this bitch in Chapter 47

A little bit of backstory for those of you who haven’t got a fucking clue what this is about:

In 2007, after a years-long OD friendship with fellow diarist, Search Results, Peter and I got the opportunity to meet up with her and her wife, Dan, in real life. We were so excited! OMG! Finally we were going to meet face to face!
So, we road-tripped it to Niagara Falls and stayed a night with them at this really great Falls-view hotel. Now… as is my widely known modus operandi when meeting new people, I packed a whack of goodies for our trip. We brought some excellent BC bud for our American friends. We brought good quality Canadian beer and they liked it so much that Peter and Dan had to run out for more! I baked them some of my trademark fucking-delicious-brownies. I even brought them a fat bouquet of gorgeous yellow tulips which we styled beautifully, one by one, in the empty beer bottles.
Then, we got them suitably stoned on that primo bud.
Then, we had a giant greasy pizza.
Then, we played a few board games and, as night fell, we all admired the absolutely spectacular rainbow-lit Falls.
Then, we settled in and had a big meaty social-democrat-leftie-liberal discussion about Dubya’s nightmare regime. We talked about 9/11, the war, marriage equality. We spoke of the similarities and the differences between the US and Canada - about culture, politics and media. It was pleasant. It was stimulating. It was fun. This is why I liked Search Results so much… she and Dan were (are) smart-as-fuck and gave good conversation.
Then, it was 3 o’clock in the morning, so we crashed.
Then, we woke up and shared a pot of coffee before we hit the road.
AND THEN!
There were so many hugs and kisses! Many-many exclamations of ”It was SO GREAT to finally meet you guys!” and ”This was so much fun!” and ”Meeting people from Open Diary is cool!”
Then, Peter and I split.

Two days later, Search Results took it upon herself to write the most vile and nasty entry about us and our meet-up. She called us “socially inept retards” and “anti-American”. It was so ridiculous, I honestly thought she was joking. Search Results had (has) a sarcastic sense of humour and a rapier wit so I even played along initially. I left her notes on this entry, LOL-ing the whole time.

Notes she promptly deleted.

Fellow OD diarist, MaggieTheCat, clued me in and was all…

”d00d, she is NOT joking. She is slagging the fuck out of you and Peter.”

…which shocked me quite a bit. I was utterly perplexed by this turn of events. So, I emailed her immediately and asked her if there was a problem. I reached out to her… y’know… like a fuckin’ grownup. Was there something we needed to discuss? Had we (IMPERCEPTIBLY) offended her or Dan in some way? I was gracious and friendly even though I was thoroughly dismayed and quite hurt, actually. We’d been friends for a few years and now this? It was completely bizarre.

She never responded.

AND THEN! It was a dogpile in her notes about what freaks we were. Scathing, hateful notes littered her entry from people who didn’t even read me or note me, ever. Like, this one stupid bitch left Search Results a note saying: if it came down to it, she’d take off her earrings and put her hair in a ponytail for Search Results. !!! A complete stranger wanted to fight me. LOLOLOLOL! You can’t make this shit up! It even morphed into Search Results blabbing it all over fuckin’ Charmingly Neurotic’s diary for some incomprehensible reason. To get a bigger audience and more notes is my guess. Not sure but it was a total shit show.
AND THEN!!!
Search Results blocked me.

Of course.

(Side note: MaggieTheCat and THREE OTHER OD folks have met me and Peter in real life and can vouch for us. We’re actually not the socially-inept-retard-anti-American monsters she made us out to be in her entry - just in case that wasn’t startlingly abundantly clear. Not that we actually need vouching-for but still.)

So, yeah.
End of backstory.

Which brings us to the present.

Y’know… I don’t usually engage in this type of shit.
It’s toxic and negative and time-consuming and just ridiculously stupid.
Like, I even kinda-sorta pride myself on not arguing with people on the internet even though I’m usually right. I don’t troll. I don’t start shit. I don’t goad. I don’t dogpile. I stay out of most, if not all, comment sections. I don’t respond. I tend to steer clear because fuck. that. noise. Plus, I don’t want to give people the satisfaction of a reply. Plus, I’m just a stinky hippie peacenik at heart.

For this though?
I’ll make an exception.
Here’s a screenshot from my comments this morning:

After I read it, I had some thoughts.
Those being:

I stand by what I said from the beginning.
We had a good time.
And no, we actually weren’t uncomfortable at all. Don’t manipulatively try and insinuate that we were.
Neither were we so glaringly obtuse as to not notice that YOU and Dan were uncomfortable. You and Dan looked like you were more than enjoying yourselves.
Then, you wrote that slanderous, spurious entry about us that only made you look absolutely unhinged and not in touch with reality. Afterward, after people read it, I received many private notes about you. And lemme tellya, it was an unflattering eye-opener.
You attacked and embarrassed us with zero provocation. And for what? All it did was show your shitty character.

I also stand by my other original claims:

Claim 1.
You couldn’t handle the fact that we beat your ass at Trivial Pursuit. Just ask fellow OD diarist, Jhawk!

(Another side note: Leading up to our visit, Search Results bragged about how she was going to annihilate us at Trivial Pursuit. She never lost a game. It was a grudge match that always ended in brutal defeat for her opponents. I was all: ”Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bring it on.” It was a friendly little competitive pre-game trash-talk. All in good fun. Or so I thought. Fellow diarist, Jhawk [a real life friend of Search Results] warned me that Search Results was ruthless at this game.)

And Claim 2.
You couldn’t handle the fact that Peter and I didn’t want to have sex with you - like you wanted us to. Now, THAT was uncomfortable.

”I think we can agree on that”.

And yet, you’ll note that we didn’t blast it all over Open Diary because Peter and I are classy like that.

(Final side note, I swear: The sex thing had been discussed, at length, prior to the meet-up. We all decided to “wait and see” if we were all cool with it, in person. If so, we planned to hook up. And if we weren’t cool with it, if it wasn’t a good connection, that was fine. Our friendship was more important. And that went both ways. If she wasn’t into it, it was fine. And it was the same deal for Peter and me. Not into it? No worries. That was the agreed upon arrangement. Search Results told me - in great detail - that she had done this before with other Open Diary people. For me and Peter it was a new idea we were open to explore but ultimately, we chose not to pursue it with her.)

So.

Fuck your apology, Search Results. And go fuck yourself while you’re at it.
Also: Get over it. Why are you dredging up shit from 2007? Why did you seek me out after all this time? I just took my PB off Friends Only a few weeks ago. Is it just a coincidence that you showed up here and left me a comment like a fucking weirdo?
Also-also: Why have you since deleted this private note? Coward.