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1.) The mumbled line in Paul McCartney’s song “Hands Across The Water” that goes “the butter wouldn’t melt so I put it in the pie” is a lot funnier if you imagine he’s saying “she’s little in the...
the sincerity that can only come from
driving straight through irony once
letting it burn all away and then
coming back to sincerity but wiser
returning to honesty full-circle
this is what fi...
sometimes it isn’t the punch
or the impact of their fist
it is in your gut reaction
it is your instinctive set
of reflexes that it evoked
that’s what really matters
maybe they’re not trying t...
when you finally accept that
we’re all just mostly water
you’ll be able to accept how
truly changeable we all are
we are none of us just one thing
we freeze and we steam
we sublimate, it hap...
may you long outlive your dreams
may you be survived by your legacy
may a better humanity outlive us all
ourselves our dreams our legacies all of it
may it all go on long long long beyond us
the grocery store your parents took
you to as a little kid no longer exists
all the money in the world could not
bring you back there even for a second
it irrevocably no longer exists here
1.) When you accept we’re all just mostly water, you’ll finally be able to accept how changeable we all are, we are none of us just one thing, we freeze, we steam, we sublimate, it happens.
1.) Your mash-up of ALL STAR and LOSE YOURSELF will involve the line “Somebody once told me, don’t puke mom’s macaroni”.
2.) No one will take your claims of having synthesized a new element serio...
the mystics and statistics
the gods and all the odds
there may be magic out there
but there are a lot more frauds
sometimes it’s a profundity
or sometimes just profanity
1.) I feel like if we can just hold onto this civilization long enough to get around to Sacha Baron Cohen starring in a Tony Shalhoub bio-pic, that will be the needed thing to pull us all back to...
When I was a child, the building next door to us was hit by a tornado. Not next-door my home, thank Whoever, but next-door to the Cannonball Twin where I was watching “A League of Their Own” with...
1.) The colloquial greeting Down Under “mate” has its origins in the local popularity of the male name “Mathan”, of course in honour of one of it’s founding fathers Sir Mathan Austrail.
1.) Mystics and statistics, gods and the odds, there may be magic out there but there’s a lot more frauds.
2.) I guess I’m the one human on the middle-ground that agrees that PETA was cartoonishl...
1.) Is a controlling polygamist a possessive plural?
2.) I only divulge my breadmaking skills on a knead-to-know basis.
3.) If someone drops a tree on your house and you don’t immediately yell “...
1.) The trick, I guess, is to guide people toward being better to each other without having your message corrupted by the power structure built to disseminate it. Jesus, Mohammad, Buddha, whoever...
I’m sorry for all the times in summer
that I said I would prefer the winter
I was wrong and this is all my fault
blame me totally and I’ll deserve it
I did this, I doomed us all to th...
1.) We specifically got a heavy metal hinged lidded kitchen trash can so this dog wouldn’t be able to get in the trash anymore. Damn thing pulled the little bit of bag hanging out of the can unti...
1.) Your Dylan parody about Back To The Future will be called “All Along The Clocktower”.
2.) I feel like tennis would be twice as popular if they changed the name to “Grunty Swatto”.
3.) Would ...
1.) A whiskey flask but inside that whiskey flask, a tiny Bible but inside that tiny Bible, a tiny bottle of a hallucinogen so rare and potent that mainstream science doesn’t even have a word for...
1.) Took a nap and had a nightmare about falling into a world of infinite synthesis of thesis and antithesis, infinite remix, deconstruction and reconstruction on an endless loop, watching realit...
1.) Clearly we need a corporate merger so that there can be a “Bed Bath Body Works And Beyond”.
2.) Every time you think that the main guys for the New England Patriots couldn’t be worse venial s...
1.) The opposite of “Mother Superior” is “Nun The Less”.
2.) Jim Morrison was an avid fan of Tupperware parties and would often sell from Door-to-Door.
3.) Why did they call the clothing line “C...
“You can’t spell ‘arboreal’ without ‘bore’, you know,” her wife gently teased. “You can’t spell it without ‘real’ either,” she teased right back. There was a little bit of truth in her joking of ...
not so very long ago
when you thought distant strangers
could hear your thoughts
they locked you away
now when not enough distant strangers
hear our every single little thought
it drives u...
when you’re just a little kid
you realize object permanence
that just because things leave
from inside your line of sight
it doesn’t mean they are gone
probably playing peek-a-boo