LachrymoseBeauty ⋅

My journals sort through some things, my feelings and my faith mostly. I'm dealing with some major psychological problems but writing it out helps alot. All of these journals are intended to remain anonymous. If you somehow discover my identity please be respectful and keep this space and my thoughts private.

Entries 199

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May 09, 2018

Grey in My Fucking Feelings

Everyday is grey. It’s difficult to motivate myself to do anything. I have a million projects to work on and I finally have some time. Instead I’ve been playing games on my computer. I should tak...

Usually when I lose my job I am sad for a day. I am usually anxious about finding a new job. I worry about paying the bills because that was what my job was. It was a paycheck. But then after I’v...

May 03, 2018

Plea in My Fucking Feelings

I’ve all but given up on diet and exercise. I forgot my medicine today and spent the day praying I wouldn’t sunk from the anxiety and depression. Work has become very stressful with the lack of a...

But it seems like today I did everything wrong. Or maybe someone just decided it was all my fault. Maybe the truth is somewhere in between the two. They took away the only day I work with my frie...

I guess I lost my pin at the show the other night. The one with Austin on it. I shouldn’t have worn it out. :(

I love my job but on fridays the tension builds in my muscles until I feel I could explode. Currently hiding in my car for lunch, hoping the rest of the day sails by fast. How strange is it that ...

April 24, 2018

Fiending in Short Thoughts

You are like a drug that I always need more of.

April 22, 2018

Why!? in Short Thoughts

Did an abdominal work out. Feel like I’m doing. I might puke. I didn’t even finish the darn thing. This is much more difficult than anticipated. Owwww!

April 17, 2018

Must I Beg? in Short Thoughts

Talk to me. I miss your voice.

April 17, 2018

Tired Brain in Short Thoughts

The anxiety and stress is really eating at me today for some reason.

April 16, 2018

1st Date in My Fucking Feelings

I made a mistake. I let myself hope. I forced myself to dream. I saw a life with a guy like you. In the woods, laughing having fun. The dog, the kids, the adventure. I let myself get comfortable ...

April 12, 2018

Fantasy in My Fucking Feelings

I need a vacation. I’m not much of a Cinderella but lately I find myself fantasizing about a mysterious man swooping me off my feet and taking me to the country or the beach or some new exotic lo...

My rain is lieing to me again. It does that. This time it is trying to convince me that everyone in the world is uncomfortable with me. People are all avoiding me it says. It surely must have bee...

A list of quests: Teach me how to make math fun. Give me an article to read with some good advice for my life. Drop me a video of some local rock. Show me a picture from your world. Write me a ve...

April 10, 2018

Dear Readers in My Fucking Feelings

Do you understand how important you are to me? Do you get it? Do you know that I tell you things I couldn’t tell my family? Do you understand that your words mean the world to me? Do you know tha...

Ever watched yourself slowly go insane? Please pray for me. It’s just starting to be too much. I can’t shake it off when people are...

April 09, 2018

Why!? in Short Thoughts

Am I okay? No. Nerves, anxiety Seeing double meanings behind everything. Ahhh brain… It’s sleeping time. Sleep, Please please sleep!

I felt horrible so I went to have a beer and hear you sing. I feel better now. I was glad you were nice to me even though I’m sure you didn’t really want me there. Impressions: You want me to kee...

April 08, 2018

Clouds in My Fucking Feelings

I didn’t go to the prayer meeting today. I got too anxious about it being a new thing. What if they expected me to pray out loud? What if they were trying to pray for only the one thing? I just c...

April 08, 2018

<3 in Short Thoughts

April 08, 2018

The Process in My Fucking Feelings

So what’s a guy got to do to date the Phoenix anyway? Well… We aren’t currently accepting applications but you are welcome to leave a resume on file. The position of potential future husband invo...

All math teachers must be sadistic. And all math lovers are perhaps masochist. (No offense Anon.) But some are worse than others. For instance, when the problem states “give an exact answer, incl...

So naturally as I’m doing my math quiz my brain decides it’s the right time to go over every interaction that could have gone terribly wrong without my having noticed. It ran out of J related int...

It’s one of those days where I’m wondering if I have any real friends left, any close ones. My besties seem to have alienated me. Almost every old reliable friend I’ve ever had seems distant. Not...

April 03, 2018

Math Trauma in My Fucking Feelings

We can joke and laugh but it’s not a joke for me. Geometry. That’s where it all happened. That’s where I lost J. Guess what I’ll be learning in math this week? I thought last week would be the ha...

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