Entries 5,372

Page 9 of 215

There is something oddly fascinating about cultural notions that only made sense in one small window of the zeitgeist, surviving beyond their usefulness, treated normally outta sheer social mome...

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The sheer gullibility of social media is surprising until you remember that, from the start, the internet has always been a series of rubes. I honestly had a positive opinion of Licorice...

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A Southern warlock with a walking chicken shack called Bubba Yaga. A romantic-comedy amoungst Greco-Roman mythology called “Satyr Anything”. The song Caribbean Queen sounds so much l...

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Did Jimmy Buffett ever write a song about a depressed man going to the doctor and being prescribed some “Vitamin Sea”? It just seems like something he would’ve done. A Shrek / Dragonball...

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“Hello everyone,” the middle-aged man rose to stand behind the particleboard podium, in front of a disused chalkboard, in the most obscure room of a church’s basement, “my name’s Joe and I’m a r...

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Just a little snooze to whet the palate for the bigger sleep later. A nappertif, if you will. Why call it your “pornography stash” when you can call it your “thirst aid kit”? You cou...

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A parody of MAMMA MIA about mild edema. The M&M mascots are unsavoury characters. The pop mythology of Thanksgiving is gross & weird & racist, but we can decouple it from...

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Maybe the REAL monster was the friend Frankenstein made along the way. Keurig machines are so janky that after about six months, every one of them has this specific series of extra opera...

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It really is all your fault, y’know. The horrible state of the world, the fire and ice, the floods, the earthquakes. The rising tide of fascism, the collapse of nations, the existence of that ‘r...

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Why call them “tree ornaments” when you could call them “branch dressing”? Wars within an aristocracy to reshape the monarchy can be an heir-shaving experience I think it’d be fun if...

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A kids book about Santa’s housecat, Felix Navidad. If your feet hurt while astral projecting, you might be suffering from planar fasciitis. A moment of feeling genuinely good looking...

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I now demand a sequel to Angels in the Outfield where Satan helps New Jersey win a Stanley Cup called DEVILS ON THE ICE. I now demand slangs for ALL the D&D stats, Rizz, Stitz, Genz,...

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A parody of THE BLACK PARADE about psychology would have to start with the line “when I was / a Jung boy / my father / took me into the city / to see a Freudian”. You can’t use art to fo...

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I own a laser-disc of 1962’s ‘The Manchurian Candidate’ which starred Frank Sinatra and Angela Lansbury. My brother Dan bought it for me as a gift and I love it. Now, this isn’t because I’m any ...

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It’d be about, like, a goth girl detective, like a goth Nancy Drew and it’d be called MORBID CURIOSITY. No one had told me that Lou Barlow from Dinosaur Jr had slowly morphed into a tiny...

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Is there anything sadder in college football than celebrating “bowl eligibility”? Congrats, you won six games, 3 of which were against directional cupcakes. You get to play in a game named ...

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People who decorate for Christmas before Thanksgiving lack elf-control. The worst part of THE LAND BEFORE TIME was how the fat little stubby dinosaur seemed to have a vulgar “o-face” in ...

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You better watch out. You better not cry. You better not pout. I’m telling you why, Vulcans repress all their emotions. The only way to make William Joel’s “Piano Man” even slightly inte...

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It baffles me when folks try to use relationships to change someone instead of going after someone who has the traits they want from the start but I guess that’s our culture. You grab onto w...

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When you type “happy b-day!” on social media, my brain reads it as “happy bidet!” I like to believe that somewhere there exists his good twin, a humble and mentally stable man named Kan...

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And then there is, of course, Olive’s new-age cousin Essential Oyl. The estate attorney couldn’t help herself, she was so attracted to you, she tried to hold you against your will. T...

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I was sitting in the Dennys at Sunset and Gower, I was staring in my empty coffee cup. I was thinking that my friend Frank had been lying, he said we’d meet there for a few late-night coffees, b...

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An Undertale graphic novel would involve comic Sans. Fencers, practice your dodges and jukes against a genuine fainting couch. Now, if you’ve been bad little boys and girls, the Toot...

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It’s just vodka, tonic water and blue curaçao. It’s a Vodka Sonic. When someone overvalues possibility against what they have, you say “a bird in the hand’s worth two in the bush”. When ...

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Youtube knife nerd videos are the best place to gather stage names. If I’m ever a NASCAR driver, you will know me as “Rust Magnacut”. If we only voted for the person who agreed with us o...

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