LachrymoseBeauty
My journals sort through some things, my feelings and my faith mostly. I'm dealing with some major psychological problems but writing it out helps alot. All of these journals are intended to remain anonymous. If you somehow discover my identity please be respectful and keep this space and my thoughts private.
Entries 251
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The Veil in My Fucking Feelings
Drop the Veil Thoughts are Locked. Trust is Gone Communication Lost. What was once my solace, Is now my prison. It just keeps happening Nobody listens. If you wanted to know What i felt or though...
Get Up and Walk in Maniacs, Prophecy, and Old Friends
Today at chuch I prayed for one of my residents to be healed of paralysis. Two other women prayed with me. Not knowing what his affliction was one of the women cited the story of Jesus healing a ...
Personality Disorders in One Sentence in Gathering of Poetry and Fiction
Paranoid Personality Disorders You are all doing this to set me up for disaster. Schizoid Personality Disorder I hate everyone equally, except you, I hate you the most. Schizotypal Personality Di...
This is An Awesome Song in My Fucking Feelings
https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=6_BPZ3oVRl4&feature=share
Hebrew Song in Maniacs, Prophecy, and Old Friends
I’ve been trying to translate tongues from Hebrew to English. It usually starts the same, so I figure it must be some sort of declaration. So far I haven’t had a lot of luck translating phonetica...
Stress in My Fucking Feelings
Today my anxiety was very high. I was fighting off social avoidance, but the desire to withdrawl from social interaction was almost unbearable. I find myself worrying about things that haven’t ha...
Did Stealing My Words Make You Cool Yet? in My Fucking Feelings
It’s funny. You took words out of my mouth And turned them into lyrics. Without bothering to understand what they meant. Just assumed the worst. And took credit for my thoughts Without blinking a...
When God Speaks in Maniacs, Prophecy, and Old Friends
I must thank God for the amazing new job he sent me. I’ll be working in a care center for people with traumatic brain injuries. I’m working towards a job in psychology so it’s perfect for my fiel...
Prophets Come in Pairs? in Maniacs, Prophecy, and Old Friends
I read somewhere that some Christians believe that prophets come in pairs: one that hears the voice of God, and one that interprets his words for the people. Think Moses and Aaron. I’m not sure w...
One Night in Gathering of Poetry and Fiction
I see that smile, you are hiding from me, don’t let them see, or think you enjoy my company. now I remember, what torture was worth, moments like this, a shadow of birth. the sparkle in your eye,...
Is J Dead? in Gathering of Poetry and Fiction
People see me write on here about my old friend J, and they have a million questions. Who was he? A lover? A friend? A Nemesis? Why is he no longer around? Is he dead? J is Schrodinger’s cat. The...
Joy in Gathering of Poetry and Fiction
Joy, like a bubbling hot spring, it fills my body, warming my extremities. The Spirit flows through, my heart takes flight, I could fly into the clouds, bathed in light. I can not understand it, ...
It's been a day. in My Fucking Feelings
I went to a show today. It’s been a while. At first it was cold. It is hard to feel people thinking bad things about you and smiling to your face, and then jut politely sit back and act like you ...
The World to Me in Gathering of Poetry and Fiction
I wish I could be in a place where I could see your mind Outside of your mind. And hear your voice Outside of my head. And see your face Right in front of my face Everyday. And I wish I could see...
Impossible Dreams in My Fucking Feelings
Haven’t written in a while. Not sure about the security of this online format anymore. I mean, I do make it public, but I also want to be anonymous. I don’t give my journal out to anyone. It’s po...
Invisible in My Fucking Feelings
Why is it that I feel the lack of you today so strongly? Perhaps it is the show that I will be missing tomorrow. I should have found something else to do to take my mind off of it. I know it is g...
Feelings Lie in My Fucking Feelings
My feelings are lieing to me again. They are telling me nobody will ever understand me. That I’ll be alone forever. That it will never get better. Because I’m a freak. There are alot of us though...
Just a Day in the Life in My Fucking Feelings
I’m so confused about my brain right now. It’s lie I don’t even know what I want sometimes. I go full force in one direction and then entirely ruin my progress moving the opposite way. Maybe I’m ...
ADHD Vomit in My Fucking Feelings
All day my brain has been buzzing with random thoughts. Not sure what to do with them all, where to write them or which ones are worth saving and which ones I should just let drift away. When you...
God and the Crazies in Maniacs, Prophecy, and Old Friends
Today I want to talk about something I think alot about. As a prospective religion/psychology major I am always pondering the idea of mental illness. Most people see mental illness as an obstacl...
Cute Boys and Social Dysfunction in My Fucking Feelings
Well last night I looked at the fortune cookie fortunes stuck to my fridge and one of them said that three months from today would be my lucky day. I look at the date written on the back amd real...
Happy Things in My Fucking Feelings
Despite my torrent of deppression in the moment I’ve been fighting and holding on tight. Seems like I only write when I’m sad or panicking or some other negative emotion. I got into a fight with ...
Always Something There to Remind Me in My Fucking Feelings
What did he do to me? He tried to help, but did he help? Or did he make it worse? All the things he used to remind me of you, now they do. But what about the rest? Was it for my benefit or for hi...
Something's Gotta Give in My Fucking Feelings
My deppression is getting worse. I’m starting to feel sad and apathetic. Nothing can take my mind off things. I’ve made feeble attempts to reach out to friends, but as always, the ones I want to ...
Wandering Thoughts in My Fucking Feelings
Another sleepless night. Maybe God’s trying to talk to me. That’s what my mom said. She said if you can’t sleep it means God is trying to talk to you. Maybe I’m just no good at listening. My mind...