I hate emotions in Chaos

I feel angry, annoyed, irritated, sad, lonely, hurt, useless and 20 other things all.at once.

In 5 mins I may feel a whole new set of emotions.

I hate having Emotional Intensity.

I hate that I need to take 6 to 7 pills a day just to be able to slightly manage my EI.

I hate how my thoughts are wired. I hate that I think about killing myself 3 or 4 times a day.

I hate that I can’t trust how I feel about anyone. One day I can look at them and they are my idle. I can’t picture my life without them and then the next day I want nothing to do with them.

I hate that I don’t really know who I am. I feel like I have no identity so I take on traits of the people around me. My likes and dislikes can change based on whos around.

I just wish I could explain to the ones in my life how hard living with EI is and that the hatefullness that comes out isn’t always me.

Maybe I shouldn’t be allowed to live.