Public

idea barrages

by littlefallsmets

Entries 2,593

Page 1 of 104

1 day ago

july 30

A strident screed about Italian cuisine is a manipesto. So did the Muadib show up in Space Jam and make it SPICE JAM or… If you morph your hands into bird talons and rip his genitals off be...


1 day ago

july 29

Jimmy Buffet’s arraignment of “O Fortuna” called “Carmina Bahamas”. Closed-casket for the peering-impaired. Make a bike out of copy paper and call it a “stationery bicycle”. The only thin...


1 day ago

july 28

“Once You Pop, You Don’t Stop” and “You Can’t Eat Just One” are both just a hair away from the slogan “YOU WILL BECOME PHYSICALLY ADDICTED TO THESE CHIPS”. GIMME THE BEANS, BOYS, TO FILL THIS...


4 days ago

july 27

A Japanese video game about childrens’ dances called HOKEY POKEY PANIC. Does Optimus Prime poop from his semi colon? Sometimes, you just want to wear a shirt with the word SANDWICH on it, i...


4 days ago

july 26

Cross-stitch is some hard Emmanuel labor. As we are around 80% water, occasionally we must drink something that’s 80% alcohol, to balance it out, you know, from time to time. A woodworking ...


4 days ago

july 25

“Ten billion,” he whispered. “Thanks,” she replied, “that means a lot to me.” The Terminator statue at the El Rancho Drive-In looks almost exactly like Lou Reed. It’s amazing. Loki, riding ...


7 days ago

july 24

In Soviet Russia, dragons imagine YOU! I can’t believe that the fragility of American masculinity hasn’t tried to re-brand male pedicures as “getting your bronails done”. The heart of a neu...


7 days ago

july 23

Slugging percentage is pretty, it’s flashy, have a fun weekend with it but it’ll eventually ghost you, let you down. On-base percentage, man, if it consistently singles and walks, you put a rin...


7 days ago

july 22

A Lou Reed themed breakfast cereal called Metal Machine Mueslix. If the machine we’re supposed to rage against is Machine Gun Kelly, all the better. The first rule of Oak Club is orc hits y...


July 18, 2021

july 21

…HI, I’m on Wings, WHAT, I’m on Wings, WHO, I’m on Wings, wicka-wick, TIM DALY… A start-up website for potato recipes: SPUDIFY. Like a great airship felled by the awful summer weather, I sc...


July 18, 2021

july 20

How much juul could a Jewel juul juul if a Jewel juul could juul juul? The first rule of Floral Club is “mums the word”. The second rule of Floral Club is “mums the word”. Monday, July 5th ...


July 18, 2021

july 19

Can Bobcat Goldthwait do a distant sequel to SHAKES THE CLOWN called SHAKES ON A PLANE? Listened to a Neko Case song about how people were looked down on for being from Tacoma… and I thought ...


July 15, 2021

july 18

Neil Degrasse Tyson haughtily explaining that Science Diet is not actually made of science, it is just pet food. A film about the glorious battle to evict the boringness that is IKEA from Ame...


July 15, 2021

july 17

BLACK PANTHER 3: FINDING NAMOR I found those Geico ads irritating immediately, right from the gecko. England should colonize lower Oregon just so that their regent there could be called the...


July 15, 2021

july 16

“No no no, my uncle works at Apple,” he said, “that’s why I got my hands on the greatest upgrade of all… the jPhone.” On the one hand, Yogi never tells us if he’s comparing himself to the ave...


July 12, 2021

july 15

I guess I’ll have to write my parody of Free Fallin’ about Phil Collins eventually. Twitter has become J. Jonah Jameson, banging the table demanding TRAILERS OF SPIDER-MAN! RESOLVED: feet c...


July 12, 2021

july 14

“open the maze, get on the floor, everybody fuck the minotaur” Your punk band will be called BORN ON THE FILTH OF JULY. Just saw an ad for some scam weight-loss thing called Nugenix and… ar...


July 12, 2021

july 13

Whenever Marvel introduces the Hercules character into live-action, there are going to be SO MANY Locules shippers. I wonder if women in retirement homes refer to booty calls as “getting some...


July 10, 2021

july 12

Don’t mind me, just signing Rammstein songs about Star Trek Voyager. TU. TUVOK. TUVOK IS. TUVOK IS RAD DUDE. It was such a huge herb garden he lost track of thyme. “Never be content” is pro...


July 10, 2021

july 11

Don’t mind me, just signing Rammstein songs about Star Trek Voyager. TU. TUVOK. TUVOK IS. TUVOK IS RAD DUDE. It was such a huge herb garden he lost track of thyme. “Never be content” is pro...


July 10, 2021

july 10

If you own the world’s greatest race-horse and you don’t name it “Haulin’ Oates” you do not deserve to own that majestic creature, let alone to profit off its labours. You just let that thing f...


July 06, 2021

july 9

“Why did you buy that Dutch language version of Boggle at the thrift store, Mike?” “BECAUSE IT WAS THERE.” Lankershim, darlin’, Lankershim, NoHo where all that tinsel dims Television execut...


July 06, 2021

july 8

Eating someone’s trail of breadcrumbs, dooming them to death lost in the woods, because of his political stances, that’s just Hansel Culture. You’ve heard of popes and anti-popes but have you...


July 06, 2021

july 7

They’re not Band-Aids, that’s the brand. They’re bandages, Band-Aids are just bandage’s monster. A show about the adventures of a vegetarian bear named Lentil Ben. The people who cry foul t...


July 04, 2021

any port in a storm

you’re looking at it the wrong way don’t try to will yourself to the other side of the world or universe instead will the place you desire to exactly where you’re standing don’t ...


Book Description

originally, I went to college to be a comedy writer
the urge to still generate short form ideas remains
I collect, once or twice a day, my one-liner jokes
and my germs of ideas that I litter on social media
into little collections I call “barrages”
and then I put them here
sometimes