🌈 JustWillow 🦄 ⋅ 43

Well-behaved women seldom make history…

Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

Entries 157

Page 3 of 7

November 16, 2019

Daughter. in Mental Health

I have one. I’ve probably written about her, I don’t really know. Actually, in this journal as it exists today, there may be no mention. I can’t recall and can’t be bothered to look. Anyway, she’...


November 11, 2019

Reaching out. in Phoenix

I do that a lot. I reach out to people when I feel I need them, or if I think I can be helpful to them in some way, or just to have a random conversation. As someone who has suffered with suicida...


November 08, 2019

Just. Fucking. Wow. in Phoenix

I’m still who I was, but different. I don’t know if it’s OCD or what, but I get stuck on things. Weird, random things. You know those articles you see on Facebook, like “World’s Creepiest Abando...


November 07, 2019

LSD in Phoenix

Suddenly, it seems, I am able to process thoughts and emotion at lightning speed. A thought pops into my head and, immediately, I am able to identify its source and eliminate the negative emotion...


November 01, 2019

I'm not okay... in Mental Health

… but I will be. This won’t last forever. The sun will shine again and I’ll be okay. For a bit, anyway. Or a minute. (sigh) Feeling incredibly overwhelmed with both extreme depression and mania....


October 31, 2019

Oh, hello... Part 2 in Mental Health

I got to go to Detroit on Monday with my little dude to see my big dude in his first college concert band concert. It was amazing and didn’t last nearly long enough. We miss him lots. We got to t...


October 30, 2019

Oh, hello... in Mental Health

…manic depression. (sigh) Life is nothing but an endless cycle of pain and attempts to mitigate it. Too many things in a very short time span, too much to process, can’t do it. And now, the dar...


Being bipolar (among all the many other things) affects my behaviors (obviously), but my behaviors affect my relationships with other humans. More often than not, my behaviors change in negative ...


October 25, 2019

So. Much. Mania. in Mental Health

Pretty sure I’ve been in the iron grip of a powerful manic episode for about 3 weeks now. You know, they say if you experience a manic episode lasting longer than 7 days, you should check yoursel...


So a thing I realized about myself just now is that I am juggling a hell of a lot of balls for one human. Like, I have so many balls in the air, I am worth 20 men or more. I find myself, this ev...


October 23, 2019

Yes, Chef. in Phoenix

So, I’m a morning prep lead at a little brewery in a little town. Our head chef is awesome. As a chef. Like, over 30 years of experience, Le Cordon Bleu, blahblahblah. I think I’ve written about ...


October 16, 2019

Fever in Phoenix

I feel like I’m on fire. I’ve become what feels like obsessed with painting, and with learning more about watercolors through endless YouTube videos. The last thing I picked up like this was cook...


October 15, 2019

Memory in Phoenix

Lying in bed alone thinking of you fingers dancing in the warm place between my thighs to the melody that is memory of you


October 14, 2019

Inner Earthquake in Phoenix

Sometimes I realize something about myself that hits me so hard it feels like there’s a tiny little earthquake happening right at the very center of my body. I feel like I’m quaking from the ins...


October 11, 2019

Inner Peace in Mental Health

I’ve had this strange feeling lately, a new feeling, one I don’t quite understand. I think it’s peace. Acceptance. Yes, maybe acceptance. I feel like I am just letting life come at me day by day....


September 30, 2019

Unspoken in Mental Health

I have at least 37 random thought-marbles rolling around in my skull at any given moment. Sometimes, they roll by and away, no idea where they get off to, and sometimes they roll around and aroun...


September 27, 2019

Awkward. in Mental Health

I feel like all I’ve ever wanted was to fade into the background, go unnoticed by most, and yet all I’ve ever done is stick out like a sore thumb. People may not think I’m being awkward or acting...


September 20, 2019

Going Back. in Mental Health

Maybe I don’t have to do that. Maybe that’s a stupid idea. There are things about me, things that used to be and things that were not. Part of my journey into this “new” life, this “new” self, h...


September 20, 2019

Fulfillment. in Mental Health

I’ve spent my whole life looking for fulfillment outside of myself. This is a thing, that very sentence, that only just occurred to me in just the right way to be really significant. Sometimes, w...


September 12, 2019

Impulsive. in Mental Health

I’ve always been an impulsive person. Snap decisions happen far too often, and they’re usually bad decisions. I fly through a range of emotions in a heartbeat, thoughts and feelings all jumbled u...


September 10, 2019

Poverty Level. in Phoenix

I just got my email pay stub for the check I’ll get Friday. I looked at the YTD column, which is not a thing I have paid attention to for a long while. Then I looked at the calendar and did a lit...


September 09, 2019

Mindfulness. in Mental Health

So, what feels like a really horrible thing happened today, a thing I’m not sure can be repaired. But some really important things are happening now, since the thing that feels like the worst thi...


September 02, 2019

Once Upon a Time... in Phoenix

I had this therapist, this tiny little hobbit of a woman who reminded me of Dr. Ruth without the accent. I think I was around 26 or 27 years old at that time, so a good 15 years ago. I was not in...


August 31, 2019

Pain. in Phoenix

Had a really hard day at work today. Almost 11 hours. I am not cut out for that and I don’t know how to make my chef understand. I mean, I guess there’s no way to make him understand. The man doe...


August 30, 2019

Evolution. in Phoenix

Evolution is a painfully slow process, both in nature, and in me. I am very hesitant to change. I do a thing a way and that’s just the way I do that thing. Until I start to change the way I do th...


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