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Phoenix Rises Again

by LachrymoseBeauty

Entries 60

Page 1 of 3

February 07, 2024

Saving Up Happiness

The day I saw the announcement for your band’s last show I cried so hard and long that I woke up the next morning with my eyes swollen shut. It isn’t the music I mourned for the loss of. The musi...


February 04, 2024

Leaving the light on

And the door open. Just in case you want to step through it again. Always hoping to hear from you. Hoping you will come back even though I know you probably won’t. Can you blame me for hoping? Wh...


November 25, 2023

Happy Birthday

Not really. It was pretty dissapointing. That’s what I get for having expectations or hope. Not the worst birthday I’ve had but Not a good one either. The morning started without meds. Gotta pick...


November 15, 2023

Reality is Cruel

I sometimes feel myself slipping back into delusion. Just daydreaming, drifting into a more exciting world. There I feel powerful and special. I feel like I have a destiny. But it’s all just make...


November 13, 2023

It's all grey

Been super depressed the last couple of days. Don’t know that there’s anyone I feel comfortable talking to about it anymore. Friends that you think will be there for you forever, no matter what, ...


November 11, 2023

It Hurts Again

I wonder how she would react if she found out you asked for my hand in marriage while you were dating her? Just a tease. Get a girl’s hopes up. Then I had to watch you propose to her. With the ri...


Broke up with my girlfriend. It was anticlimactic. Getting close to being caught up in one class while shipping behind in the other. My advisor doesn’t seem to know how to do her job. My therapis...


October 20, 2023

My Story Currently

I feel I have gotten to the point where nobody cares about the story of my past. It’s not the book they are reading, just backstory of the characters. They are looking at me and hoping the book t...


October 09, 2023

Buckle Up its Gonna Suck

It’s hard to sleep when you know your baby’s body might be on display in a tube of formaldehyde like some kind of sick art exhibit. How exactly do I explain that kind of pain to anyone? I’m just ...


June 02, 2023

Does it Work?

A woman said the strangest thing to me the other day. We were talking about prayer. She asked if I prayed and I told her I did and she says, “does it work?” It took me a while to process the que...


May 01, 2023

Fuck this

Got super anxiety today during a video chat with Chey. I dont think it was about the call or about her. I think it was always there and I’ve just been burying it and distracting myself with phone...


May 01, 2023

Fuck this feeling

Got super anxiety today during a video chat with Chey. I dont think it was about the call or about her. I think it was always there and I’ve just been burying it and distracting myself with phone...


May 01, 2023

Fuck this feeling

Got super anxiety today during a video chat with Chey. I dont think it was about the call or about her. I think it was always there and I’ve just been burying it and distracting myself with phone...


Got super anxiety today during a video chat with Chey. I dont think it was about the call or about her. I think it was always there and I’ve just been burying it and distracting myself with phone...


May 15, 2022

Waste of a night

It just hasn’t been the same without you Jay. The rock scene feels empty. I dont know why I bother going out anymore. Maybe I wont. Miss you terrible.


March 25, 2022

Ashes to ashes

It would seem that the days I have trouble getting you off my mind are the difficult days. The days when I feel like I’m shaking apart and might be better off dead than feeling like this. My mind...


March 17, 2022

Stress

All the stress and anxiety from being constantly around my triggers is wearing me down. I’m shutting down. Avoiding people. Feel overwhelmed all the time. Dont have a safe place to chill and cope...


Does anyone know where I can go to get a free or low cost college education as a foreigner. I desperately want to go to med school. It’s too expensive here. Let me know how it works where you are...


March 03, 2022

Too Tired For This

I am afraid. I’m afraid I will die before I get to see the world and chase my dreams and raise my child. And I’m afraid I’ll never see you again. I’m afraid I’ll never get to have one of those s...


February 17, 2022

Dreams

Perhaps they are where hope goes to die. I dreamed of you again last night Jay. Twice. The first dream I remembered having had before. I don’t remember much now. In the 2nd dream it was Christmas...


February 07, 2022

-.-

I’m in such an I’ll contented mood right now and I don’t even know why. I’ll be driving again in about a week. I should be happy. This is the missing piece of the puzzle. Now I can work again and...


January 30, 2022

Trying to Turn it Around

My life is in a bad place all around. I know I’m supposed to be positive but first Ima just dump some things here they’ve been bothering me. 1. A guy put his dick in me without permission and now...


January 28, 2022

Almost Drowned

I’m sitting in the calm before the storm, Wondering if it’ll be worth it this time. Or if maybe this time, The storm I conjured with raw honesty Will finally drown me for good. I asked for what I...


January 19, 2022

Restless

I actually really enjoyed quarantine when I was in my own house. But here I’m trapped. I’m bored. I have nobody to talk to and just bullshit. It’s too cold to go outside. I cant sleep. This bed h...


January 14, 2022

None of my Business

So I’ve been struggling with these thoughts not knowing if it’s a good idea to write them here. Having no idea who might be reading this, but I figure I’ll just say fuck it and go ahead. So if yo...


Book Description

This book has been created to celebrate another new chapter in my life whereby I moved away and tried to give myself distance from the recurrence of trauma as much as possible.