Scatterbrained in The First Life

Sometimes I still find myself aimlessly searching for lost words. Ones meant to creep upon my eyes. We'll pretend we both don't know, like we used to, for a time. Those aren't the times we have now. I'll reach out because something old touched my mind. Times where the scenery just wouldn't fade, still etched in my brain like handprints in the sidewalk. There's the date, and the name, and marks that show how much things have changed. We have bigger hands now, wouldn't you say? Full of more things that keep our time and our fingers nimble and quick. Just as quick as your replies, and in that instant it all fades. Like it's just so easy to fly back into the now, and realize that nothing is the same. We hardly talk these days. Quick exchanges that don't dwell in any second thinking. And...everything is okay.

Life just keeps feeling so fleeting and busy. Every hour of the day pinched to fit everything in. I always feel in a rush, I've always been a high intensity person, I rush rush rush...I need to learn to slow down, rushing only seems to keep my heart racing, soaking each breath in anxiety. Lessons to be learned. Breathe deep, slow down. I don't even have things to say, I miss writing sometimes, but I don't need to write nearly as much as I once did, in fact, I haven't felt that need in a very long time. Which is good, I'm in an overall good place. I'm just at that point of growing up where the realization that time just keeps flying faster, is really becoming a point to soak in. Convincing myself of the necessities in where my time goes. Went to a theme park with some coworkers and realized what a time draining experience that is. Spend most of the time in lines and walking for maybe an hours worth of fun overall. Worth it? Probably not. Sit through commercials just to continue watching a 30 minute show that takes up an hour because of the breaks. Silly things like that. Is that odd? And then it comes down to money, I'm spending money for things like theme parks and television, and how did I get that money? Spending my time at work making money, and that money is being drained by time wasting things. I'm odd, but this is something I have thought of a lot lately.

I guess that's it, my brain is just scattered tonight.