More Ramblings of a borderline in Chaos

There are sooo many things that I wish non borderliners could understand about us but mainly I wish they could understand how intensely we feel emotions.

Normal day to day events that may cause slight discomfort to a non borderliner, can cause us excruciating pain. And don’t get me wrong, generally we end up causing the pain ourselves by misreading a situation or interpreting something incorrectly, but nonetheless we FEEL everything to the extreme.

Love for example is super intense for us. When we let someone in and fall in love with them it’s intense. However, most borderliners, we tend to be extremely loving and loyal. If we choose to let you in and love you it can be the purest love you will ever receive. We will love you simply for you and expect very little in return. This causes us to get used a lot.

I recently let someone into my life and it was the first time in a very long time that I felt safe. That doesn’t happen often for me. They decided they needed time apart to figure out their own shit and it has left me devastated and crushed. It’s destroying to be given the feeling of being safe and then have it taken away. I wish I could explain that to them. I wish they could understand exactly what I’m feeling and know how hard this is.

Every day is a battle.

I’m exhausted.

But I am a fighter.