Keeper of Secrets ⋅ 35
Entries 45
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More Ramblings of a borderline in Chaos
There are sooo many things that I wish non borderliners could understand about us but mainly I wish they could understand how intensely we feel emotions. Normal day to day events that may cause ...
Ramblings of a borderline in Chaos
I’m struggling hard. My 11 yo daughter who has ODD (oppositional defiant disorder) is now staying with my sister. I feel very conflicted about this. On one hand I’m relieved because our whole hou...
I had my first major test of the term today and I think I did horribly I didn’t feel ready. I studied and practiced but with everything going on my head is all foggy and I wasn’t able to think cl...
Don't even know anymore in Chaos
My daughter has been home on a 72 hour pass and we are trying to get her back to school. Yesterday she went and managed to get through the day. Today....she wouldn’t go. She had a headache. I gav...
My 11 yo daughter was admitted to the hospital this week after expressing thoughts about wanting to be dead and wanting to harm herself. She has been diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder....
What was the point in Chaos
Blugh I’ve been working on going back to school for the last 4-6 months. I’ve done everything that they’ve asked of me in order to get financial help. I researched schools, I’ve gone in and inte...
Fake it til you make it in Chaos
So yesterday our class was about confidence. I find this topic amusing because most people think that I am an extremely confident person…because that’s what I portray. Don’t get me wrong, depend...
Furious!!! in Chaos
I’m tired of living in this shithole. Its a tiny 2 bedroom apartment. Rent is cheap but it’s not worth the bullshit anymore. My neighbor across the hall is paranoid and batshit crazy!! She thinks...
Feeling crazy in Chaos
Blah. I’ve taken my meds and nothing major has happened but I feel out of sorts. I feel bitchy and angry for no reason. I love and hate my SO. I have this overwhelming feeling of boredom. I ju...
A day living with emotional intensity disorder in Chaos
I wake up. I’m still exhausted from another night of tossing and turning all night. I usually wake up at least 6 times throughout the night. I force myself to get out of bed to get the kids rea...
I hate emotions in Chaos
I feel angry, annoyed, irritated, sad, lonely, hurt, useless and 20 other things all.at once. In 5 mins I may feel a whole new set of emotions. I hate having Emotional Intensity. I hate that I ne...
Sex sex sex in Chaos
It’s like a weird obsession for me. I have a love hate relationship with it. I love sex but I hate how it affects me soo much. My entire adult life I was made to believe my only worth was sex. It...
Ever look in a mirror one day and see someone disgusting and hideous but then look in that same mirror another day and see a different face? I’ve always wondered if this happened to everyone. Th...
Since starting group I’ve come to the realization that Avoidence is my thing.. Instead of dealing with a problem or something that’s bothering me I avoid it. I do this in different ways depending...
The day I died in Chaos
23 years ago I died. I was 7 years old and had been out digging holes in a snow bank with my cousin. We really didn’t see any danger in it and it was fun seeing who could dig the deepest. My cous...
Today I had my court required settlement conference with my ex regarding the custody of our kids. He has fought be for 2 years not willing to give me sole custody of them even though he has very ...
I just want an end in Chaos
I am not ok. I am tired of pretending that I am. I am tired of the constant battle inside my head. I want to die. I am ready to die.
Why do I even try?? in Chaos
I met with my counselor this morning and we talked about how group was going. I told her that I’m making some progress but last week was rough. She helped me work on some of my homework from grou...
Overwhelmed in Chaos
Just got done group tonight and I’m experiencing high intensity. I’m not even sure what triggered me. It might have been when one of the group members got confrontational with one of the group le...
Nightmares in Chaos
I keep having dreams of being raped. Almost everynight. I can’t handle it anymore. Maybe I just won’t sleep anymore.. Fuck my life.
Today I was able to use one of the skills I’ve learned from therapy to keep my emotional intensity from increasing! This is huge for me! I was helping my little put lego together and it kept fal...
Finally a diagnosis in Chaos
Today my oldest finally had her psych evaluation after being on a waitlist for over a year. She was diagnosed with social anxiety and general anxiety....It wasn’t a surprise to us. She’s shown si...
Drowning... in Chaos
Things had been going so.well. I’m back on meds. I’m going to group. I’ve got my drivers license back and I actually have money in the bank.. So why do I feel so hopeless. I feel like I’m slowly...
Tired of feeling in Chaos
I’m tired of all.these intense emotions that most of the time I can’t even identify. I’m frustrated with how hard it is to learn how to manage my emotions. I just want to go numb for awhile. I d...
Group Therapy in Chaos
I have group.therapy tonight but I’m dreading it. I really want to learn skills to deal with emotional intensity but I’m so uncomfortable in a group setting. Last week nobody talked. We all just ...
