Entries 1,158
Page 9 of 47
Burnt out.
So I’ve been with my kid for 9 days with no break. I can definitely feel myself running out of patience. I’m honestly sick of trying to figure out how to entertain her everyday and constantly spe...
yeah.
We slept great last night and then picked up breakfast earlier. I busy watching my show and drinking coffee. I think since I never did get a response then it’s safe to assume that at least most ...
I sent a text.
So my daughter went with her big sister and I decided to send a text laying all the cards out on the table. I made sure to say that I wasn’t making accusations, just wanting to get the story stra...
Why.
I just want to understand why people have to be so hurtful and downright mean. He called last night and talked to her. Apparently they were at a restaurant which pisses me off because she said th...
Got it done.
I finally got laundry done. The washing machine lid was locked so I couldn’t get my clothes out for awhile. It’s really stressful and expensive doing laundry here and I dread it every single time...
Open House.
We go to the open house this afternoon. I’m definitely ready to get it over with. I don’t do well in crowds and I don’t plan to be there long. I already told my daughter we are going to meet her ...
Wednesday.
We’ve already gotten up and did breakfast. It’s already super hot and I plan for us to stay home and in the cool today. Big sister wasn’t able to make it yesterday so I called my brother and had ...
Maintain perspective.
After my daughter telling me that the kids go out to play by themselves all day long with no supervision, there’s dog poop all over their house and the latest of the girlfriend giving her gummies...
Stressed out.
So we got up and did breakfast this morning and got a few things at the store. I was watching a movie called, “The Sleep Experiment” earlier and plan to finish it soon. Today is the last cool day...
Daughter's back!
They were about 3 hours late bringing her back. Apparently they were waiting on whoever was going to ride with them. I arranged for her to be dropped off at my brother’s house so that I didn’t ha...
Daughter coming home.
So I’ve been pretty busy making money and hanging out with my brother. They’ll be bringing my kid home tomorrow afternoon. I am so beyond ready to have her back with me. I got her some more cloth...
Injection.
Last night I gave my brother the money I owed him and then came home for dinner. I watched some TV and just hung out. About 10pm my eyes were getting heavy and I went to bed. I slept until about ...
Things are okay.
I got to go have fun last night!! We went to our concert and the whole night was absolutely amazing!! I also got to go to the bar for the first time in 15 months on Saturday! I have also been wor...
Daughter crying.
My daughter called to video chat where she went in the bathroom to brush her teeth and started crying telling me she wants to come home. She said dinner was gross and she missed our cat. I don’t ...
Daughter went.
They actually got here about 30 minutes earlier than I expected. My daughter didn’t even tell me bye because she was so excited to go. They walked outside and she dropped her markers so I was at ...
Leaving.
So my daughter is going with them and they’ll be here afternoon to get her. I told the girlfriend that as unfair as this situation is, I don’t want to add to it. I also think about the fact that ...
Morning.
We got breakfast and went to the gas station. It’s already pretty hot. I showered last night and slept decent. I rescheduled my dr appointment for tomorrow because I just don’t feel like loading ...
Just another day.
I’ve spent the last few days realizing that I’m still too angry over things and I have to find a way to let go. I’ve let anger and pain rule my life for way too long and I don’t want to look back...
Bored.
My daughter went to the park with her big yesterday and then got a drink at the mall. She came home and took a nap. I got to watch my show for a little bit and just pick up the house. This mornin...
Friday.
It doesn’t even feel like Friday. My daughter has been home for a week so all the days run together. We got breakfast this morning and stopped at the gas station. I have been cleaning and just ge...
Surgery.
My daughter had her dental surgery this morning. My Mom came with. It was about 2 hours but it went super fast. I got us some food and then we just talked until she came back to get woke up. She’...
Counseling.
I had my counseling yesterday morning over Zoom. It went okay. It’s just hard explaining my problems to a new person. She definitely seemed concerned about him getting enrolled because that would...
Summer.
Anyways, so he called Saturday when we were at my brother’s house and I heard him say something about how he just got off work. I don’t see him lying about it in front of the girlfriend but I don...
Last day, appointment.
I had my follow up appointment today with my back doctor and he prescribed a nerve medication and I have to do another injection on the 9th. He said that my discs move and are crunching whenever ...
