youjusd0ntkn0

“I have absolutely no pleasure in the stimulants in which I sometimes so madly indulge. It has not been in the pursuit of pleasure that I have periled life and reputation and reason. It has been the desperate attempt to escape from torturing memories

Edgar Allan Poe

Entries 72

Page 1 of 3

I hate that for me to gain any sort of respect I have to play the rich boy card.... like I might look like trash but I’m dressed in Balenciaga, carrying an Hermés bag living in a 8500 sq ft apart...


May 02, 2019

Husband ruminations in Musings

He’s smart as fuck, but I’m a helluva lot smarter. He has always kind of disagreed with my obnoxious intelligence… but it’s also the reason why he keeps marrying me… I am obnoxiously intelligent ...


The very thing I love about him, I hate about him in this battle of paradoxes… And I’ve also felt this way about Alexander… and most definitely know that I’m in some sick competition with him tha...


April 23, 2019

Fuck You Mom. in Musings

Easter was a bust. A mega bust. Everything and every move that I made I was reprimanded for… “Andres! Uncross your legs!” “Andres sit up straight, like a man!” “Andres! Why is your hair frizzy!” ...


April 16, 2019

I am my own monster in Musings

I sat in my bullshit luxury apartment’s bathroom… in the corner contemplating if I should just drink the Clorox or slap the rest of my Ativan down my throat and end everything… I’m so tired, I’m ...


April 03, 2019

I'm very simple in Musings

You think that giving me a diamond bullshit piece of jewelry is what I want to remember when my mother is dying?!?! And yes maybe I was extremely irate. I hadn’t slept, i drank all night with my ...


I believe that when you are spiritually weak evil shit comes to you. It’s like a vulture, eat the dying Carcass. I’m not in my right state of mind and I’m lashing out in different directions. Th...


I always begin to write in you and I fall asleep and I wake up and I’m numb from the hurt. Aging is an awful way to die… i wanna go on my terms, not because I’m old. Alex is wonderful. I mean he’...


December 27, 2018

Learn something! in Musings

Let me explain to you something… even as a child, playing video games, I never played on Easy mode—I always played on Hard mode. Spider Man vs Kingpin 24-hours you had the choice of 3 lives or 1 ...


December 14, 2018

I don't do revenge in Musings

I woke up and felt like something was missing… like that weird phenomenon, you have something on the tip of your tongue but you can’t exactly say it.... I took the train and transferred, I was pl...


December 12, 2018

The Hippocrisy of Forgiveness in Musings

I know that it sounds bourgeoisie and stuck up… but everything that I am and everything that I worked for is exactly where it should be. I fucking smell like Tom Ford parfum, I have a Gorksi chev...


White boys just don’t get me. Thank God I’m with Alex and although he’s a white boy, he knows that I’m not a boy that he has to understand, he’s just like “that’s my babe, don’t disrespect him—yo...


November 16, 2018

The million ramblings in Musings

“It’s just a little snow Andy, c’mon stop being a princess!” Alex said as we walked out way to our apartment… First of all I am not a fucking princess… however, I have 1500$ shoes on trudging in ...


October 26, 2018

Let's be normal(?) in Musings

It’s been 25 years that my grandmother has left us… it’s so weird to me that I was 6-7? Years old and I’m the only person who remembers her… I remember her so clearly… there are times I’m rushin...


October 23, 2018

I love you Grandma. in Musings

I consider myself a rational man… I consider myself a very educated man… however, there are something’s that supercede my book knowledge and coalesce into a spiritual realm. My cousins chatter be...


October 20, 2018

Rest In Peace, Grandma in Musings

“I got your back babe! Fuck them!” Yeah I hear you Alex… but I’m always in your shadow… I’m tired of telling white people that I’m fucking gorgeous, tan, with dark hair and Asian slitty eyes and...


I never get into political debates or anything polarizing with any of my friends, any of Alex’s friends or strangers, for that matter. I have a very clear idea of what I look like decked out in l...


September 21, 2018

Black Licorice in Musings

I’m like black licorice. Either you love me or you fucking hate me. Through the years of being absolutely loved and hated by friends and friends of friends, I’ve realized that I’m not everyone’s ...


I do love Alex being back in my life… I feel like he respects me more as an equal, as a man, and he tries really hard to take part of my life, my interests, my endeavors and my business. He didn...


August 25, 2018

Triggered in Musings

My movie producer friend wanted to do some research in domestic violence across all spectrums… man on woman, woman on man, man on man etc. And he wanted to talk to me about somethings… I feel lik...


I’m getting so weirded out by this marriage situation. He wants the ceremony to be done by the fall of next year and he’s single handedly doing his own research. Honestly, I don’t know if I want...


April 06, 2018

Happy Birthday Aries. in Musings

Happy Birthday to me… There are so many things wrong with the fact that I’m living in Puerto Rico right now… My mom and sister aren’t here and I FaceTimed with them at 7 AM as they both sang (off...


I’ve been in Puerto Rico for so long and it’s hard to acclimate to the culture here for me. I’m not Puerto Rican enough to fit in. I mean it’s nothing that I haven’t experienced because I’m too ...


Yaniel and I are in Puerto Rico… It’s horrible here… it’s so sad and depressing seeing all these houses with blue tarp over there rooftops… His family was devastated by the hurricane and he had t...


November 29, 2017

Ramblings in Musings

“You know what’s crazy about you, bro?” I could hear the question in the distance “you mad pretty, and niggas glad that you dead in my lap and they got what you had!” And it might of been a hallu...


Books 1


112 Entries
Public