Entries 186
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july 13, 2012
'me like a river does. So. Ya know. it shouldn't be like this. I should feel loved by him. as comfortable w/ around him as I once was. this isn't good [well no clearly not]. I know he loves me. h...
july 17, 2012
'god so here we go. I've been in recovery the past 4 summers. I don't remember the last time I ate breakfast. Like, real breakfast food. In Denmark last year on my 24th. They had this fabulous br...
july 18, 2012
'sry that last word was supposed to be 'control*. destruction. anger. Um. He's right. again, he's right. I do think I have to be perfect. And I have this constant, almost paranoia that at any p...
july 24, 2012
'So it's been a long day. Currently: 10:30 p.m. Last night I went out on their balcony & briefly talked to Max. He's from Texas which I knew but spent most of his time here [CO]. His parents ...
july 24, 2012
'>[oh yeah. also. I'm on my period, so]. So, he moved in last week. And that's great and everything....I........but........just. It's that, instead of phoning me he games. W/ Max. or he's at w...
july 24, 2012
'>....stop you unless you want me to" - James. So. Last Wed. I drank. And then the Wed. before that. I didn't drink the 4th. Or at the last Synthetics show which I think. was the 15th. it was ...
july 25, 2012*
'So.................it happened last Wed. and the Wed. before that. The.......circus........thing. The.um. schizophrenia. I haven't had a really bad one in weeks. Oh it happened over the weekend ...
july 30, 2012
'I actually started writing this entry this morning but I was stoned so I didn't really finish. or start, actually. got a few words in and was like 'uh.....what.........?'. couldn't finish was st...
july 31, 2012*
'So. Apparently according to Max the other James [Katrina's guy] latches onto the first girl who takes an interest in him. Yeah I used to be like that.......uh. still am, actually just less so. A...
july 31, 2012*
'Mermaids, gorgeous glass women. SA TW Please Be Kind. & Supportive. No Advice. Um. So. My PTSD's gotten worse which, isn't all that surprising. As has my schizophrenia. The other day i...
aug. 1, 2012*
'ok so to continue w/ my entry from.um. oh, yesterday. paranoia, room bed moving. recovery. Please Be Kind & Supportive. No Advice. Yeah so like I've maybe mentioned, my PTSD's gotten w...
aug. 1, 2012*
'strong>Please Be Kind. & Supportive. No Advice. So talking about alcoholism. which actually I wasn't but am now. So, apparently. The reason James cuts me off from drinking isn't the r...
aug. 3, 2012*
'Btb I'm slightly intoxicated, so. As put. SA Potential TW Please Be Kind. & Supportive. No Advice. Um. Lately I've been remembering what happened before & after the 2nd r*pe. I w...
aug. 13, 2012*
'Well I got drunk. [and on that note beer makes me feel sexy. and powerful]. So thispast weekend we were up in Arvada. at his place. left Wed. evening and came back yesterday evening. Yeah so it ...
aug. 14, 2012*
'So Max has the same view on my rpe [wow that's a weird phrase. my rpe] as James does. Don't think too much about it............if it's upsetting. No and ok I mean I get that. That's, actually wh...
aug. 14, 2012*
'>........protection. Graphic. SA TW. You've been warned. Please Be Supprtive. & Kind. No Advice. Ok so this might be a bit weird. or, well, maybe not.actually. um. Justso hear me ou...
aug. 14, 2012
'>......of mind somewhat. So over the past couple weeks I've been doing some thinking about this. You know, my whole life I always believed one thing. Well. One thing above all else. That li...
aug. 14, 2012*
'um. TW for abuse i mean. Be Careful Reading. Please Be Kind. & Supportive. No Advice. Ok, so. On Sat. night/Sun. morning after all that crap went down, James & I went to bed. And. I...
aug. 16
'So last night I went to the bar. and looked damn good. and apparently this guy - Al - who hit on me quite a bit agreed. In his words I was/am "entirely too sexy". being much older than me he fel...
aug. 19, 2012
'So clearly this entry's er. pot-related. No Advice. Also this is slightly Graphic, so. So over the weekend [and yes I'll write about my birthday. and the arts fest which was last month] I go...
aug. 21, 2012
'So for those who don't know I got sick this weekend. We actually got really fukin stoned. off um. edibles. Which I'm not used to so I honestly think that's what caused me to get sick. [yes since...
aug. 21, 2012
'>.........doing'. entry. So as I've mentioned the drinking's a bit out of whack. The 6 wks off thing got. interrupted last week. But I'll try again this week. [oh btw on that note...........t...
aug. 22, 2012
'>Please Be Kind. & Supportive. No Advice. Um. So this coming Friday it'll be 2 yrs since I was last r*ped. Idinno it.........it feels weird. I'm honestly a bit stunned. Like this. isn't a...
aug. 22, 2012*
'>........time'. - McCartney. So not this past weekend but the one before, I told Jasmine.........and Max......and Katrina that I'd been r*ped. didn't tell them the entire story [and, to be pe...
aug. 22, 2012*
'As put. So that weekend that all that crap went down w/ the whole.all the..........drinking and telling and just general crap. I was saying to Katrina something about how people need to know tha...
