Entries 423

Page 4 of 17

I’m doing it again, doubting myself. I had a good week, weeks even, but this weekend has been bad. All I think about is our conversations And my fears. I applied for fall 2022 classes, if everyth...

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J and I had some hard talks today. He worries, that he not only makes me happy but depressed. I guess, maybe. I don’t know but I love J alot, he’s the softest, kindest, man I’ve ever met. I had ...

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J is so so nice ehehe. I was sad and made sure to pout and sniffle and message him. I wanted attention, sympathy and warmth and he immediately showered me with it. Sometimes, I wonder if they i...

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Stalking J’s Twitter is something I try not to do often because I see comments that make me jealous. I used to breakdown with my ex doing this and I remember I laid in bed, crying and screaming i...

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I had nachos for dinners and cheese fries for lunch! Yummy! I haven’t done much today. My brain is still depressed from everything that’s been going on, I started a few assignments for finals tho...

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I had applied for join my university’s newspaper for the summer and I got a interview! So excited so happy! I cannot wait to do it, this is one step towards my dream. But that dream is hanging o...

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Soon it will be J’s birthday! I’m so excited, he said he doesn’t want anything besides me to VA for one of his projects. I’ve never voice acted before but I’ll do it for him. J’s explained he’s n...

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I have had a average time. J is nice, he is such a caring and selfless person. Recently, I’ve started asking online in various reddit and forums how to become unbroken. I don’t like that I have ...

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Life has been average I suppose. I got on my period the day before my birthday so I mostly stayed in my pajamas that day, eating various sweet treats and desserts. I’ve just been talking to J I ...

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And I feel ready. I’m excited but this year I’ll have a meal I can’t wait to eat. I do have to worry about some grades but I won’t let that weight me down, I’ll fight as hard as I can to maintain...

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I get jealous easily. Spent to many entries talking about it to explain why. I feel so hot with a sick fever and jealousy. I don’t care if J has friends but I feel… boiling at some words. I’m je...

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J and I have started to be sexual with one another, it’s a nice change. It’s slow sexting but I feel like I can enjoy it and not depend on being depressed or hating myself like before. J truly is...

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I feel odd, everyone seems to suddenly be so worried about my safety, so worried about my health. And I just feel like, wow this would have been needed months ago. I don’t like telling people J’...

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This is just a notice that I’m still here, so much has been going on.

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I’ve been having a good time with Joseph. Currently doing my laundry today while watching a video about people reading stranger’s diaries and their own from middle school. Honestly if someone rea...

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I feel happy with Joseph. He’s so patient. Recently he shared his sexual fantasies and I admittedly don’t see many of them happening. But he didn’t mind that and instead comforted me and talked a...

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I remember when my great grandmother died. I was living in another part of thestateat the time, going to a early college middle school. That year I had no friends, it was a nice school but I had ...

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It’s a good relationship so far even tho it’s days old dating wise. He’s so kind and talks about communication and how we shouldn’t rush sexual things until I feel safe and can actually give cons...

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Today or well Sunday was slow. I laid in bed alot thinking about things. I’ve kept true to my word and left Joseph alone. I’ll only contact him when he contacts me, because I feel like he needs t...

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Joseph is so fragile right now, it makes me angry at the people that did this. In the past, I’ve written that I needed to tet help for these urges and thoughts. But, Joseph is so hurt by those pe...

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I don’t get why I always get such awful comments about how I want to treat my own body. It’s so random at times, it makes me feel sad and doubt myself but I remind myself that this is me and this...

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I am mentally unstable but stably responsible. I guess sometimes I feel worried how ill be perceived through this diary. But sometimes I feel like it won’t matter. For now, I’m just focused on w...

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Today was quiet. A page I’ve interacted with alot thanked me for being so nice to them. I felt, happy but also sad. Because am I really a nice person? Or just a pretender. Sometimes you find your...

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I thought about something depressing, it’s sad and a bit fucked up. If I had a son I think I’d be scared and abort them. I would feel like I’d be a failure of a mother being scared of men and h...

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It was nice to have one normal year in this chronicle of diaries. Today was calm, I watched some reactions to Euphoria. That was hard with headphones on and a phone nearby…note I never EVER put ...

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