Sex sex sex in Chaos

It’s like a weird obsession for me.

I have a love hate relationship with it. I love sex but I hate how it affects me soo much.

My entire adult life I was made to believe my only worth was sex. It was what I was good at and I was constantly reminded of it.

Therapy has helped me deal with it or so I had thought. Meeting my bf and him taking things slow helped but I still struggle hard with that thinking.

Now I’m in a relationship where we rarely have sex and it’s fucking with my head. I feel extremely confused by it and most of the time when my bf doesn’t want sex I feel rejected and worthless.

I wish I didn’t want sex. I wish I didn’t feel this need for sex.

It controls me.