Entries 1,158
Page 11 of 47
Adding on.
I picked up my daughter and got her dinner at McDonald’s and then got some stuff from Dollar Tree. I cleaned quite a bit today and took a shower. It’s been pretty dark and rainy today. It’s raini...
The fight.
So I had to call and make sure they had my phone number for the modification for Thursday morning. With him living where he does and the girlfriend confirming him working for cash, I could still ...
Money.
I think they’ve probably gotten the PIN by now to set up on account to make a payment if not by tomorrow. I don’t plan to say another word about it but I’m going to be super pissed if I don’t sta...
Trauma
So his girlfriend messaged me today while my daughter was with her big sister and asked what my daughter wants for her birthday. I about shit my pants. He has NEVER asked shit like that. She also...
My problems.
Friday night we went to my brother’s house and hung out. We had a few drinks and my brother started going on and on about how I needed to get a job and blah blah blah. How does he not know that’s...
No no no.
It sounds like his girlfriend has a really good idea of his lying, selfishness, drinking issues, the way he’s treated me, and just overall lack of human decency that I don’t plan to say any more ...
Child Support.
But yeah, so basically I have to stay in good with the girlfriend if I want to see payments because there’s really not much of a chance for them to enforce because of where he’s working and where...
She's back~~
My daughter’s back and at her Summer program. I haven’t seen her or talked to her but I’m going to make dinner soon and then go get her. I am so ready to see her little face and hug her. It’s bee...
Confused.
So a couple of things. His girlfriend told me that he got a certified letter about CS. I don’t know if it’s about the modification but it said something about him owing thousands. She said he fil...
Treated like shit.
I’ve been thinking a lot about how I’ve been treated my whole life and I’d like to talk about my parents and the way they’ve treated me before I move on to my relationships with other people. My ...
Added thoughts.
I want to talk more about that guy from the other day. I’m honestly still really pissed off and hurt by his comment that I was just out to use him for his money. I plan to talk to my friend about...
Plot Twist.
Okay so he’d been blowing up my phone from 2 different numbers since I think Friday night but I had both of them blocked but happened to see them in a different spot in my messages. I finally res...
No reaction.
I was pretty pissed last night that again I have no help here and there’s always a constant reminder. I didn’t sleep well because of my back pain. They said it would gradually get better which it...
I hate everyone.
So I really spent much of my day feeling pretty anxious and crying my eyes out. I’m just so depressing and angry about my life and how it’s turned out this way. I picked up my daughter and got he...
Angry and confused.
I have spent all week trying to reach my caseworker to ask about a new wage withholding, if the address I gave her was a good one and some questions about the modification. Still haven’t heard ba...
Control freaks.
I used to believe that I had serious issues with control until I’ve dealt with people that actually do and then I realize that I’m a lot more laidback that I ever realized. I was on Facebook dati...
More threats.
He sent texts earlier today asking why I blocked him and saying that he wanted to take her for a couple of days and spend Father’s day with her. I didn’t respond so he said, “legal action will be...
Whatever!
I got my kid to school this morning and then did breakfast. I got some stuff at the store. I needed cat food and cat litter. I picked up some food as well to get us through the weekend because I ...
Tuesday.
So yesterday I shampooed the carpet in the living room, did the laundry, and took a shower. I got my kid about 3:30 and took her to the dr. They said her ear probably didn’t completely heal from ...
Crabby.
So my daughter went to bed pretty early last night and I was able to fall asleep about an hour after her. My back pain is letting up and it’s improving. We go get breakfast this morning where my...
Yet again!
Apparently my brother is going to be dumping my niece off at her Grampa’s house for the night so my kid won’t get to see her. This happens pretty much every weekend. We just sit here by ourselves...
Weekends.
My daughter is bugging to see her cousin so hopefully I can make that happen. It’s getting pretty late in the evening. Ugh, weekends are just brutal. But I think her Dad works far away during the...
Nervy.
But yeah, so yesterday I was fully prepared to become very vocal if my Dad thought my Mom and kid were going to come with to my appointment. They got here and she came in and he stayed in the car...
Saturday.
Currently waiting for my daughter to wake up because I’m trying to take her to my brother’s house so I can get groceries. I like going by myself because it’s faster and cheaper. The one day I wan...
