Entries 186
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april 27, 2012
'i'm not. you know. As mentioned, I'm having a really hard time accepting this. I'm in shock I guess. And quite obviously very upset. This isn't me I'm not. partially schizophrenic. No I'm a fair...
april 29, 2012
'>...........night was good untill it. wasn't. untill it turned awful. and PTSD. and advice/meds/natural stuff vs. not. and. not touching. and. latest development. ____________________________...
april 30, 2012
'constantly drugged. as put. It's like when I was 18 the summer I turned 19. bc back then the Night Terrors kept me up every night. And I'd go to sleep when the sun came up. And wake up.............
may 1, 2012
'>..........change. for anyone. they have to change for me. after a fight = freedom. oh god. So, James & I have had........... 2 fights within the past. few hrs. One thing I really don'...
may 1, 2012
'So, I've been thinking. And. About. ok so jumping subjects here. I've been too damn tired to think rationally logically. It's not even that I'm upset about some of his smaller advice/ideas. it's...
may 1, 2012*
'i've become comfortably numb - pink floyd A Very Honest Entry. I've been this way for a few yrs now. I've just never admitted it to anyone bc I've been too afraid to really admit it. and the fac...
may 1, 2012*
'>.......too close. So tonight's ep. was about abuse. Well, physical abuse. And it of course reminded me of me and what I'd gone through. the 1st time. W/ all the guilt and the..........want...
may 3, 2012
'myself really feel. I've exhausted every possible option. I'm always looking for an out a fight. W/ him. And I don't even know why. I'll say something and he'll ask what and I'll go 'nothing' or...
may 6, 2012
'http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D668086&entry=13837Ok um. I need to be completely honest here. This is what's really been going on. I love him. We just surpassed our 5 mont...
may 6, 2012
'I don't want to have that moment w/ him. You know the one. where couples on tv that have broken up go 'here's your stuff' back and they give each other the box. I don't want this to be any harde...
may 6, 2012
'exactly like jacob/what would i want someone to tell me. Ok, so. As put. I don't think I can deal w/ being in a relationship right now, w/ this other stuff coming up. By which I mean in well a b...
may 7, 2012
'We're still together. I phoned him and told him and we talked about it. Which to be honest I didn't really want to do. I was thinking, I'd phone him, leave a voicemail and that would be it. Mayb...
may 7, 2012
'Currently: 11:40 p.m. I woke up at 8:50 p.m. last night [Sun.] and then went back to sleep at 1 this afternoon and woke up at 8:40 p.m. I had a scary dream. [which i'll get to later along w/ ano...
may 9, 2012
'and PTSD. and. 'there must be more than this provincial life'. Oh here we go. So................while over at the parents' my mom talks to me about SSI. which leads to a discussion about sex. I ...
may 11, 2012
'omygod. Currently: 1 p.m. so. The other day [Wed.] when I was at my parents' discussing SSI/BC w/ my mom [or. rather. she was discussing it w/ me] she brought up. you know, that. what happened. ...
may 14, 2012*
'and shouldn't bother me this much but it does. Like I said. TW. oh god. So, also as put. Something happened over the weekend. it was scary. and big. Still scared/shaken. Copied from an email: ...
may 14, 2012*
'>......don't like that/making too much of this/not just him everything's connected/i can still feel it. Ok, so. As put. I feel like I can't fully trust him bc he scared me. Quite frankly I ha...
may 15, 2012
'>.........of compassion. well. his lack of compassion. Copied from an email: 'As put. I feel like we're drifting apart due to lack of compassion. well, rather, his lack of compassion. I love...
may 15, 2012
'On the whole...........schizo...........circus thing. Yes this again. i'm possibly making too much of it. [right and really?]. So........sososos. This ocurred to me a few hrs ago. as it's curren...
may 28, 2012
'So...............sososo. Um. The other day James unintentionally triggered.me. and no that's not related to PTSD. he said something about .......er. rather. He said something that reminded me ...
may 28, 2012
'>......if I didn't have a love life. I still wouldn't've. gone. as it's too soon. [yes i'm aware that's repetitive]. So earlier today - at noon. currently 6:10 p.m. - um. my parents, grandf...
may 29, 2012
'No Advice No Opinion. This is about Lindsey. I guess I still have feelings for her. and thought I was over her back in Jan. We were friends for 7 damn yrs. that doesn't exactly. you know, go a...
may 30, 2012
'I just want to be more content and I keep thinking of reasons not to be. she let me lie to her. about the food thing. I just feel like if she knew that and she knew how sory I was . but i don't ...
june 1, 2012
'So yesterday my sister & I were talking about my mom. er. our, mom rather. And apparently, according to Kate, Mom won't let herself be vulnerable. She's nice but she's not........er.well. sh...
june 8, 2012
'On........yesterday. In the dream I was at the bar wearing what I'd worn to the bar the previous [Wed.] night. The bar was seemingly empty. and dark. Someone led me to the smoking balcony. The g...
