Entries 1,298
Page 1 of 52
never quite escaping
i find myself perpetually stalked by this doughy gruesome monster following me everywhere day and night all hours and all seasons but he is nothing if not a veritably wily grotesque I’...
oct 30
A parody of LL Cool J’s “Mama Said Knock You Out” about Conan the Barbarian starting with the line “Don’t call it a Crom back / I’ve no tongue for prayers”. Sometimes the ancient gods would h...
somebody once
now that the guy from Smashmouth has sadly shuffled this mortal coil I wonder who gets custody of Guy Fieri? is it Nickelback? do you think that it’s Nickelback? Scott Cr...
rubbing it in
Is there any grosser name for a cosmetic than “body butter”? It’s basically one shade less gross than “foot sauce”. QVC will be hawking “skin juice” any day now. Bath and Body Works selli...
down to our last
we don’t need anymore gods or goddesses of war or violence or victory those things are done they’re out of style they’ve ruined too much of this place we don’t need gods of comm...
submitted for your approval
sometimes I wonder if someone maybe myself maybe someone else some tail-end Generation X-er if one of us were granted a wish we didn’t know it but we got a wish and not knowing the power we he...
electric dreams
every science-fiction thing seems to push the idea that we need to be afraid of the robots taking over terminator movies - robots taking over matrix movies - robots taking over...
unlike a virgin
I wonder if Madonna manages to keep up her legendarily-terrible fake British accent even in the middle of coitus “oh, oh, call me Mummy, call me your Mummy, guv’nah!” “yes, ye...
jefferson hill and back
I walk a little blind dog for about a block and a half the one way then the same back and he pisses just about every five yards or so he marks his territory he doesn’t know that the...
way way up there
I just don’t understand why those two random guys were so goddamn excited about seeing a bird or a plane Superman, sure, I get that dude flying around in tights but “Look! Up ...
a new idea for a job
maybe I should invent a job called “impersonal trainer” where you just yell into crowds or into a camera: HEY, YOU SHOULD EXERCISE I DON’T KNOW WHICH MUSCLES OR WH...
the long waltz
when we arrived at this masquerade we couldn’t just leave someone already paid over time, we learned to dance our lives away to someone else’s beat by the ti...
I'm Sorry, Mister Williams Junior
I’m sorry, Mister Williams Junior I am indeed not ready for some football I am in no shape for any sort of Monday night party It has been a really long day of work and Tomorro...
everything I could never be
I’m not a provider she was right her stepford montauk mcmansion mother was right I am not a provider I was never a provider I will never be a provider and not j...
delivery, in five decades or less
Irene, good night Irene, good night Good night, Irene Good night, Irene I’ll see you in my dreams I’d always kind of thought that Herkimer’s Pizza-Hut would manage to survive the heat-de...
eight-nine time
ancient troubadours rehearse in a tuneless droning verse of loves fucked up in youth patrons lost for told truth and the soothing thought for some that a death will eventually come ...
haiku with caramel
this cracker-jack love while sweet clouds may fade with time the true prize endures
TAKE ME ON (HAIKU)
if only you would pull me through that little screen I’d be your a-ha
shower haiku
approximation in words, equivocation in action, a pity
parried moppings
supertragic expeditious funky halitosis even though the smell of it can lead to holy gnosis building up in weeping nodes of psychic scoliosis supertragic expeditious funky halitosis
haiku
i wonder if you dream of me, as I dream of you, in the summer
elegy for the guilty
those cops just threw him in the river the rocks were what bashed out his brain and you can’t press a charge on a river that would be wholesale insane they’re all just ...
silence
silence is golden and I’m goddamned near broke silence is golden it’s soft and it’s rarer than hen’s teeth in a vegan restaurant it’s precious and lusted after hoarded and often stolen when no...
the plan
you have to save everyone. if you can’t save everyone, save as many as you can. if you can’t save anyone, save yourself for later. if you can’t save yourself, at least save ...
ludwig von drake
all you gotta do is change your name to be a pop star or a rock star or a rap star all you gotta do is paint your face like someone else hide the fact you were born super rich or claim yo...
Book Description
these are first-drafts of my newer poems.
some of them will be great, some will be awful.
most will be okay.