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I had always kind of thought the Herkimer Pizza-Hut would manage to survive the heat-death of the universe. Cock-a-roaches and tardigrades collecting Personal Pan Pizzas from the Parents As Readi...

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A horror movie set against the backdrop of the Trojan War that somehow involves the line “the call is coming from INSIDE the horse!” I have never watched “Ted Lasso” and I do not know if “Jas...

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The best I can wish for anyone is that they might meet someone who can tolerate their neurosis with grace and similarly tolerates theirs. That’s the ground from which the seed of real love migh...

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Irene, good night Irene, good night Good night, Irene Good night, Irene I’ll see you in my dreams I’d always kind of thought that Herkimer’s Pizza-Hut would manage to survive the heat-de...

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Flamin’ Hot Cheetos as a starting point, not a logical conclusion. Moving forward to Molten Cheetos. Sublimating Directly From Solid To Gas Cheetos. Plasma-State Cheetos. History is full of a...

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ancient troubadours rehearse in a tuneless droning verse of loves fucked up in youth patrons lost for told truth and the soothing thought for some that a death will eventually come ...

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My D&D character transcribed mythologies & histories in a monastery archive before turning to adventure. My running gag for him is that a lot of those stories are riffs on our pop cultu...

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Consider the cautionary tale of two early humans, Thogg Grainsmasher and Chudd Stuffowner. Thogg’s family’s tradition of pulverizing grain for bread with a stone club went back beyond all tribal...

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I sure hope they call the porn parody “Everythong Everywhore All At Once”. XFL, as in “ex”, as in “some of these guys used to be football players”. I don’t know if there’d be juice in a sto...

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If I owned the world’s largest skunk as a pet, I would definitely call it “The Stink Panther”. With March 10th being Super Mario Day and May 4th being Star Wars Day, I guess it’s inevitable t...

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The Three Stooges totally should have tried a hair care tie-in called Shempoo. The music mash-up ruining my brain today is ACDC’s “It’s A Long Way To The Top” and the Stones “Jumping Jack Fla...

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My secret is that my borderline-obsequious over-abundance of humility is a defense mechanism. Not self-defense, mind you, it’s there to protect everyone else. When I was a child, I was greedy and...

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A parody of “Lose Yourself” predicated upon replacing “Mom’s spaghetti” with “my machete” and just riffing on horror movies from there. I’m trying to imagine a website so valuable to me that ...

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Ms. Piggy flirtatiously raised the hem of her dress as she moved, not showing a whole lot, mind you, just a little peek at her oinkle. I just saw an ad for a middle-of-the-road pop-country to...

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I’m honestly surprised there wasn’t a porn parody called THE LOIN KING. You will sail the seas of Scandinavia in a boat you call “The Fjord Explorer”. Utica gets a bad rap, making it sound ...

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On his first visit to Earth, Groot was very disappointed to discover what a “leaf blower” actually was. “What did you THINK it was?” Nebula asked him. He shrugged “I am Groot?” “You WOULD think...

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Nothing quite like the dog days of summer to make one feel like the most rotund piece of flotsam and/or jetsam in the sea, depending whether one was abandoned to the briny deep accidentally or on...

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She had been cooking calamari for so long, she was having a squid-life crisis. A sitcom about the Trojan Wars called FULL HORSE. Man, the seats from that new Tron rollercoaster at Disney lo...

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“Wipe out your cities / re-draw your maps / everybody’s doin’ / the Bronze Age Collapse”. Please create a dance pop banger using this line as the focus of the chorus, let’s create the weirdest ...

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It occurs me to how many younger people out there are eating Sour Patch Kids without making the connection that they’re a riff on Cabbage Patch Kids at all. While they may’ve heard of Cabbage P...

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this cracker-jack love while sweet clouds may fade with time the true prize endures

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“It ends with us,” she said, “I do not know what to do with that.” “Of course it ends with us,” I replied, “we’re closing shift today.” “No,” Jess laughed, “the novel It Ends with Us, the Colleen...

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I enjoy the term “athleisure” not because I would look good in those clothes but, rather, because it suggests competitive leisure and makes me feel like I could win a gold medal yet. Cargo sh...

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Why call it “homework” when you could call it “school samples”? In Stockholm, they call french fries “pommes frittes” or “Swede potato fries”. The phrase “I’ve got bees, they’re multiplying...

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if only you would pull me through that little screen I’d be your a-ha

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