Journal 2020

by HoniBunnyCakey

Entries 105

Page 1 of 5

5 days ago

Explaining Myself.

So, over the past months I would get private comments criticizing my actions. This would bother me a lot, but I tried to bury it down deep and try to push it aside. These things hurt, they hurt r...

September 04, 2020

Im gonna take a break

I dont want to write anymore publicly, everyone probably thinks I’m dirty. I don’t like sex I never have. But everyone probably thinks reading this I’m some whore, so does Kelly probably. I don...

Is that what it looks like? I never thought that…everyone must find me so disgusting....

September 04, 2020


My chest hurts really bad. I don’t want to have sex with Kelly. Or anyone. But then they’ll be upset, I’ve been crying nonstop and my chest hurts so much. I don’t want to lose it, the last pure p...

September 03, 2020


Day and night ut hurts. I am hurting and everyone ignores me, even Kelly. I feel worthlsss. I wish....idk…I’m just full of rage, sadness and rage. It hurts to breathe I’m so upset

September 01, 2020

Talking about mines

They are my friends and I love them very much. Bunny is my bff, she’s smart and cute and I love to imagine myself holding her close. Boolie is very nice too! He’s in college and treats me well an...

August 29, 2020


I thought kelly message today…

August 28, 2020


I feel bad I said something mean to Kelly, I just wanted to sound romantic and maybe idk attention. But they where scared and I felt bad…i feel bad…i started to cry a little bit a go but i covere...

August 27, 2020

The end?

I have my bunny, miles with me. I feel tired…I wanted to talk to Kelly today but it’s okay, I’m not scared. I feel tired, mom’s making me sleep in her room as there’s possibly mold in mine and we...

August 24, 2020


You think about it and it works out better than planned. When I give people the journal I hope , I think they will get it and it never happens. Sometimes I dont think they even read it or care ab...

August 24, 2020


That high is down and I feel miserable again.

August 24, 2020

I finally did it

I sent John the journals, these journals. I’ve wanted to for so long and I’ve been so angry at EVERYONE I can’t take it anymore. I sent him Journal 19, it’s honestly the worse. And this journal ...

August 24, 2020


Mom noticed the scars, I felt ugly. I…I don’t like my privates. It’s weird to describe but I just don’t like them. They are so…them. and I feel uncomfortable when yeah nvm.

August 22, 2020


I just feel depressed honestly About calin. About john. About ali. About July 16th 2019. Senior yeqr. Evrrythibg. I’m so str3ss3d

August 22, 2020

Growing up

I talked to Lynxee today and I felt horrible with how I sounded. He said he would make more time for me but he shouldn’t and I feel awful. Really awful. He’s my friend and I depend on him too muc...

August 21, 2020


Lonely day of not feeling to well. Work work work. Did my first ever collab video and I am sooo happy with the results of it.

I’m upset. ANS was a kpop girl group that I love, I wasn’t in love with them or obsessed, I don’t even know all the members names. But they where talented and had some bangers and deserves better...

August 18, 2020


Another day of being ignored by friends. I don’t know why I even try, seriously I cause myself more harm then good. I just gotta continue with me i guess. I could honestly manifest more friends,...

August 17, 2020


Now their even sadder and it’s all my fault. I shouldnt have even said anything. I feel bad. And I feel the overwhelming feelings starting where it’s hard to talk and I just want to hide. I’m a b...

August 17, 2020


I cant sleep. I’m to wound up about my weight. I’m stressed about it. And I feel bad because my partner felt bad. But I feel ugly now and insecure. I talked to Jason and he was trying to cheer ...

August 17, 2020


They are at a sleepover. At first I felt a bit lonely but then I realized the entire time they probably missed me and I felt better.

August 16, 2020


My friend talked to me about it. I don’t think a therapist would understand. I’m dirty. Inside and out. It’s like poison and it’s like fat. It’s like a phantom limb were you’re constantly fearful...

August 16, 2020


I think I’m finally hitting that weird point that I saw a lot of people hit. It was like people suddenly became really unstable and cold and mean. I keep finding myself thinking…why do I care abo...

August 15, 2020

Worse day

I’m chubby apparently I failed I wasnt.chubby when I was dieting I’m chubby now It’s just a nice way to say fat, obese I felt like vomiting after learning I’m chubby angry at myself. ...

August 15, 2020


This is quick since I’m tired and sick. I’m in a new relationship but I feel like I’ll ruin it. I’m scared. I’m terrified. I feel ugly. And fat and I dont know what to say or when to. And I keep ...

Book Description

My diary from 2020 to 2021