Weather and Underdogs. in The First Life

These clouds have been hovering for days. Grey, grey, storm clouds, threatening in color..my hearts beats with anticipation..yet, in the days that have passed..not a single drop has fallen. Instead, they come and pass, sun and Grey, sun and Grey. No metaphor, just the weather. It has been all over as of late. But I enjoy each rise and fall as it passes. Sit in the skin soaking sun, and moments later, fill my lungs with air that tastes like a storm. None of it phases me. I just find it peculiar.
This time of year always holds such reminiscence. The feelings ebb and flow away. It's getting easier to replace the past. I've been having odd dreams. Haven't had lucidity since some time last year. My mind and imagination were always so wide open when I was with John. I always found it so odd that once we were apart, any time we'd break up...my lucidity would end. I always spent my time looking for answers in them anyway, always spent time looking for him in them. ..Maybe I should have taken note of that, instead of alwaya pursuing where he might be. Never did find him..but he always found me in his. I sound like such a ghost in his...or..I used to anyway. I'm sure he still has his. I've got a bout this weekend. The amount of pumped up I am is unreal. I've got a lot of derby energy just waiting to be released. Practices have been to slow...maybe it'll be good for me. I watched Jarrod play this weekend. They lost by 14 points which is next to nothing. And I know had some of their teammates made it a point to be at that game, that they would've won by a lot. I learn something every time I watch a game, and 9 times out of 10 it has nothing to do with the moves made, or plays, or strategies...but everything to do with spirit, and mental togetherness and positivity, fire. I've seen games where the underdog will be down by 50+ points...which is a huge lead really...but I've seen them come out on top, I've seen them bridge that gap in the last 10 minutes of a game and win. That is spirit, that is fire. I've also seen teams get a 30 point lead and the other team just dies. The other team gets crushed and loses their fire and power and will to win. I've been the person sitting at turn three cheering on a jammer that just isn't giving them hell. I've felt my heart racing, knowing that my team, though down by 30 something points, can win, will win, so I scream for my jammer, because I know when I hear that out of the crowd, that I hone in on it, it pushes me harder. But I've seen them fizzle and fade, no matter how hard I yell or hope. And when it's over, and they've lost, I'll know that they could have won, had they kept their hearts aflame. I sat cheering this losing team, knowing they were better, knowing they should have won. It's easy to play when you're on top. But heart is what shows when you fight from the bottom and come out on top. That's passion. That's what matters. Watching that game...I vowed I would never be the jammer to not give what the crowd was cheering for. To never let anyone or anything take my fire. Win or lose. I never want to let the person in the crowd who is screaming for us to win, down. I think that's more important than anything .