Entries 78

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Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus but it’s a little bit more complicated than just that. There are countless Santas out there, depending how you define an individual. Santa is a sort of hive-...

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(yeah, I know this is an adaptation of a recent poem of mine but that’s what “cloudy” called to) Once, there was a very normal boy and his very normal name was Norman Leroy, so normal he was born...

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If he’d been a smoker, that would’ve been the day they began to fall in love, Nathan and Amelia. It was the bathroom-break in the middle of a three-hour seminar where the professor made them watc...

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Philip K Dick wrote the work upon which “Blade Runner” “Total Recall” and “Minority Report” were all based, not to mention how half the dystopian fiction the last thirty years stole from him with...

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By 2049, there wasn’t much left of America and there’d be few human beings left anywhere, in a handful of years. It wasn’t the end of the world, of course, humanity is not the world, this planet ...

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Utica is America’s Canada, which should be the world’s most obvious statement, considering the Labatt’s billboards every mile or so headed west into Utica. This is despite the fact Utica has two ...

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You’re probably familiar with Lent, the six weeks from Ash Wednesday to Easter (especially for Catholics) where one is supposed to fast and pick at least one luxury to give up. The hope being sel...

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Larry was born into a secret society with superpowers in their blood, hiding in plain sight among us. Very few of them had world-shaking abilities, though, his mother could accelerate someone’s h...

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I’m no longer afraid of flying. Oh, it all still bothers me, the empty security theater, the seats designed for humans a foot shorter, the bleary soft-shoe shuffles in passage between flights, th...

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When Social Wellness Solutions introduced Give-Life to the world, it sounded miraculous. The idea you could transfer a piece of your lifespan to someone else was revolutionary and, just like any ...

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What if I told you this life, this life that you’re living right now, is the best life you ever could’ve lived? More to the point, what if I told you that you’re doing the most good you ever coul...

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You can always go back there, you know. To the place and time it feels like it all went wrong or, anyway, where it feels like it could’ve all gone right but didn’t. That moment you’ve dwelt upon ...

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He sinned against every religion he knew, on a regular basis, just in case the end of the world was really coming. None of the big ethical ones, none of the ones that hurt other people. Just the ...

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Great way to doom yourself to a shiftless art-bum’s fate is to get a film degree, so I got one of those. Great way to legally indemnify your art-bum life is to wait until the statute-of-limitatio...

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I spend ten dollars on the lotto each week. Two-dollar Powerball twice-weekly, two-dollar Mega Millions twice-weekly, the one-dollar standard twice-weekly as well. One pick per life-changing long...

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Sniffing is, of course, Dog Internet and that’s why they’re as addicted to it as we are to laptops and cellular, able to get by snuffling along low to the ground when there’s no other options but...

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This grand experiment in writing flash-fiction from a new prompt every single week the library is open, it’s a lot like navigating the Minoan labyrinth, isn’t it? We have the goal, getting to the...

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We as your government regret to inform you that as of oh-five-hundred-hours, toilets have gained sentience and are understandably angry. We admit it’s our bad, we’ve been installing clandestine c...

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When they proved there was an afterlife, scientifically, with big machines and tiny math, less changed in the world than you might have thought. It still didn’t say where you might be going or wh...

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In the village of Dolgeville New York, in the next town up north of the place where I grew up wide and tall, the place that I call home again my littlest of falls, there used to be a store called...

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The idea that EPCOT Center’s Spaceship Earth looks like a gigantic golf ball is a tired comedy premise unless you add in a gigantic golfer who, before her mighty swing, must yell “FOUR… HUNDRED… ...

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Friedrich von Steuben. Friedrich von Steuben, that’s a foreign name, isn’t it? The kind of scary immigrant kind of name that’d make Trump the Lame’s last three hairs stand on end. The name Friedr...

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We’re all just snow in the air, melting on the ground when we get there, just like George Bailey. George just wanted to build buildings, George wanted to just see the world, George thought he mig...

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Even though the American tradition of the hero-criminal is dated back to English mythology and the tale of Robin Hood, the American stories of the good-guy-thief have always seemed so much bloodi...

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I was having these chips, I was eating these chips, I was eating these chips from a bag from the local convenience store. I was eating these chips called “A Hint of Lime” chips and I thought to m...

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