Drew is 22 in The Book of 2019

(This is from New Year’s Eve but I’m posting it here, in The Book of 2019.)

Via FB:

Drew: happy new year 🙂

Me: happy new year to you and jordy! was it a good year? i think some good stuff happened. and when do you EVER hear me say that?! for me it’s: 85 pounds lost (!!!!), more mobility, shorter episodes of crashes in mood, me an’ daddio are enjoying each others company, it’s so quiet! - we’ve been through some SHIT, yo - as you know! plus, we got back here, to MTL, and i am so-so-so glad to be here. it has improved the quality of my life considerably. plus, my father died and it was such a relief. both of my parents are dead and it’s so freeing to let that awful legacy die with them. so, yes, 2018 has been a “good” year. here’s a ramble-y tangent: i follow a woman whose daughter had cystic fibrosis since babyhood. the daughter died in sept - AFTER a double lung transplant - she had a stroke and died. she was only 21. well, her mother is documenting her grief because they have a huge following - a real community that her daughter brought together. she (the daughter) created her own non-profit foundation for CF awareness and advocacy. she was a public speaker. she raised money for families who were bankrupted by CF. ANYWAYZZZZ. in her grief, the mom writes about what her daughter TAUGHT her about life and love. and it hit me LIKE A BRICK. YOU GUYS have taught me so much. all those truth-bomb wisdom-nuggets y’all drop on me. because: as the mom, it’s MY job to teach YOU guys (which i did). for whatever reason, when she wrote that - i had a light bulb moment about youseguyz. YOU’VE taught ME! like, i’m blown away by this idea! to sum up the ramble-y tangent: i am so amazed by all of you. in particular, you. you will make a great teacher (there’s that “teaching” thing again!). you’re already a great leader. plus, as a mom, to lose a kid like that - i can only imagine. i had a very-very rough time with sean. i was so scared he’d die. it’s such a loss - i’m not sure i could survive it. so, yeah - sooper-glad you’re all still here! i’m glad you’re alive! okay… in case it’s not clearly evident, i’m a bit stoned. but still! 😀 its all true. as for NYE… right now, we’re listening to pearl jam. it’s semi-grey-sunny. we just talked about how you, me and dad had NYE here together, in MTL, in 2013-14. that was pretty fun! we have no plans for tonight tho’. there’s a big freezing rain warning in effect. there’s lots to do in this city tonight but i am ALSO old and curmudgeonly and when i think of crowds i’m all: NO. NO THANK YOU. so, we’ll just hang out here, on our googlers in our cozy nest (i bought new duvets at IKEA - OMG SO WARM!). and then, we’ll kiss at midnight. dad just said: “we’ve completed another trip around the sun.” isn’t that cool? OKAY! i am trying to make art but i’m distracted. when i’m stoned, things get super intense for me - like colour and music and words and space. WHAT AM I EVEN TALKING ABOUT?! tell me about some highlights from YOUR 2018! and do you have plans to usher in 2019? okaybye 😍

Drew: omg i just finally read this big long message. you’re so funny and sweet and i love you so much. me and jordan are about to go for a walk but when we’re back i’ll tell you ok? ❤ just remind me!! i am so happy you are alive and that i am too. thank you.

Drew: okay, hello!! we’re back. i am so happy to hear that you’re doing well - to be happy and healthy and feeling alright is really good. i think just feeling neutral is the biggest accomplishment. you’ve been through a lot, you and dad together. and it must feel good to just have a bit of peace now in your most favourite city! with cozy blankies! thank you for the message, it was really touching and i’m happy that we have a relationship, mom. i love you a lot. me and jordan are going to our friend stef’s house tonight for a party - lots of queers!!! it will be good n quiet. and we had a good year!!! me and jordan are so in love every day and we laugh so much and i know i will marry this person and spend our lives together. it’s insane to feel so much love every day after feeling like i never would experience such a thing for 20 years. anyway. we did lots this year. both of us got new and better jobs. i won 2 awards. we went to a ton of live shows. we’re doing well in school. we are figuring out our career paths! i am so excited to be a teacher. jordan is really interested in music production. we have just booked our flights AND our airbnb for paris and it’s insane that it’s actually happening. 🙂 we just went out for a power walk and jog in the rain until it got too cold. we are gonna exercise more this year - in 2018 we went to the gym and we wanna do that more! so much good is coming. i love you mom! nap time now ❤ jordan says hi and they love u 🙂 hi to dad as well.

Me: well, that really IS some good stuff! GOING TO PARIS!!! omg! 😍 i’m so glad you booked it! now it’s real! and i like chatting with you. you’re exceptionally nifty and i’m awfully fond of you. we just went for a walk too… and it is FREEZING and icy and fuck alla that. glad we went tho - i’ve been housebound for a few days because: sick. ugh. so, yeah. i’m glad we have this relationship, too. very grateful. love you too! hi jordan! happy new year!

____________________

My Drew is in bloom.

And I’m having tiny bursts of clarity.
Still finding my feet.

Peter was right when he told me “Suzy… it’s okay. Things are okay.”.

Last updated January 03, 2019