Ablation.
So I am so relieved to say I got my appointment over with!! It was no joke. I’m pretty achy right now but definitely happy that it’s over. While I was there before they started sticking me, the l...
Book Description
I’m really not into switching to another site but it looks like OD is going offline in the next few days. I downloaded my diary but it looks way different and doesn’t seem like all my entries are in it and that makes me very sad. I’ve gone through so much in the past 3 years and everything is documented on OD.
Anyway, I’m just exhausted from work and school. I love that I have so much going on and I am creating a better future for myself but getting enough sleep is always a task. I still have to take TYlenol PM every night or else I will be wide awake until I do. I am just so sick of it. I miss being able to go to sleep on my own. There’s just so much going on nowadays and I don’t want to spend all my free time at home sleeping.
I got most of my homework done and I feel pretty good about that. I’m glad that i’m in an easy math class this semester because that is my toughest subject. I love my computer class because it’s stuff that I already know how to do, I’ll just get better at it and learn a few things along the way.
So it looks like I’ll be going to court on the 21st for my small claim lawsuit against the place that fucked me over on my car. I talked to the mechanic today that worked on it and he said that he would go to court with me but I never believe they’ll actually do what they say until the time comes. I really hope he does because his statement is really important and I just don’t know who else is going to come with me.
I still don’t have much to do with my family. My Mom is probably the biggest bitch I’ve ever known and I just can’t stand trying to talk to her one the phone. I called her yesterday to let her know when the court date will be because I couldn’t hear her because they were in the car with the windows down because they were smoking and I tried to tell her I couldn’t hear her and she got all defensive so I hung up. I was just too fucking tired to deal with her attitude and how rude she is to me so I hung up and went about my day.
I decided that if they don’t give me any money when they get their taxes that I will be completely cutting them out of my life. I helped them with $1,300 in the month that I borrowed her car and gave it back with a full tank of gas so I do expect even $40 when they get their taxes. Her and my Dad both told me that they would give me some but I really doubt they actually will because they NEVER pay anyone back and that’s why no one helps them anymore but I almost lost my car and got my cable shut off from helping them and I just feel like if they don’t even attempt to pay me back then they didn’t appreciate me helping. I know that I need to cross them off regardless if they pay me back or not but if I don’t hear from them when they get their taxes, that will be the last fucking straw for me. My family has done nothing but use me and shit on me my entire life so I don’t expect much but it’s just sad how much they have fucked me over and the negative affect they’ve had on my life.
It’s been nice to be off today and yesterday, it’s been much needed. I just feel like I never get enough sleep and being sleep deprived all the time is really not good. I’m glad to have just been at home to hang out, sleep, take a hot bath and get most of my homework done. I hate feeling like I never get enough sleep and I feel like I walk around like a zombie most of the time. What made it worse was having to get up 3 days in a row and 2 of those days was dropping my car off to get some shit fixed. It’s nice to take my car to the mechanic and not have to deal with a bunch of drama to get it back. I don’t have to worry about anything and that alone makes me grateful to have a different car.
My ex is still on my mind quite a bit, more than what i want him to be. I just can’t understand why I can’t just forget about him and move on. I’m still stuck on why he treated me so badly and how he did everything he could to convince me that it was completely acceptable for us to never see each other and that if was fine for him to never include me in his life at all. I was just fighting a losing battle and wouldn’t let go of it. I know that it’s because I had no one else and loneliness was a huge factor but I will NEVER again let someone talk to me like he did. Just because he didn’t call me names like my ex John did, doesn’t mean he was any less abusive. He said some of the most awful things about not only me but people I loved and cared about. He got sick pleasure from knowing how much he brought me down. My friend at work said that I need to find happiness within myself and she’s right. I need to work on myself and figure out my feelings towards my past before I try to find another relationship because it wouldn’t be fair if I met someone now because they would suffer from how others have treated me and I’m not ready to be with someone. Yeah it would be nice to have someone to do shit with in my free time and I would love the company but I need to figure out myself first. My ex left behind a very confused, hurt, shattered person and I need to fix what he did to me, not by finding someone new but learning how to be comfortable within myself and focus on school and work and just doing me before trying to bring someone into my life.
