Entries 2,441
Page 1 of 98
mar 1
Krampus? Yeah. That’s terrifying. You know what’s REALLY terrifying? (whispers in your ear) The Tooth Furry. I was today years old when I realized that “Some Kind of Wonderful” and “Heartache...
feb 28
A story about characters who have had fleeting encounters with The Crow called “The Gothman Prophecies”. See if you can convince someone that you think “BDSM” stands for “Buford / Denver The ...
feb 27
I don’t know what the Heathcliff/BEEFCLIFF meme would look like, I just know it needs to exist. The New Mutants character Sunspot had the nickname Berto for Roberto and grew up very very rich...
feb 26
The logical endgame of I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter is, of course, Schrodinger’s Butter. You cannot know if it is or is not butter until you open the box. Uber but the driver shows up in a...
feb 25
The optimal name for a punk band is “Shrektal Thermometer”. We haven’t had a mash-up of CITIZEN KANE and A CHRISTMAS CAROL yet. A Scottish cake boss may well have to make the bagpipes with ...
feb 24
Step One: start a business. Step Two: create a mascot called Murray Little. Step Three: frame all your holiday ads around the slogan “have yourself a Murray Little Christmas! Step Four: ??? Ste...
feb 23
Horatio Alger, who invented all the bootstrap idiocy upon which so many American horrors are founded, only became an author of wealth-worshiping drivel because he was run out of his hometown on...
feb 22
Yeah, I’m singing that funk song “Brick House” but about looking a gift horse in the mouth. You’ll be doing it too now that you read this. Why say you “mend pants” when you can say you “dabbl...
feb 21
You all worrying about where the pants would go on this or that, I’m still trying to figure out how many sticks you’d need to crucify a centaur. A rapper wasting money on a rivalry is a lot l...
feb 20
Maybe the real monster was the big head we gave Todd along the way. Imagine being so rich that no one can tell you that Jar-Jar Binks is a bad idea. Just really get into that idea and sit the...
feb 19
Step into my Parler, said the con-man to the chud… A head canon where Herbie The Love Bug was a prequel to the Cars movies. Eventually, someone breaks Herbie’s heart and he leads the rise of ...
feb 18
I like mashing up Disney songs. I am currently singing Ursula’s song to the tune of I Can Show You The World. “Pooooooooor un-FOR-tunate sooooooooouuullllls…” The existence of Brawny Man beli...
feb 17
Lucas is just salty that Disney-Plus isn’t making a spin-off series about his four-armed 1950s diner chef, Guy Lom-Bard-0, or whatever the hell its godforsaken name was. 25.12 is octopi, to t...
feb 16
Anything a member of Smashmouth drinks before the encore at the state fair is technically a Rockstar energy drink. Is there… another terrifying Pinocchio live-action movie, where Roberto Pani...
feb 15
The double negative of “ain’t no” actually suggests that either there are actually many parties like West Coast parties or that West Coast parties do indeed eventually stop. Sometimes I think...
feb 14
Maybe Roger Rabbit was really framed by the friends we made along the way. Your Street Fighter musical will involve the song “Hello Dhalsim”. If you think about it, the ending to ITS A WOND...
feb 13
How has there not been a Zoom fundraiser of some kind where Tilda Swinton stars in a read-through of an old FRASIER script? This seems like a no-brainer to raise money for some cause or another...
feb 12
The seven or eight same royalty-free songs that all Youtubers use are the elevator music of our time. A leather shirt and body hair, that’s just the bear minimum. A burlesque show themed ar...
feb 11
I am no man of faith but I know this much, the divine cannot be an excuse to hate, it must be a mandate to love. A cleaned up Johnny Cash song called WHOLESOME PRISON BLUES. A brand of Poli...
feb 10
Love is our greatest blessing, love is our highest calling, love is our toughest challenge, love is our holy burden, love is the direction, love is the location, love is the speed, love love lo...
feb 9
That lawyer in the really nice basketball shoes, he is your court-appointed attorney. His brother was also in the cereal navy, as a pastor attached for troop morale. He would consecrate the m...
feb 8
A parody of David Bowie’s “Let’s Dance” that’s like “LET’S REST, take off those tight shoes and… rest a few…” It is good to see that we can still come together as a a nation on Thanksgiving ...
feb 7
The “power of positive thinking” is a confidence job, sold to you so you’ll sit around dreaming and wishing instead of getting in the way of powerful horrors. The Power of Pragmatic Action, tho...
feb 6
There are no films starring Rob Schneider. Oh, there are films where he is the performer with the most screen time, for sure, but do not let us define down “star” like that. Which would be be...
feb 5
SPECULUM CABLE - JUST LIE BACK AND TAKE IT. The funny thing is how the Q-Anon theories about how “Trump can still win!” are almost exactly the same in form & tone as the tumblr “no no, th...
Book Description
originally, I went to college to be a comedy writer
the urge to still generate short form ideas remains
I collect, once or twice a day, my one-liner jokes
and my germs of ideas that I litter on social media
into little collections I call “barrages”
and then I put them here
sometimes
