Entries 196

Page 8 of 8

Yeah, I have them, even still. Don’t worry, I wasn’t fooled by my recent good spirits. I knew the things were still there in my mind, the rotten things, in a dark, shadowy little corner. It’s har...

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Love is a funny, fickle thing. Of course I’ve been in love before. I mean, right? Of course I was in love with the 2 men I had children with… wasn’t I? Of course I was in love with the man from a...

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I bought a car today! I went to my bank and I got a loan and I bought a new (new to me and newer than anything I’ve owned in years and years) car! I haggled and got what I wanted for a damn good,...

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I know a lot about shame. I’ve been shamed for many a thing throughout my life. Shamed for the clothes I wear, for the music I listen to, the TV shows I like. Shamed for not drinking more, for no...

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I have no idea. I don’t know who I am without being abused, without mental illness. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I’m not like… cured of mental illness. If only it were that easy. But, in recent weeks,...

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You came into my life at a time when I was innocent, naive, ignorant of the ways of boys and girls, men and women. I’ve spent as much time as possible, over nearly 30 years, only being capable of...

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This entry was inspired by a couple of people. One diary I read here, and… well, almost more people than I could count. Perhaps I should make a list of names. A list of people I feel tremendous g...

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Yep. I think that’s what I’m feeling most of all.

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Something something gazpacho.

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I’ve come a long way, baby. I mean, really. And I’m goddamn proud of myself. I’ve struggled through so much in my life that maybe some wouldn’t have survived. I did, and I’m stronger mentally and...

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Yep. That’s been my downfall. I’ve always been attracted to the wrong brand of masculinity. Repeating the same actions and expecting different results over and over again is the definition of in...

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I just wanted to introduce myself. You’ve never met me before. I am not who I was. I’m a stranger to myself, a stranger that I’m falling madly in love with. A thing happened and, in a single mom...

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Raw masculinity is not what you think it is. It’s not what I thought it was. There are at least 2 different kinds of masculinity. There’s the usual kind, or what I like to think of as caveman ma...

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I feel like I spent far too much of my life rushing towards who I thought I was supposed to be when I should have been looking at who I was and learning how to love that girl. Now, looking back, ...

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Does that make me a terrible person? I kind of feel like it does but I also kind of feel like I don’t really care. I just hope he hurts. You know. He. Him. Them. Whatever. I’m a really wonderful ...

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That’s what they called it when I was a teenager. They said I was manic depressive. Now they say bipolar. They also say PTSD, OCD, and ADHD. Well, and the anxiety, always the anxiety. But I think...

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No one knows my journey. No one single person has the whole picture. No one but me. Many, many people have little pieces, some more than others. But none of them have the whole. So none of them, ...

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Been there, done that, living it again. I'm in a bad place, emotionally. Have been for awhile now if you couldn't tell by my complete lack of entries. I have a really hard time opening up when...

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"It's a wholly illogical but nonetheless powerful belief that things will change for the better in a new place; that the urge to self-destruct will magically disappear." ~ Stephen King, Wolves of...

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I actually have flashbacks to bad points in my life. I wasn't always able to recognize that this was what was happening to me. I didn't understand why I had these overwhelming feelings of sadne...

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I learned very early on that my existence was a mistake, an accident, almost an impossibility, and most definitely an inconvenience. My mother, speaking to her friends, referred to me as “my lit...

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