littlefallsmets ⋅ 42

I write words, I sometimes get to perform them out, sometimes I'm even paid. And I'm trying to get it right, get it right.

with enough repetition, your flaws become your style

@Cecconi140

Entries 4,312

Page 4 of 173

August 23, 2021

aug 25 in idea barrages

The optimal name for a haunted house is “The Best Little Gorehouse In Texas”, provided, you know, it’s in Austin or whatever. Your body, a scratch and sniff sticker, your consciousness, your ...


August 23, 2021

aug 24 in idea barrages

A reverse chocolate chip cookie. A chocolate bar festooned with little cookie bits. Let’s do this, America. Okay, now we just gotta get RIVERS Cuomo to quit. Step 1: develop a THC-infused s...


August 20, 2021

aug 23 in idea barrages

Television destroyed the market for recurrent short subjects in theaters, it was a real serial killer. The original slogan was “I’m thinkin’ about settling for Arbys” but “I’m thinkin’ Arbys”...


August 20, 2021

aug 22 in idea barrages

Some would argue that their favourite TGIF sitcom / anime mash-up is URKEL 1/2 but there’s a lot to be said for FULLHOUSE ALCHEMIST. You know what I’d never thought about before? The old sitc...


August 20, 2021

aug 21 in idea barrages

Your EDM DJ vampire persona will be called “Count Bassy”. Radio killed the gramophone star, gramophone killed the piano roll star, piano roll killed the dancing hall star. The reality you wer...


We always talk about how long we get to live but we so rarely talk about how long we’re going to be dead, a number so close to infinity that it’s functionally indistinguishable from the infinite ...


There aren’t enough books where the mystery writer tries their hand at detective work and turns out to be terrible at it. There would be more of them, I reckon, but few crime novelists would care...


August 17, 2021

aug 20 in idea barrages

Microwaving Ellios alone at 3AM creates the legendary “impersonal pan pizza”. Did you see that show-off archer? His knees were quivering! LESS ICE CREAM SOCIALS, MORE PARFAIT PAR-TAYS! Wh...


August 17, 2021

aug 19 in idea barrages

Sure, 45 minutes a day for a year can get you shredded abs but for a mere five minutes total with floss you can have shredded gums. That’s… close, right? Your Iowa college marching band style...


August 17, 2021

aug 18 in idea barrages

They didn’t call the second Jumanji “Twomanji” because they’re cowards. Carpe Dulcis - See’s, The Candy Publish a magazine called POST-MODERN BRIDE. A “#1 Grandmother” mug is literally a ...


August 15, 2021

aug 17 in idea barrages

If Captain Kangaroo were on today, Twitter would be organizing conventions for strange adult men who claimed they were into it because it’s “good television for all ages” but were all really in...


August 15, 2021

aug 16 in idea barrages

Part of how we took down the Confederacy was as simple as flooding the market with counterfeits of their fake currency. You wanna bring down the neo-Confederacy? Start counterfeiting crypto-cur...


August 15, 2021

aug 15 in idea barrages

CARRY ON MY SQUIDWARD SON, THERE’LL BE FISH WHEN YOU ARE DONE A gallery show of paintings inspired by the work of Frank Zappa entitled EASELS RIPPED MY FLESH. America, believing itself to d...


August 12, 2021

aug 14 in idea barrages

Yes, you can bring your own lover to the brothel if you just need the bed, but there will be a porkage fee. There wouldn’t be much money to be made in a wings-focused restaurant themed around...


August 12, 2021

aug 13 in idea barrages

Sometimes I think about ANIMANIACS and how Wakko, Yakko and Dot refused to bring their brother Malcolm-Jamal along for the ride. If we could just get the word “craveable” cancelled as offensi...


August 12, 2021

aug 12 in idea barrages

Here’s something wild: Bruce Willis used to have hair. Really! I know, it’s like impossible to imagine but there it is. When I try to remember DIE HARD or MOONSTRUCK, my brain re-wrote him to b...


August 08, 2021

aug 11 in idea barrages

I hope they call Shrek fan-conventions “Swamp Meets”. How did Cheetos settle on “Dangerously Cheesy”? Who stepped in to pull them back from “Hazardously Cheesy” or “Poisonously Cheesy”? The l...


August 08, 2021

aug 10 in idea barrages

Watching the stands at Citi during the New York Mets game tonight, I remember why I am so comfortable in baseball stands and at comic-cons: both locations make me feel thinner and more in-shape...


August 08, 2021

aug 9 in idea barrages

A painting of a Craftsman cordless drill with the caption: “This Is Not A Drill”. The painting will be called “The Treachery of Advertising”. An Alanis Morissette starring horror movie YOU OU...


If we are lucky, very lucky, this life will have been as if it were a trip to some grand amusement park when we were children, so well-themed and so immersive we could have all sworn that it was ...


August 05, 2021

aug 8 in idea barrages

Why say “corrupt petrol-state” when you can say “fuel economy”? Why say “Pizza Meal-Ready-to-Eat” when you can say “Prepperoni Pizza”? Nostalgia fandom is fighting the same war raging thru ...


August 05, 2021

aug 7 in idea barrages

If they make a hip-hop musical about Martin Van Buren as a sequel to HAMILTON, we already have the main theme. MARTIIIIIIN, MARTIIIIIIN, HOW Y’ALL BEEN. It’ll be great. We are locked in. Had ...


August 05, 2021

aug 6 in idea barrages

Ollie is relaxing on a cool spot of the hardwood and I sing to him “LET THE DOGGIE SIT THE FLOOR, LET THE DOGGIE SIT THE FLOOR, LET THE DOGGIE SIT THE FLOOR”. No, IDEAS have meaning. Words ar...


August 03, 2021

aug 5 in idea barrages

When you need to write two frat boys as secondary villains in a comedy, I implore you to name them “Marshall Bennington the Third” and “Chester Matthers the Fourth”. This is important. It reall...


August 03, 2021

aug 4 in idea barrages

It calls forth an angry spirit that forces you to not skip leg day. It is The Master of Thighs by Suzanne Summoner. Sequel to HOME ALONE where The Snowshovel Slasher, a serial killer of negle...


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