shespeaksmetaphors
Entries 77
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Stages and Goodbyes in The First Life
I dislike saying goodbye. It annoys me, mostly. I like to slip away while no one notices. Whenever I’m leaving, and I’m bound by guilt to say goodbye, my throat gets tense. I hug awkwardly. Sm...
Howl in The First Life
I’ve definitely been here before. Watching the road feed the horizon as I move forward, staring back. People think of the capacity to feel as only being so much. Like the glass half empty-half...
Choked up in The First Life
These past two days have been rough. Heavy chest for no reason. My mind has been distracted. Just his presence in this universe has been enough to make my senses vibrate. I can’t shake this. I...
I hope you find your peace in The First Life
Today, I forgave myself for something I was regretting. I painted watercolor for the first time, spoke to a boy I still love, found the art suffering deep in my soul. I bled out in galaxy colors...
Constants and positivity in The First Life
Breathe positivity into the world and it will return. In these past two weeks I’ve smiled more than I had in a very long time. My heart feels so warm and full with new friendships. I’ve learne...
I feel you in The First Life
I’ve been writing with pen and paper. Every day facing the sun in hopes it’ll feed me. I’m reciting the good, the good, the good. Smiling to blank faces and breathing deep into my belly. I’m fin...
Stillwater in The First Life
I’m making friends. I’ve been confident and dry-humored and charming. If you knew me, that would make sense. I can go out alone and not fear.. Slowly making bar families and catching the eye of ...
Doubt and Wonder in The First Life
On the one day in....as long as I remember....that I don’t think about you… You find me… Quite literally show me the blood pouring from your mouth. Tell me you’ve been sad.. I wonder if you tol...
Right, and wrong timing. in The First Life
I’m shut in a white hotel room in a state all the way down south. One I’ve never seen before. I’m thinking of John, still. I always refrained from using his name, but I know he never wanders in...
Monochrome in The First Life
It’s quiet in my place, despite how I thought I’d fill it with noise, I have not. It’s clean. I didn’t change that part he shaped....I do leave dishes overnight sometimes. And I’ve been getting...
Should Have Known... in The First Life
It took me less than three hours and 6 boxes to move my 3 years of life out of that house. My mom always said “I don’t see much of you in that house”…I’d make excuses about how I don’t want thin...
Does Heart Mean More? in The First Life
Greeted with silence, and it still haunts me…weeks later. I can’t remember to take my vitamins, but my brain takes the time to think about you every day. I am 1,467 days older.... I always sai...
Can't take back time.. in The First Life
I’ve been wasting my time, haven’t I? I’m backing into a corner, small in my mind. I shrink every time you walk in the room, and I can’t explain why. I’m cold, lost from touch that means anything...
The past was more present in The First Life
I keep thinking of a day…or maybe couple of days that have blended together. It was the warm part of Autumn. Leaves had fallen, the colors were bright hues of red and yellow, sunset orange. I d...
Do you hear me? in The First Life
Goodness.... I dreamt of you last night. First time in a long time. Saw your face the closest I have seen it since April of 2014. I could reach through you if I wanted to. You’ve stuck with me ...
How do I really feel? in The First Life
I no longer write. I fear I may not remember how to. I draw blank after blank. Does nothing move me? I’m filled with so much uncertainty. I keep it so quiet. I ask for permission. I say sorry a l...
Just two different animals. in Painted in Watercolor
He and I… are two different animals. We have a lot in common. We live in close quarters. But sometimes…Our likenesses aren’t enough. Deep down we’re still two monsters sharing a cage. Cornerin...
If you knew me in The First Life
I don’t write any more…At all. Anyone that knows me, knows I am an artist of sadness. My creative spark comes from negative feelings. I wish he knew that… Since that day in early June, that I r...
Sandcastles. in Painted in Watercolor
Why is it that....we grow..feeling the need to have someone else along side us, growing old as well, and growing with one another, into one another, shadows and light of each other, echos to re...
Weeks in The First Life
105 weeks... A fire pit, it's early morning, some time in what must have been March or April. The coals are dying out, the logs are ashy, an old love confessed all he had faced and learned over o...
Scatterbrained in The First Life
Sometimes I still find myself aimlessly searching for lost words. Ones meant to creep upon my eyes. We'll pretend we both don't know, like we used to, for a time. Those aren't the times we have n...
Weather and Underdogs. in The First Life
These clouds have been hovering for days. Grey, grey, storm clouds, threatening in color..my hearts beats with anticipation..yet, in the days that have passed..not a single drop has fallen. Inste...
Structure vs. Shifting in The First Life
This weekend felt so textbook suburban lifestyle. What is this regular life I have begun to engage in? It barely feels real. I've got 10 minutes until reality sets in again. The work week. Ba...
Which of the standard lines will we use? in The First Life
“You awake? ” I never am when he sends me that these days. His life seems all the same, just with someone who isn’t me. And there I am, fast asleep on any given night, in different places th...
The Best Thing in Painted in Watercolor
Stepped into old skin.. Still lingering in its atmosphere of doubt and low self esteem. Walked a day in the sun with shoulders square, but shortly after, ended here. All these days of shifting c...
