And I said no, no point in talking about that, she’s dead, she’s gone, the...


October 10, 2020

ADHD, Combined Type

“This, the most common type of ADHD, is characterized by impulsive and hyperactive behaviors as well as inattention and distractibility.” To me, it kinda seems like double-whammy ADHD. I wish I o...


September 27, 2020

Motherhood

I’m not cut out for it. I never should have had children. I have never been emotionally equipped to deal with it. I guess I should be thankful that this is the last one I have to go through puber...


September 20, 2020

Is it possible...

…to love you too much? Would it be possible to be overly expressive? Am I? Am I annoying about it? Am I too much? I have recently recognized this thing, this fear, and I don’t know if it’s valid...


September 13, 2020

A study in mushrooms...

Magic mushrooms, that is. Typing is funny. The letters on the screen, hilarious. I am still aware of typos, at least. Okay, so everything above this was written at approximately 9pm last night, S...


September 11, 2020

Would you tell me if...

I was too much? I had become annoying? I was no longer worth it? I talked too much? You didn’t want me around anymore? Or would you pity me? Be afraid of my fragility? Do I seem fragile? I feel f...


September 09, 2020

Love and ADHD.

I’ve always lived under the shadow of the idea that good things would never happen to me because I don’t exactly have a history of good things happening. There were moments in time that I experie...


August 24, 2020

Not fast enough.

I’ve been working on my mental health for 30 years, since I was maybe 12 and first heard of the concept of mental illness. I honestly can’t even remember what it was, that first reference that ma...


July 24, 2020

Emotional Regulation.

I ain’t got none. Kinda lost my shit at work today when I didn’t really need to but had no control over it. Like none. Zero. In an instant, my heart was racing, I was trembling, all the air had b...


July 20, 2020

Out of my league.

That’s how I’ve always felt about pretty much everyone, like I’m just this little nothing small-town girl and I don’t fit in, I’m not good enough, smart enough, educated enough. It’s a particular...


July 19, 2020

Conversation.

I would kill for one right now. Like one of those things where you make a pot of coffee and a friend comes over and you drink coffee and smoke a bunch of cigarettes and maybe some weed, too, and ...


July 17, 2020

Disillusioned.

Sad. Confused. Depressed. Hopeless. There’s just too much bad news. I made a new Facebook account to escape some of it. That was literally easier than going through and un-following a ton of pag...


Children are to be seen and not heard. Those two statements pretty much sum up everything I learned from my mother as a young child. Unfortunately, they have carried over well into adulthood. I s...


…without me. I’ve had this thought pass through my mind more times than I could count. I’m sensitive (overly-sensitive, some would say) and sometimes when my feelings get hurt (and no shame in a...


because that is what trauma survivors do. Unhealed childhood trauma can manifest in a lot of ways, like being a people pleaser, always feeling on high alert, having fears of abandonment, tolerat...


July 02, 2020

Uncertainty.

I am beginning to recognize some things about the way my brain has been working lately, things I’m feeling not too sure about. Usually when I’m having negative thoughts, I can recognize whether o...


May 13, 2020

Obsessed.

I am obsessive. Well, obsessive-compulsive. One of the things I’m obsessed with is efficiency. I like picking tasks apart and figuring out the most efficient ways of completing them. No, wait, I...


March 19, 2020

Pandemic

Self-isolation is nothing new to me. It’s something I have been doing on and off (mostly on) for a lot of my adult life. Forced self-isolation doesn’t feel so great, though. And I’m not completel...


February 25, 2020

LSD Revelations

So, yeah, I honestly don’t feel like I have PTSD anymore. Like, I don’t have the crippling-anxiety-hyperventilating-might-be-about-to-die bad memory flashbacks anymore. The memories are still the...


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