I was feeling pretty defeated yesterday into last night. I slept pretty decent and then got my daughter off to school. My caseworker said that I have to be there at 8:30 or else they might question it if I come in at 9 and then I’d be short like 2.5 hours a week so I had to kinda race this morning. It sucks being in a hurry especially in the morning but I was there on time.
She put me in a room by myself for my phone interview. The lady said that I have to be there at 1pm tomorrow to fill out papers and what not. I’m very excited and it’s absolutely fantastic because it’s the job I want. I’m absolutely thrilled that I won’t have to be sitting in that room anymore and I’m going to ask to leave early tomorrow so I can get dressed and what not. I hope that tomorrow will be the last day I’m there. I’ve been there 5 days total this week and last week and I’m already over it. I just can’t handle the boredom and I’m definitely ready to move on into working.
I’ve been talking to a couple of women over Facebook about babysitting. One of them I used to nanny for but she’s not doing any babysitting until October and the other one said for me to let her know when I get my schedule. I probably won’t need a sitter all the time as I’m only going to work within school hours but I definitely want to get a couple of people lined up because I know I will need someone here and there. My Mom said she’d help but she always says that and then doesn’t and I’m not going to risk losing a fucking job because of her being unreliable so I’d like to get a couple back up plans worked out.
I’m more excited than I am nervous and that’s always a good start. I just want to work and start being able to bank money. I know that I will be buying a different car at some point and would like to have a really awesome down payment.
Today has definitely been better than yesterday. I’m very appreciative for how much better I feel and I’m excited to start working because then I don’t have time to sit around and be upset over stupid shit. It’s a choice to let dumb shit affect you. My Mom asked if I’ve heard from ‘asshole’ and I always say no and change the subject. I refuse to talk about him anymore. I have spent years being upset over the things I can’t control and now it’s time to be happy about the things I can.
We’ve since got a couple of things at the store, made dinner, and did bath time. I cleaned the bathroom as well. I wonder if I’ll get any sleep tonight because I’ll be thinking about tomorrow. It’s the same type of job I had for several years and I know it’s something I can physically handle. I’ll only be working probably 20 hours a week until I can find weekend childcare and I think that’s plenty to get me going again and not be too much that I get burnt out.
My daughter is sleeping so I can write for a few minutes. I finally got to brush my teeth. I’m really thinking about TANF and really hoping I won’t have to be there after tomorrow. She’s already mentioned it might take a little bit to run my background check and shit so it’s like she’s already planning for me to be there for another couple days. That’s just really going to suck if that happens because I’m already sick of being there. It’s just unbelievably boring and it just isn’t a fun time. The time goes really slow as well. If I do have to be there, I’m going to come up with excuses so I can leave early.
I’m just really wanting to get in and trained and then worry about childcare after that. It’s like I either deal with the shit now or wait but I can’t wait because then it means more time sitting in that room. I’d rather just start working and figure it out as I go then keep putting it off. I miss working and it’s now or never. I’m also glad they are good with me working very part time because I need to line up childcare for weekends and also give my body the chance to get used to moving again.
This is better than the job interview I was supposed to have in the morning. This is a job that I know I can handle physically. I just didn’t want to take a job and then worry I can’t be on my feet like I did back in January.
I’m just going to be so glad to have a job again. I know that I won’t make a lot working super part time but it’s better than TANF. That shit isn’t enough to live on and I don’t know how these bitches do it. There’s one in there that’s had multiple kids and you can tell by looking at her that she has no fucking plans to ever work. She’s barely ever there and today was telling them about all these appointments she has lined up. You know she does it to get out of having to be there, which I don’t blame her one bit but it’s like if you got a job you wouldn’t have to be there at all. I also think it’s crazy how they just keep popping out kids to reset their 5 years to keep avoiding getting a job. It’s like if you have childcare to be in TANF, you probably have childcare to get a job.
There was one girl I was in there with back at the start of the year who had been there 5 years on and off. I can’t even handle a couple of months! There’s no fucking way I would ever be able to plan sitting there for months and years at a fucking time!! I kinda wonder if they finally told her to either get a job or they were going to put her in a work site. I was irritated because she had earned several college degrees and was at the bar EVERY WEEKEND! It’s like if you have childcare to go out and drink, you have childcare to be working!!
I’m going to be there on time in the morning but just going to ask when I can leave because I need to shower, get dressed, and pick up my medication. I have shit to do that’s more important than being there.
It’s just crazy how down I felt yesterday worrying myself sick that I wasn’t going to find a job for a long time and then today it happened. I didn’t think it would because of my availability because last time they straight up told me they didn’t have those shifts. I was definitely shocked when she listened to me and then said for me to come in tomorrow at 1.
It’s going to be nice to get some money next week. I don’t know how much because no one really knows. I’m hoping to get a letter any day that will have the amount on it. I just know the payment for August will be prorated. Some girl said to me that she always got full payments but I think it depends on when you start. She also has a lot of kids. I’ll just have to wait and find out but it still sounds like it will be a decent amount which would be really nice to replace a bunch of money that I’ve had to spend to keep us afloat.
With this job, I won’t have to be there until 10:30 everyday which is going to be super great because then I can get my kid to school and have time to get myself ready and drink coffee to get my day going. I’m sick of only have 30 minutes after I drop her off to be there. This whole thing bites but I’m almost done.