Jealousy. in Musings

“I’m over this” I chugged my glass of wine. Liam scrunched his face “we’ve only been here like 30 minutes baby, chill” he said putting his arm over my shoulders.
“I hate it here!” I said through gritted teeth. “I feel like I stand out, I fucking can’t stand the way these fucking girls are just literally just throwing there pussy at you, if you wanna stay, this is an event for you and tattoo artists like you, if another girl ‘accidentally’ on purpose reaches for something behind you, over you, under you or whatever, I am going to go ape shit on her” I said as I started to walk away… he started laughing, holding his stomach, as if what I said to him was tickling the fuck out of him.
As he laughed and I seethed in toxic jealousy, I just hear a girl giggle and say “oh my god! What’s so funny?!”
I turned the fuck around so swiftly and Liam saw the absolute rage and insanity in my face, I was going to literally going to shove my fist in her stupid mouth and kill her. Liam pushes her behind him and intertwined his hands in mine and before I spewed toxicity he kissed my neck and said “hey what’s your name?” To the girl and before she answered he said “this is my fiancé—Andy, it’s his first time in this type of convention, he feels weird” she guffawed. Blinked. Looked at me, looked at him and said hesitantly “oh fi-fi-fiancé? I’m Nicole” she leaned in to kiss me and he pushed her away gently and said “yeah well we’re gonna go check out some of the artists, we’ll see you around Nataly” and he held me super tight against him “it’s, it’s um Nicole” and Liam just said “yeah sure.nice to meet you! See you around!”

We walked into the crowd and I felt like my ears were going to boil off of my head… I’ve felt jealousy before, but I am usually really smooth and calm and collected about it… but when I get jealous with Liam… I just absolutely go into this weird rage that I just feel like my blood gets so fucking hot it it’s exploding out of my skin like lava.

“Yo!” He said as he held my hands in front of him “Andy!” He said swaying our hands back and forth “you need to chill baby!” He said grinning, which pissed me off as well…
“Why the fuck are you smirking Liam?!” I said.
“Yooooo!!!” He said waving his hand in my face and then grabbing my mouth in his hand “who has the ring that I bough off of the sweat off my back? Huh? Who do I need to fuck every night? Who wakes up before me and knows to let my captain crunch cereal get soggy, cause he knows I like soggy cereal?” He said smirking. “Hmm?” He wrapped his arms around my waist “hmm? Who’s my bestest friend? Huh?” He said resting his forehead on mine. “Hmm? Who? Who’s my beautiful King?” He said pursing his lips, trying to reach mine. “Hmm? It’s Andres right? It’s my baby Andy right?” He said lifting me up from the ground. “Baby, I swear to everything sacred, I don’t see anyone here or anyone, anywhere worth HALF of a half of a millimeter as good as you” he said kissing me…”I’m grinning ‘cause Damn!” He said laying my head on his chest “Damn it, I like when you’re a little jealous—it fucking turns me on, it makes me feel special” he said as he kissed me.

25-30 minutes passed and we went to the car, and there was a weird silence. I got home and I still felt that weird deafening silence.

Liam is such an amazing man. If I ask him to jump he’s not your typical “yes man”, he ain’t jumping through fire hoops and daggers to appease me. But he will do so, if it keeps me happy.

I broke the silence—“Li, are you mad at me, that’s why you’re so quiet?” I asked and he looked at me and just laughed “baby, you know me, I just stood quiet cause I thought you were mad at me!”

Oh
My
God

It’s not him that’s the problem, it’s me, it’s how I communicate.

“But for real baby, keep your jealousy in check” he said pulling me by my shirt to him. “That was bat shit crazy and I get turned on when you get jealous but that was insane, babe”
“Yeah I know” I said holding on to his death grip hand wrap On my shirt.
He kissed me deeply and intensely “maybe I’m not doing something as a man that made you that insecure baby” he said biting his bottom lip and rubbing the palm of my hand on his face and pushed my free hand down to his pants.
“You got me harder than a statue” he said squeezing my hand over himself.

30 seconds in he had found a way to pull off my pants. The next minute he has gotten me naked from my waist down and he pulls himself out through the zipper. He kisses me deeply and swats off all of the pillows on our sofa, he spits in his hand and I am at his complete mercy.
“Oh baby how you gonna think I would ever leave this?” He said pressing his fingers over my lips as he buried himself inside of me.
“It was made for me” he said kissing me. “Oh baby I was meant to be yours and your always gonna be mine”
His intensity. The deep baritone of his voice. The smell that permeated from his arm pits, his swollen cherry red lips. The way his hands felt sliding up and down the side of my body. The hard throbbing of him as he continued thrusting into me.
I’ve never, ever orgasmed with such explosive intensity… as he kept rocking his hips back and forth, watching the fountain that kept pulsating out of me, creating a puddle on my stomach and chest. I felt like I died and was reborn.

He scooped the puddle off my chest and used it as his lubricant.
“Oh god baby” I whimpered trying to squirm away from him as he held my waist and continued to thrust.
“Who do I come home to Andy?” He said slamming into me.
“Baby! You!” I felt my walls throbbing.
“Yeah?! And who am I to you?” He kept drilling into me, as I struggled in pleasure and pain as he forcefully hit the end of my insides.
“Your my boyfrie—” I couldn’t finish the words as he grabbed my hands to leverage himself to painfully and blissfully torture me.
“I’m not your fucking boyfriend” he slammed into me, and I felt like I would pass out.
“Li–please–” I tried gripping my legs around him to prevent his movements.
“Who the fuck am I to you? Huh?” He grabbed a fistful of my hair and I felt a swarm of tingling, awful pleasure and calming pain… I couldn’t control myself of these fucked up orgasms.
“You’re my husband.. my man” and he growled as he kissed me deeply. Feeling his immense relief inside of me.

You’re mine. No one else’s. I am yours and I don’t have eyes for anyone else but you. I love you too much. He whispered in my ear as I wrapped my legs around him. Leave that crazy Puerto Rican jealous bullshit somewhere else. I’m yours, I’m your husband, I’m your fiancé, I’m your bestfriend, your brother, you lover—there’s no one, absolutely no one in this world that can exist in the same space in my soul for you. That’s it! I dunno how I failed as a partner to you for you to be crazy jealous like that, but it ends now…

He laid next to me… pulled off his jeans properly. Curled himself up next to me. Kissed my shoulder. And as he always does, which I love and adore, ruins the moment.
“Your man’s a freak huh? You like how daddy makes you bust without even touching you?” He said wiggling his eyebrows.
“Ugh!” I rolled my eyes “shut up!”
“Aww c’mon baby” he said pulling me into his little spoon. “I think you love me” he started humming “I think you liiiikkkeeee me, you think I’m sexxxxyyyy” he laughed and I just curled up into him.

I never felt so elated. So understood. So intoxicated in love and lust..