❅journal 2019❅

by HoniBunnyCakey

Entries 116

Page 1 of 5

December 31, 2019


I didn’t get to talk to daddy at all yesterday and it’s all my fault. I think I scared him away. I had this stupid idea… really stupid idea. I talked to Celtic about it and she told me be careful...

December 30, 2019

The Plan

Okay, so I’ve realized I must plan out my matchmaking adventure. I need the three of them in a healthy mindset, good economic place and ofcourse still interested in one another. I’ve decided I n...

December 29, 2019

Emi pt 2

I told Celtic about Emi and she was horrified. She told me that I’m not his toy, that I shouldn’t offer my body to him when he’s upset. It made me feel so bad telling her because I said I wouldn’...

December 28, 2019

Calm Before the storm

I feel as though there’s going to be a rough entry soon, not about me but let’s buckle up. I’m the emotional support.

December 27, 2019


I don’t have a happy place anymore. It’s all gross and mucky and wrong now. But that’s okay. These things happen. I been blacking out a lot. And barely controlling myself from falling asleep. But...

December 27, 2019

Again. Pt 3

Well, that didn’t go as planned. Today I decided to let all my vents out to a friend and what do they do? Ask for a virtual hug. And ignore it. After a while. I gave up my boyfriend ended up read...

December 27, 2019


I’m going to explain what happened on Christmas. So, in my past entry I talked about how this “friend” I had lied about DID. A serious disorder and was basically given a slap on the wrist. She wa...

December 27, 2019

There's a limit

So, I used another diary site before this before goodnight journal. I ended up deleting it because a whole bunch of creeps where commenting once my entire got more detailed and graphic. I regret ...

December 26, 2019

Translations or "Key"

I kinda realized I do have a good amount of people reading this, so I need to set something up so people know who I’m talking about. Xela = Kai = Ali (ex girlfriend) Babi = Chlo IRL BFF = Cousin...

December 26, 2019

Reclaiming the journal


December 25, 2019

Happy Dream

So I had two dreams last night that made me feel super happy and other things. First one, was just me and Emi. He was hugging me close to the point I could hide my face in his chest. I was in a n...

December 25, 2019


A quick wiki search should me how obvious some of my “friends” where manipulating me. It’s sad on my part, I can read people rather easily but not them. Anyway, I remember months ago I said the p...

December 24, 2019


When I was younger and kind of sheltered project runaway and America’s next top model where a dream come true in my eyes. I wanted to be a model so bad I even tried out for American girl doll. I...

December 23, 2019


I still feel bad about last night, I’m hoping I can cheer myself up by eating some food. Though the thought of doing so makes me feel sick to my stomach and mouth taste funny. I don’t know, I’ve ...

December 22, 2019


I ruined our special night… So Isaac had some free time and I messed up. So bad. I touched myself without his permission. I came without permission… I feel so…so dissapointed in myself. I wanted ...

December 22, 2019

I am angry

I need someone to punch me or fuck me or something. I’m upset and that seems like the only thing that will help. I want to do something to give myself pain. I am going to try and finish writing s...

December 20, 2019


Guess who forgot her granola bars~ So I have to wait till when I get home to eat, yes I’m extremely upset about it still. And I forgot my fucking PHONE charger so this phone better not die on me....

December 19, 2019


ISSAC IS BACK. OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. Okay so like he’s back and I’m so so happy. I almost started crying I was smiling so fucking hard I couldn’t contain myself. He’s back and I feel like a piece...

December 19, 2019


Yesterday Isaac came back and talked to me for a hour or two, it was nice. He gave me permission to I guess explore while he’s gone sexually which kinda shocked me. I saw it as cheating, but he s...

December 16, 2019


everything is messy. I can’t think straight. I feel like I’m dying. Everything hurts so bad I want to be loved but Isaac’s gone. He’s never coming back. No one ever comes back…I just want him to ...

December 12, 2019


I have to forget about it. Never again, I’m skipping threw the cracks and people see you as weak that way.

December 11, 2019

Please help

I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m lying, a part of me is hoping I’m lying. I don’t want to be a victim of online sexual assault. I don’t want it. I want to cry and roll up into a ball. My...

December 09, 2019


i don’t know when I started to mix healthy love with hurting. It’s something that’s just happened. Sometimes I find myself wanting to beg my boyfriend to punish me, to make me cry amd suffer beca...

December 08, 2019


i started starving myself because I just wanted someone to finally be proud of me and love me.

December 07, 2019

Ignoring Them

I decided to ignore all my messages notifs basically, I need time to think about stuff. I’ve been thinking about telling my mom about my disorder, but I felt sick. My mother didn’t react to twel...

Book Description

A journal of my personal entries and thoughts locked up in one, soft booklet.