Entries 52

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The voice-to-text thing hasn’t really taken off, has it? I cannot get my shit together. Plus, I am sooper paranoid using a device in this way. They are literally listening to and logging my wor...

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okay so I’m using voice to text because I can’t f** type it’s just a fact. I have never been able to type because I have two left hands. I don’t know. so… watch this space for the ultimate in hil...

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it’s back. everything has piled up, all at once. again. it took me 5 years to get out last time. and when i finally (partially) emerged, i was fundamentally changed at the molecular level. i’ve ...

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so many spirals up and down my streets the staircases leave me transfixed dizzy from the spin, spin, spin the trees are budding right outside my window sturdy des érables storms can’t topple th...

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me: tell me a story about how you adore me. peter: You know when we walk to Mont Royal and you go to the dollar store and I get us a coffee? When I come back into the store to meet you I see you ...

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Thoughts. Reminders. Truths. Knowledge already acquired. Remembering, Forgetting. . . . . . . . . Saying “Good enough.” and believing it. Making the best of things. Focusing on what I actually h...

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(This is from New Year’s Eve but I’m posting it here, in The Book of 2019.) Via FB: Drew: happy new year 🙂 Me: happy new year to you and jordy! was it a good year? i think some good stuff happene...

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A little bit of backstory for those of you who haven’t got a fucking clue what this is about: In 2007, after a years-long OD friendship with fellow diarist, Search Results, Peter and I got the op...

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In the spirit of not having to pull up stakes (again) thanks to simple mind and Dreamy-Josh-To-The-Rescue - AND because Bruce continues to be a fumbling and unrepentant douchecanoe, I’ve re-opene...

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Fuckin’ Open Diary amirite ladiez? It’s been 10 days since I requested to reclaim my old diary. Can any of you broads vouch for me? Like, do any of you sooper-elite beta testers have a direct li...

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The time will come when, with elation, you will greet yourself arriving at your own door, in your own mirror, and each will smile at the other’s welcome, and say, sit here. Eat. You will love aga...

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i remember us fucking so hard and long and slow and breathless that afterward - i was ravenous. while you drifted off to sleep i would tiptoe down the hall to the kitchen and make myself a peanut...

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I just turned 47. wtf.

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from: the kid i had when i was 18. the kid who went to jail and rehab. the kid who almost died. (received today, via FB group chat) Sean Love all of you and miss you all, have been busy as fu...

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So. Writing here has totally fizzled. I think my writing actually slowed to a crawl, even before OD went tits-up. Life changed and things were different and alla that-there shit, y’know? I’ve bee...

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From today’s chat with David. Susan: heyyyyyy! deeeebeeee!! LISTEN TO WHAT I SAID TO MY DOCTOR!!!!… yesterday, when i told her i wanted to diediediedieidieiediiiiiiiiiieeeeee every day.... and h...

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sent to Tab, regarding how the constant Trump-assault is fucking with our heads: ”LOVELOVELOVE confessions on a dancefloor. I USED TO RUN TO THAT SHIT!!! womp!womp! but lately for me its been ALL...

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wed jan 18 2017 email with sean, discussing my on-going experimentation with psychedelics (psilocybin and lsd) as a treatment for psychiatric issues excerpt: “… i’m 3 days in - taking anticonvuls...

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i don’t write the way i used to. i want to try something different. this will be less pressure to write a whole, cohesive entry. so. bits’n’pieces. bullets. incongruous shit. stream of conscio...

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so. 60 seconds: grief-loss. it comes in towering-quaking waves that suck you under. sand and grit and regret and sadsadsad rolls over you and you’re upside down where the view is shards-of-g...

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Hey… finally got a shiny new library card. It’s been almost-five years since I went to the library or bookstore because: crazy. Anyfuck. So, when I stepped into the foyer of the library, it was ...

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If anyone wants to take a moment and write something for me. Leave a comment to share some support and encouragement .(but please, go easy on the Secret-type shit. take note: relentlessly positi...

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I can’t seem to shape my thoughts into coherent sentences so… I thought I’d write an entry. As usual, things are fucking awful. I often feel like I’m not in touch with reality anymore and not jus...

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What was your life supposed to look like? I ask myself. I’m standing on the balcony, smoking, the ever-present winterwind in my face. I waste dwindling time on scenarios that are always better ...

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Relief. That’s what I feel. My mom died on January 13th. It’s finally over. Snipped from a chat with Tab (one half of my no-longer-together gayboyz): ”i’m okay-ish, i guess. had some time to thi...

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