Entries 3,311
Page 1 of 133
a22
No orgy’s feast is complete without at least one braisin’ strumpet. A Dire Straits parody about Bart Simpson, David and Dennis the Menace called “Sultans of Sling”. A card game of ta...
easter barrage
Imprisoned for his many serious crimes, Paul Blart tries to escape his prison by evading the warden Paul Rudd, who turns out to act for the money but his real passion is prison wardening and...
a20
Batman can create fresh soup with a single word via the power of the butlerguy effect. A soundbath but only of Goofy’s sub-linguistic utterances. No words but lots of Goofy’s sounds. ...
a18
I mean, one good thing we can say about the changing of years is that every passing year involves less checks written with the wrong year because personal checks are slowly disappearing. ...
a16
In Emo Mario Brothers, Mario jumps on Gloombas. The merger of the XFL and USFL needs to go into anti-trust court as they are creating a monopoly on “names for football teams that sound l...
a14
Bad boys, good guys, I’m the slightly-mischievous man. If I’m quiet, I’m either actually comfortable or I’m dead. If you showed someone from before COVID all the pictures on social ...
a12
A marijuana product review show called “Highly Recommended”. In hell, the only thing you can eat is Tarnation Instant Breakfast. A firework that shoots noodles cooked by the flames c...
a10
It is weird to think of, but there must have been some first person to make a pickle, even if there were many “inventions” of them in different cultures. It feels like they always existed...
a8
The life of a cattle neuterer is difficult. It’s hard living on a fixed income. “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take” is true but “You humiliate yourself on 100% of the shots you m...
a6
If you replaced every “Forget About It” in the Matchbox 20 song “Smooth” with a bad Mafia stereotype “FUGGEDABOWDIT”, there would finally be one interesting thing about the Matchbox 20 song ...
a4
A Beatles parody about dang ol’ Scantron standardized tests involving the lines “Letter B, Letter B, Letter B, Letter B, At least guess an answer, Letter B”. A new Marvel character with ...
a2
It’s about a fraternity comprised entirely of loser centaurs and it’s called ANIMAL HORSE. When you need tin cans / to be eaten, man / who you gonna call? / Goat Butlers! It’s not th...
mar31
A parody of Mama Mia about pasta making called “Semolina”. King Crimson’s Thela Hun Jinjeet nut about Thelma and Louise. They keep trying to make bread and it keeps turning into drug...
mar29
If you refuse to do good in flawed imperfect systems, you’re not about doing good, you’re about feeling righteous. “Musk” is just one letter away from “Musak”, room-temperature music and...
m27
The California Raisins’ classic rock counterpart, The Allmond Brothers Band. A Star Trek arts and crafts book called “Make It Sew”. So many people declaring 2024 the start of the evi...
m25
A parody of “Take Me Home Country Roads” for Christmas that starts with the lines “there’s a Santa / yes, Virginia”. Your ability to generate bisecting lines is unparalleled. Remembe...
m23
I feel like ATMs would’ve picked up even faster if they had used the marketing phrase “Go BANK Yourself!” I’ve never once in my entire life been improved by negative reinforcement, by de...
m21
He’s Popeye the Sailor Man / He’s doing the best he can / He’d like to see you try / With just only one eye / He’s Popeye the Sailor Man Here’s a cultural mash-up for you to think about:...
m19
You will name your knife YouTube channel “never a dull moment”. Since Dave Thomas was adopted and Wendy has that bright red hair, head canon that Ronald McDonald secretly fathered Dave...
m17
I mean, GRANDMA GOT RUN OVER BY A REINDEER is about an old man killing his wife and trying to cover it up by feigning senile delusions, right? Driving to get Ollie’s insulin, singing Bon...
m15
It’s the new “Fast Asleep” diet crazy, sweeping Tiktok! You medically induce a coma because you can’t eat while you’re sleeping! It’s just that easy! You’re fasting asleep! Whenever poss...
m13
A pop-punk band called Enragement Ring. Bon Jovi’s “Livin’ On A Prayer” except every “Whoa” is replaced by a “Whoa” by Joey Lawrence’s character in BLOSSOM. A reminder of once being ...
m11
Devo’s “Whip It” being a Doritos ad is both the culmination and refutation of Devo’s legacy, all at once. A gross sell-out and a glorious culmination, simultaneously. We are legion, I suppos...
m9
A cereal with transparent bran flakes and almond clusters called “Post Nut Clarity”. Randy Newman is a failed attempt at cloning Tom Waits. Here we are, puttin’ the “dung” in “Bildun...
m7
Why say “friends with benefits” when you can say “smoochachos”? Taylor Swift makes music for women who think it counts as group sex if you fuck on top of her Squishmallows. You eithe...
Book Description
originally, I went to college to be a comedy writer
the urge to still generate short form ideas remains
I collect, once or twice a day, my one-liner jokes
and my germs of ideas that I litter on social media
into little collections I call “barrages”
and then I put them here
sometimes
