Public

My Fucking Feelings

by LachrymoseBeauty

Entries 76

Page 1 of 4

September 07, 2018

Sometimes Life Moves Too Fast

And I feel like I cant keep up. My son is amazing. Hes learning things that kids twice his age have just discovered. He is so mature. I am so proud of him. My new boyfriend, hes amazing too. He a...


August 12, 2018

The Phantom

How do I get you out of my head? I watched Phatom of the Opera today. It’s my absolute favorite. I almost cried. She chose wrong. If that childhood friend of hers loved her so much where was he w...


August 08, 2018

Stuck on You

Here I am, aching for you again. Every night is the same. I should just disappear a while. Let you be. Until one day you have the courage to again approach me. It is so very hard to do. For the o...


August 02, 2018

They say it's PTSD. Silly.

Sometimes I just want to turn the world off for a while. I sit here thinking of you. I’ve meticulously absorbed myself in video games to keep those thoughts away but they always return. There are...


July 27, 2018

Tired

Tired of being strong. Tired of being the happy silly drunk girl. Tired of making people laugh at my expense. Tired of fighting for the attention of the unworthy. Tired of pushing g away those th...


July 08, 2018

Wasted Tears

Memories burn in my soul. An eternal fire that never dulls. A burrow in my heart Like a huge scar That I cover with a sticker See? I’m great! Never better. But the scar never fades The coals neve...


I convinced myself to log on and write. Ivr been meaning too for a while I just never get to the writing part. Been having a rough time. My therapist thinks I might have ptsd. I was going to writ...


May 11, 2018

Tension

Why do I keep holding onto hope that someday, somehow we will be together? Why does it feel like we were meant to be? That’s clearly bogus. If I could just convince myself the whole thing is craz...


May 09, 2018

Grey

Everyday is grey. It’s difficult to motivate myself to do anything. I have a million projects to work on and I finally have some time. Instead I’ve been playing games on my computer. I should tak...


May 03, 2018

Plea

I’ve all but given up on diet and exercise. I forgot my medicine today and spent the day praying I wouldn’t sunk from the anxiety and depression. Work has become very stressful with the lack of a...


May 02, 2018

I Used to Love My Job

But it seems like today I did everything wrong. Or maybe someone just decided it was all my fault. Maybe the truth is somewhere in between the two. They took away the only day I work with my frie...


April 27, 2018

Fridays Suck?

I love my job but on fridays the tension builds in my muscles until I feel I could explode. Currently hiding in my car for lunch, hoping the rest of the day sails by fast. How strange is it that ...


April 16, 2018

1st Date

I made a mistake. I let myself hope. I forced myself to dream. I saw a life with a guy like you. In the woods, laughing having fun. The dog, the kids, the adventure. I let myself get comfortable ...


April 13, 2018

Fantasy

I need a vacation. I’m not much of a Cinderella but lately I find myself fantasizing about a mysterious man swooping me off my feet and taking me to the country or the beach or some new exotic lo...


April 11, 2018

The Lies My Brain Tells

My rain is lieing to me again. It does that. This time it is trying to convince me that everyone in the world is uncomfortable with me. People are all avoiding me it says. It surely must have bee...


April 11, 2018

For Those Who Are Bored

A list of quests: Teach me how to make math fun. Give me an article to read with some good advice for my life. Drop me a video of some local rock. Show me a picture from your world. Write me a ve...


April 11, 2018

Dear Readers

Do you understand how important you are to me? Do you get it? Do you know that I tell you things I couldn’t tell my family? Do you understand that your words mean the world to me? Do you know tha...


April 09, 2018

It's been a night.

I felt horrible so I went to have a beer and hear you sing. I feel better now. I was glad you were nice to me even though I’m sure you didn’t really want me there. Impressions: You want me to kee...


April 09, 2018

Clouds

I didn’t go to the prayer meeting today. I got too anxious about it being a new thing. What if they expected me to pray out loud? What if they were trying to pray for only the one thing? I just c...


April 08, 2018

The Process

So what’s a guy got to do to date the Phoenix anyway? Well… We aren’t currently accepting applications but you are welcome to leave a resume on file. The position of potential future husband invo...


April 08, 2018

More Math Rants

All math teachers must be sadistic. And all math lovers are perhaps masochist. (No offense Anon.) But some are worse than others. For instance, when the problem states “give an exact answer, incl...


April 08, 2018

Bad Day I Guess

It’s one of those days where I’m wondering if I have any real friends left, any close ones. My besties seem to have alienated me. Almost every old reliable friend I’ve ever had seems distant. Not...


April 04, 2018

Math Trauma

We can joke and laugh but it’s not a joke for me. Geometry. That’s where it all happened. That’s where I lost J. Guess what I’ll be learning in math this week? I thought last week would be the ha...


Suddenly I realize why I have been so distant with friends. Those close friends that have been around forever. We will be catching up and getting comfortable with each other when suddenly there’s...


March 31, 2018

Today is the Day

And it’s going to happen again and again. Has to happen… Kidding. I’m slightly terrified to show up tonight. Not because of a potential fight. But because J might destroy my heart. But I’ve wait...


Book Description

This one is a more personal diary full of random happenings in my life and my feelings and all that shit.