shnooze ⋅ 53
Etymology enthusiast. Lover of linguistics. Alliteration aficionado. Talk wordy to me.
Entries 52
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On falling through every single crack - edit in Exploring the Ad Infinitum-Continuum Galaxy
There was no Christmas. Or Jake’s 23rd birthday. I stayed in bed, teeth-gritted and shallow breathing, trying to stay alive. Did two days and two nights in the psych ward. Treat and street. (Mos...
Loose Woman in Exploring the Ad Infinitum-Continuum Galaxy
Loose Woman by Sandra Cisneros They say I’m a beast. And feast on it. When all along I thought that’s what a woman was. They say I’m a bitch. Or witch. I’ve claimed the same and never winced. Th...
Via Dolorosa in Exploring the Ad Infinitum-Continuum Galaxy
The disaster continues unabated… I’ve started this entry about four times. Delete. Delete. Delete. Delete. I don’t have the energy to type it all out. Everything that could possibly go wrong, ha...
Thursday October 02 2014 in Exploring the Ad Infinitum-Continuum Galaxy
via FB chat, just now, from my older-sister-Carolyn-who-lives-in-Tennessee. Janet is my next-oldest-sister-who-has-been-caretaking-my-mom - single-handedly while going through a divorce after 30+...
untitled in Exploring the Ad Infinitum-Continuum Galaxy
It’s cold-grey and Montréal-gusty. The magnificent trees pulse. The brilliant death throe begins. The crickets’ chorus stretches thin when early-darkness cools to single digits. Feeling trapp...
Create new entry (**art pic edit**) in Exploring the Ad Infinitum-Continuum Galaxy
Some of you 12-Steppers - newbz, alums and drop-outs, alike - might relate… I am powerless. I’m surrendering. I have nothing left. I’ve tried (or burned down) every house on the street. Rock bott...
Avoid surprises at the annual review! in Adaptation
Tonight's idea: maybe the rTMS has put me in a manic phase? And when I say "manic", I mean: extremes and loops of obsessive thinking and anxiety and PTSD symptoms and SUICIDE!SUICIDE!SUICIDE! i...
WINCHELL'S DONUT HOUSE in Adaptation
Here, have some of my joy... We've been here for 25 days and I'm STILL unpacking shit because: a) I STILL have way too much stuff (even though I've RUTHLESSLY CULLED this shit four-fucking-tim...
Apt. 7 in Adaptation
OHAI! I'm still alive! Here I am! On Being in Hicksville: Not gonna lie... it was mostly awful. Painful, even. Especially when Peter and I went out for coffee. Driving around, it al...
Looneytoonz! in Adaptation
Drew graduates from high school tonight. Naturally, it’s all. about. me. and my fucking mood dictating every. fucking. thing. Peter said: ”Suzy! We did it! All three of our kids got through hi...
ZyXEL in Adaptation
Uncategorized: Mere moments before I step (hobble) on to the train from Montreal to Toronto, I get an email from my (insane) sister detailing my mother's latest heart attack (that's heart-attack...
grinding the corn in Adaptation
Okay! SO! Finished up nine-full-weeks of the brain-zapping. (NINE!) If it wasn't so bloody inconvenient and goddamned time-consuming and if the psychiatrist was a little less totally staggeri...
Juin in Adaptation
None of this matters. Seriously. DID YOU KNOW?!?!?! 99.9% of all species that have EVER EXISTED are now completely extinct. So, let’s get stoned! Except I haven’t gotten stoned in months. Sob...
New Look! Same Great Product! in Adaptation
In no particular order: 87) Week Six-of-Six of the repetitive Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation begins tomorrow. And, how am I feeling? Hmmm... overall, I'd say about 50% better - and by "be...
Rich-cocks are rich in Adaptation
One Compound: For Sale. The Swells are pulling up stakes. Peter and I built that fence, btw. Also: quite.a.bit.of.extremely.dirty. fucking. went on in that loft. Memories… :D http://lifestylesn...
Love Me Like I'm Not Made of Stone in Adaptation
(This-here part was written on Sunday.) Okay.So.I feel an itty-bitty-teeny-weeny bit of improvement in my mood.Kinda-sorta. I dunno. Maybe. We'll see. Is the repetitive Transcranial Magnetic Stim...
So. I'm one week in to the brain-zapping. Five more to go. Is it working? It's hard to say because I am in near-constant agony and it makes me a little... cranky. And unreasonable. And a tad s...
Still very-very-very up and down, black and white, yes and no, in and out, left and right, fuck and off. Except now it's even bigger'n'better due to chronic-fucking-AGONY. Begin backstory-deetz...
Quick Note in Mental Masturbation in Montréal: Confessions from the Boulevard
I'm trying to see myself a little more fairly - trying to check the accuracy of my thoughts. Weigh both options. Build up or tear down? There are TWO to choose from! Try to choose wisely. Use ...
Polar in Mental Masturbation in Montréal: Confessions from the Boulevard
March 26 2014 20:37 Woke up this morning and everything is black. I feel helpless and powerless and like my life has no meaning or purpose. The whole big-random-universe-mystery of it all is...
Samedi in Mental Masturbation in Montréal: Confessions from the Boulevard
So. Peter's dad won the Parental Death Pool. (I was kinda hoping it would be my "mom" but... whaddayagonnado?) He died on Wednesday or Thursday (not sure) and Peter is doing okay. Like, for real...
Sunny'n'cold again today. Again, again, again... it's been the longest-ass winter of my mid-life-meltdown-malcontent... in Montreal. Meh. Things: Jake isn't doing so hot. He finally s...
Call It Whatever You Want in Mental Masturbation in Montréal: Confessions from the Boulevard
So. I was in Hicksville for a week. I donned my Mommy costume so that I could assist Drewzilla through the yanking of four wisdom teeth. (Note that I didn't don my Wife costume... because: more ...
January 09 2014 in Mental Masturbation in Montréal: Confessions from the Boulevard
Balance: I don’t haz it. Idea: For every negative thought, counter that shit with a positive thought. In Al-anonese, that roughly translates to: “Start with an asset!” But that NEVER happens...
January 07 2014 in Mental Masturbation in Montréal: Confessions from the Boulevard
So much to write about, so little motivation. When I'm wracked with ambivalence - which is almost-every-minute of every-single-day, you get... this. Because: it resonates. AGAINST HESITATION ...