Hurt.
So my daughter knows that her last day is Friday. I went to drop her off where she asks if she’s going to the other program where I told her no because they are full. Now I’m worried that she’s t...
Book Description
I’m really not into switching to another site but it looks like OD is going offline in the next few days. I downloaded my diary but it looks way different and doesn’t seem like all my entries are in it and that makes me very sad. I’ve gone through so much in the past 3 years and everything is documented on OD.
Anyway, I’m just exhausted from work and school. I love that I have so much going on and I am creating a better future for myself but getting enough sleep is always a task. I still have to take TYlenol PM every night or else I will be wide awake until I do. I am just so sick of it. I miss being able to go to sleep on my own. There’s just so much going on nowadays and I don’t want to spend all my free time at home sleeping.
I got most of my homework done and I feel pretty good about that. I’m glad that i’m in an easy math class this semester because that is my toughest subject. I love my computer class because it’s stuff that I already know how to do, I’ll just get better at it and learn a few things along the way.
So it looks like I’ll be going to court on the 21st for my small claim lawsuit against the place that fucked me over on my car. I talked to the mechanic today that worked on it and he said that he would go to court with me but I never believe they’ll actually do what they say until the time comes. I really hope he does because his statement is really important and I just don’t know who else is going to come with me.
I still don’t have much to do with my family. My Mom is probably the biggest bitch I’ve ever known and I just can’t stand trying to talk to her one the phone. I called her yesterday to let her know when the court date will be because I couldn’t hear her because they were in the car with the windows down because they were smoking and I tried to tell her I couldn’t hear her and she got all defensive so I hung up. I was just too fucking tired to deal with her attitude and how rude she is to me so I hung up and went about my day.
I decided that if they don’t give me any money when they get their taxes that I will be completely cutting them out of my life. I helped them with $1,300 in the month that I borrowed her car and gave it back with a full tank of gas so I do expect even $40 when they get their taxes. Her and my Dad both told me that they would give me some but I really doubt they actually will because they NEVER pay anyone back and that’s why no one helps them anymore but I almost lost my car and got my cable shut off from helping them and I just feel like if they don’t even attempt to pay me back then they didn’t appreciate me helping. I know that I need to cross them off regardless if they pay me back or not but if I don’t hear from them when they get their taxes, that will be the last fucking straw for me. My family has done nothing but use me and shit on me my entire life so I don’t expect much but it’s just sad how much they have fucked me over and the negative affect they’ve had on my life.
It’s been nice to be off today and yesterday, it’s been much needed. I just feel like I never get enough sleep and being sleep deprived all the time is really not good. I’m glad to have just been at home to hang out, sleep, take a hot bath and get most of my homework done. I hate feeling like I never get enough sleep and I feel like I walk around like a zombie most of the time. What made it worse was having to get up 3 days in a row and 2 of those days was dropping my car off to get some shit fixed. It’s nice to take my car to the mechanic and not have to deal with a bunch of drama to get it back. I don’t have to worry about anything and that alone makes me grateful to have a different car.
My ex is still on my mind quite a bit, more than what i want him to be. I just can’t understand why I can’t just forget about him and move on. I’m still stuck on why he treated me so badly and how he did everything he could to convince me that it was completely acceptable for us to never see each other and that if was fine for him to never include me in his life at all. I was just fighting a losing battle and wouldn’t let go of it. I know that it’s because I had no one else and loneliness was a huge factor but I will NEVER again let someone talk to me like he did. Just because he didn’t call me names like my ex John did, doesn’t mean he was any less abusive. He said some of the most awful things about not only me but people I loved and cared about. He got sick pleasure from knowing how much he brought me down. My friend at work said that I need to find happiness within myself and she’s right. I need to work on myself and figure out my feelings towards my past before I try to find another relationship because it wouldn’t be fair if I met someone now because they would suffer from how others have treated me and I’m not ready to be with someone. Yeah it would be nice to have someone to do shit with in my free time and I would love the company but I need to figure out myself first. My ex left behind a very confused, hurt, shattered person and I need to fix what he did to me, not by finding someone new but learning how to be comfortable within myself and focus on school and work and just doing me before trying to bring someone into my life.
