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You put your dick in the coconut/thats pretty fucked up/just get yourself together/I say Doctor/how much more much we endure/I say Doctor/get this man the talking cure/he put his dick in the co...
The white plastic garbage bags look just like the bottoms of snowmen. Or maybe vice versa. You can never tell around here.
There we go. There’s the sleep deprivation rush. There’s my brain si...
Yeah, I got drip. DRIP COFFEE.
Just gettin’ some lawn adornments from the Gnome Depot, is all.
If you want to show awful ads on that little screen with the tinny blown-out speakers when I’m...
There are few phrases with a stronger one-two of power and malleability in our English than “the end of the world”. It means so damned much to so many but also a different thing to nearly every p...
Less purchases of muscle-cars at mid-life, more existential Chryslers!
Relax! You’re getting a massage at The Spa of The Living Dead! Enjoy the zombiance!
If her stage name is Charity, your...
he really tried his best
but still enkidu stayed
down in his early grave
he went straight to pieces
but he still came on back
twice into the waves
I want a Home Alone where Kevin is now a serial killer of neglectful parents and The Wet Bandits are offered time off their sentences if they help the FBI find him and bring him down. THE SILEN...
simply a courier an errand boy
merely messenger inside these
emboldened new roman times of
mild recline and wild decline
and you have gotten yours and
I too once almost had mine
“I hate those The Secret books,” she told Frank more than once, “the idea that magic’s simple as projecting intentions then getting whatever you want, such a childish and hungry and greedy way of...
If you think about it, a Bollywood musical number about a cheating lover could devolve into a Frenchin’ Indian War.
Jedis and Sith alike get the crystals for their laserswords on Kyber Monday...
I feel like if we start naming COVID strains to sound like rare Transformers figures, we’re going to end up with the internet WANTING to collect them all.
He claimed he was beaten up by a mys...
how many times must we
bust ourselves into pieces
refilling the scars with gold
like that japanese pottery
until we are instead
a perfect golden image
of who we used to be
Eminem rapping about the Spider-Man trailer: “And Doctor Strange says / NOTHING, YOU IDIOT / he’s with the villains he locked in the basement!”
NEW RULE: You can only tell origin stories in t...
So DC Comics had a character with power to control rocks & dirt who was European royalty & they called him “Geo-Force” not “Landlord”? Do I have to think for everyone? Did they have a w...
Imagine you roll six 18s, honest, in character generation.
Now, you could just enjoy playing a Multi Attribute Dependent class as if they were a better...
(ambiguity your) bread and butter
(always bringing home the) bacon
milk (it for as long as you can)
(it’s your money and your) life
(don’t let them know your) secret
Calling the minor X-Men character Jamie Madrox “Multiple Man” missed a trick. They could’a done “The Divisible Man”.
A book about the insane economics of social media and viral video called M...
Middle November. Out the window, in the streetlight, the first flurries of wet snow in the sky. Every single mind born in the Lake Effect Belt looks out, clenches their jaw, balls up their fist...
“You play any instruments?” Frank asked, deflecting back to me. “My brother,” I said, “brilliant guitarist, though he’s rusty. My dad is, was,” Frank and I both stumble on the line between what i...
Maybe conservative parents would be more comfortable with sex ed. classes if we called them something different like “Pubic Relations”.
Do people take a short break in No-Nut November for Cra...
when the bastards found out
that they couldn’t eat money
that their yachts couldn’t love them
fine suits couldn’t fend off the plague
they doubled-down on their stupidity...
“Don’t go eat the Applebees with anyone else but me, anyone else but me” would be the weirdest song parody ever.
Asshole bottom JEANS, boots on the FEET
If Disney really wanted to get their...
in diminished amazement
the everbrooding Batman
witnessed Clark Kent
resurrect yet again
as happens so often
for the two of them
as well as all of the
driving over the underpass
a manual for the automatic
sitting up atop underpants
it’s the moving stationery
still making memory dance
Betty Boop will reminisce
for old Beatrice Bopo...
Do you think anyone ever broke up with Geordi LaForge, was like “I think we should see other people” then, like, was so embarrassed by the faux pas that she rescinded the break-up?
He’s the o...