🌈 JustWillow 🦄 ⋅ 43

Well-behaved women seldom make history…

Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

Entries 179

Page 4 of 8

November 30, 2019

Life after death. in Mental Health

I don’t know why, but that phrase is stuck in my head. Sometimes it feels like the old me died and this is my life after death, a life I never expected to have. Very surprising, this whole thing....


November 27, 2019

Overwhelmed. in Mental Health

A lot of things are happening. A lot of thoughts and ideas and decisions, a lot of changes, in myself and in my world. So, so many emotions. I’m having an anxiety attack right now. An old-fashio...


November 27, 2019

Toxic is toxic. in Phoenix

Sometimes I have to realize something, really think about it and actively process it, and sometimes I have to force myself to accept that a person that I love is actually pretty toxic to me and m...


November 25, 2019

He just *gets* me. in Phoenix

I have spent my entire life feeling weird, out of place, never fitting in or feeling like I belonged anywhere. I was raised to have low self-esteem, and grew into prime pickings for abusive narci...


November 17, 2019

Daughter. in Mental Health

I have one. I’ve probably written about her, I don’t really know. Actually, in this journal as it exists today, there may be no mention. I can’t recall and can’t be bothered to look. Anyway, she’...


November 12, 2019

Reaching out. in Phoenix

I do that a lot. I reach out to people when I feel I need them, or if I think I can be helpful to them in some way, or just to have a random conversation. As someone who has suffered with suicida...


November 09, 2019

Just. Fucking. Wow. in Phoenix

I’m still who I was, but different. I don’t know if it’s OCD or what, but I get stuck on things. Weird, random things. You know those articles you see on Facebook, like “World’s Creepiest Abando...


November 08, 2019

LSD in Phoenix

Suddenly, it seems, I am able to process thoughts and emotion at lightning speed. A thought pops into my head and, immediately, I am able to identify its source and eliminate the negative emotion...


November 02, 2019

I'm not okay... in Mental Health

… but I will be. This won’t last forever. The sun will shine again and I’ll be okay. For a bit, anyway. Or a minute. (sigh) Feeling incredibly overwhelmed with both extreme depression and mania....


November 01, 2019

Oh, hello... Part 2 in Mental Health

I got to go to Detroit on Monday with my little dude to see my big dude in his first college concert band concert. It was amazing and didn’t last nearly long enough. We miss him lots. We got to t...


October 31, 2019

Oh, hello... in Mental Health

…manic depression. (sigh) Life is nothing but an endless cycle of pain and attempts to mitigate it. Too many things in a very short time span, too much to process, can’t do it. And now, the dar...


Being bipolar (among all the many other things) affects my behaviors (obviously), but my behaviors affect my relationships with other humans. More often than not, my behaviors change in negative ...


October 26, 2019

So. Much. Mania. in Mental Health

Pretty sure I’ve been in the iron grip of a powerful manic episode for about 3 weeks now. You know, they say if you experience a manic episode lasting longer than 7 days, you should check yoursel...


So a thing I realized about myself just now is that I am juggling a hell of a lot of balls for one human. Like, I have so many balls in the air, I am worth 20 men or more. I find myself, this ev...


October 24, 2019

Yes, Chef. in Phoenix

So, I’m a morning prep lead at a little brewery in a little town. Our head chef is awesome. As a chef. Like, over 30 years of experience, Le Cordon Bleu, blahblahblah. I think I’ve written about ...


October 17, 2019

Fever in Phoenix

I feel like I’m on fire. I’ve become what feels like obsessed with painting, and with learning more about watercolors through endless YouTube videos. The last thing I picked up like this was cook...


October 16, 2019

Memory in Phoenix

Lying in bed alone thinking of you fingers dancing in the warm place between my thighs to the melody that is memory of you


October 14, 2019

Inner Earthquake in Phoenix

Sometimes I realize something about myself that hits me so hard it feels like there’s a tiny little earthquake happening right at the very center of my body. I feel like I’m quaking from the ins...


October 12, 2019

Inner Peace in Mental Health

I’ve had this strange feeling lately, a new feeling, one I don’t quite understand. I think it’s peace. Acceptance. Yes, maybe acceptance. I feel like I am just letting life come at me day by day....


October 01, 2019

Unspoken in Mental Health

I have at least 37 random thought-marbles rolling around in my skull at any given moment. Sometimes, they roll by and away, no idea where they get off to, and sometimes they roll around and aroun...


September 28, 2019

Awkward. in Mental Health

I feel like all I’ve ever wanted was to fade into the background, go unnoticed by most, and yet all I’ve ever done is stick out like a sore thumb. People may not think I’m being awkward or acting...


September 21, 2019

Going Back. in Mental Health

Maybe I don’t have to do that. Maybe that’s a stupid idea. There are things about me, things that used to be and things that were not. Part of my journey into this “new” life, this “new” self, h...


September 21, 2019

Fulfillment. in Mental Health

I’ve spent my whole life looking for fulfillment outside of myself. This is a thing, that very sentence, that only just occurred to me in just the right way to be really significant. Sometimes, w...


September 13, 2019

Impulsive. in Mental Health

I’ve always been an impulsive person. Snap decisions happen far too often, and they’re usually bad decisions. I fly through a range of emotions in a heartbeat, thoughts and feelings all jumbled u...


September 11, 2019

Poverty Level. in Phoenix

I just got my email pay stub for the check I’ll get Friday. I looked at the YTD column, which is not a thing I have paid attention to for a long while. Then I looked at the calendar and did a lit...


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