JAN 18 & 24 2017 in livestream

wed jan 18 2017

email with sean, discussing my on-going experimentation with psychedelics (psilocybin and lsd) as a treatment for psychiatric issues excerpt:

“… i’m 3 days in - taking anticonvulsant off-label Lamotrigine for mood as prescribed by psych. in the meantime, i’m really struggling/feeling desperate. winter shut-in status/endless grey skies is making it worse. i am in rough shape, here. my sleep is all fucked up, too. ugh. wondering - given my experience - if microdosing is even a thing for me…“

tue jan 24 2017

an FB status I never posed because it turned into something else:

My FB feed is making me feel ill. I can literally feel waves of real fear and anger and despair - actual suffering and anguish from women, poc, sick/disabled, LGBTQ+, indigenous, mentally ill, people-in-poverty (even if they work three “jobs”), immigrants and any other group of marginalized people or, y’know anyone who’s not a straight, white, cis-het dude… the wealthy, well-connected, powerful, sociopathic ones are particularly troublesome, but i digress.
It’s visceral for me. My chest is hurting as I scroll through the mess. I feel like a satellite - picking up pain. It’s fucking awful. I realize that not everyone experiences this or even understands it. It’s crushing. (And people call me “negative” and “harsh”, etc. - but, whatever - it’s my reality.)
So, I need to step back, personally. I’m trying to do things that support my well-being and improve the quality of my life. I need to reduce exposure to things that make me feel as I just described. Like, put on your own airmask FIRST, then help others. I feel fatigued easily - I only have so much energy and I can’t spend it all on outrage and feeling that chest pain and sadsadsad. I consider myself an activist and advocate. I have years of experience of lifting voices and trying to learn and support and not just be a seemingly clueless thirdwave white feminist.
like this: i couldn’t make it to the Sister March in my city. due to being a marginalized person with physical limitations. plus: poverty. plus: mental. but, the march ended very close to my apartment. i live on the 11th floor. so i took pictures of the crowd, from above. and they were fucking awesome! the crowd has been estimated between 6000-8000 people!
so.
instead of marching, i posted my photos on my city’s Sister March FB-page and they got 1.7k likes AND they were shared 189 times.
fuckyeah.
I challenge others to examine their ideas - I also tell people to fuck off when appropriate. This is tiring. I knew in GRADE SIX, for example, that a woman should have a right to an abortion. In my class of 29 peers - every. single. one. of them was on the other side of the room. It was me against 29. Fuck ‘em, I wouldn’t give in. (I’d be the best juror, yo.)

^ and then peter came home from his lung-function test.
he’s been a smoker for the last 40 years.
YEARS.
anyshit - we both quit 16 weeks ago.
the respiratory therapist we see regularly suggested it.
results are good.

we’re old now, btw.

ALSO THIS,
for future reference

homemade transparent gesso:

1 part water
2 parts cornstarch
3 parts white glue

mix in order.
monkey-around with adding/subtracting ‘til you get the consistency you like.
works well on paper and fabric (or so i’m told, haven’t tried it.).
for opaque (and to use on canvas), tint with white liquid acrylic.

Last updated January 24, 2017