Public

idea barrages

by littlefallsmets

Entries 2,355

Page 1 of 95

4 hours ago

dec 5

If you manage to kick Clay Aiken in the crotch, he is legally obligated to yell “OH MY AIKEN BALLS!” in the same way that if you manage to punch down onto a leprechaun’s hat, he is obligated to...


4 hours ago

dec 4

I’m just sayin we could reboot Morganna the Kissing Bandit as Buffy the Umpire Slayer. I am “my first computer games were on a Commodore 64” years old. An Alice In Chains parody about the ...


4 hours ago

dec 3

Your D&D team’s traveling stagecoach was sold to you by bird-man named Lee Aarakocra. If dogs get kennel cough, do they also get pounding headaches? I am not judging, simply being healt...


2 days ago

dec 2

“Oh, my old boomerang,” she said, going through her mementos from her semester in Australia, “that’s a real throwback.” My generation looks at the rubble wrought by disease, war and stolen el...


2 days ago

dec 1

Why call the video game “Duck Hunt” when we could’a called it “Murder Most Fowl”? A Klingon character called Ra’fless so that someone can comment on his forehead “Ruffles has ridges!” As cl...


5 days ago

nov 30

She’s the loose canon one slip-up away from getting kicked off the force. He’s the rookie just out of the academy who was magically conjured from a children’s book. Together they fight crime… a...


5 days ago

nov 29

I love when fads completely come and go without me. It’s the best thing about being old. “Whipped coffee”? Nah, dog. I don’t need my java in Nickelodeon Gak form. Now it’s deader than the Charl...


6 days ago

nov 28

A rap about Alfred E Neuman called “Baby Got Blech”. If every single sponsored ad on Youtube is “by a company I would sing the praises of even if they didn’t pay me” then… maaaaaaaybe a whole...


6 days ago

nov 27

I hope that on the Enterprise they call their ship’s bathhouse “The Docking Bay”. That’d be clever. If Disney ever wants to counter Space Jam, here’s my pitch: Dunk Tales. The thing about c...


November 24, 2020

nov 26

Your corporation’s leader of COVID compliance should be called a Chief Personal Protection Practice Officer so she or he can call her or himself the company’s “C-3P-O”. The maximal name for a...


November 24, 2020

nov 25

If the couple are supervillains, is the honey-do list a honey-doom list? I kind of get it when a small news websites hit me with the “YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF PROTECTING YOUR COMPUTER FROM VI...


November 22, 2020

nov 24

The woman in the stirrups looked down in stunned silence that her 14 hours of labour produced not a human baby but rather a piping hot pizza. “It wasn’t delivery,” the doctor sadly intoned, “it...


November 22, 2020

nov 23

I saw a sign for a Chinese restaurant called Great Wall and I was transfixed with how awesome it would be if it just said “Eat Wall”. When I win the lotto, I shall bribe them to remove the G an...


November 22, 2020

nov 22

I knew a man Bazinga and he mocked the weird With worn-out tropes Nerd cliches, a dumb catchphrase and forced laugh-track Dashing all hope He feigned OCD He feigned OCD Mocking a real disease M...


November 19, 2020

nov 21

There are worse noms-de-guerre than “Carlton Banksy” I suppose. Why not call wedding receptions “happily-ever afterparties”? This life’s disappointments almost uniformly flow from how so ma...


November 19, 2020

nov 20

Yes, IN SECURITY would’ve been a much much much better title for PAUL BLART MALL COP than PAUL BLART MALL COP but the pun would’ve surely been wasted on such a terrible film that only existed f...


November 17, 2020

nov 19

It’s a good thing Hoobastank disappeared like the stank of a Hooba grazing in the distance on a stiff breeze before we had the cross-promotion of Hoobastank Hubba Bubba gum, that phrase would’v...


November 17, 2020

nov 18

“Abundance” he muttered. “Thanks,” she replied, “that means a lot.” I mean, we still don’t have a Christopher Lloyd endorsed liquor called “Great Scotch!” That’s disappointing. Remember the...


November 15, 2020

nov 17

When I was young, if you’d mentioned “waterboarding”, you’d’a just thought it was an old person trying to remember the word for “surfing”. It’s good the horrors are no longer secret but it’s st...


November 15, 2020

nov 16

I think fan-fiction crossovers COULD be fun, but it’s always something boring as hell, like… Stephen Universe meets Adventure Time or Sailor Moon meets Dragonballz. Now, Popeye meets The Tempes...


November 13, 2020

nov 15

Go into the store. Swap the labels on the marshmallow Fluff and the mayo. Make the world a weirder place. Don’t worry about expanding your orchestra. There’s always room for cello. A film w...


November 13, 2020

nov 14

Lazy fish-mongers are a leading cause of mackerel degeneration. The measure of intellect is not in being right. Any damned fool can be right, by aping someone else or by random chance. The me...


November 11, 2020

nov 13

Sonic the Hedgehog online fandom ruined the phrase “Knuckles Sandwich”. Substituting Bob Marley for Jacob Marley makes it a whole different story, is all I’m saying. Meg White’s evil oppos...


November 11, 2020

nov 12

You could write a hell of a parody of The Band’s “The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down” about the irony of Herman Cain decrying COVID as a hoax then dying of it. “Herman Cain was the name and he...


November 09, 2020

nov 11

Two out of three Stooges agree, the other is Fine. A rap version of THE MONSTER MASH built around a sample of someone yelling “Hey! Must be the mummy!” All I really know is, if you drove a ...


Book Description

originally, I went to college to be a comedy writer
the urge to still generate short form ideas remains
I collect, once or twice a day, my one-liner jokes
and my germs of ideas that I litter on social media
into little collections I call “barrages”
and then I put them here
sometimes