LachrymoseBeauty ⋅
My journals sort through some things, my feelings and my faith mostly. I'm dealing with some major psychological problems but writing it out helps alot. All of these journals are intended to remain anonymous. If you somehow discover my identity please be respectful and keep this space and my thoughts private.
Entries 236
Page 5 of 10
Ripples in Maniacs, Prophecy, and Old Friends
Our words and actions affect the world around us more than we are willing to acknowledge. We can turn people into monsters, creating a backlashing of violent ripples that eventually affect us all...
What is coming? in Maniacs, Prophecy, and Old Friends
How many prophets can one girl meet? How many does she need? What is my place in this? I feel I’m dangling on the edge of insanity. Is my life never normal? Or am I so bored that I’ve fabricated ...
I have to tell him in Maniacs, Prophecy, and Old Friends
I have to tell him tonight. About J. But he told me he wouldn’t want to know. But how can I consider marrying someone who I cant tell everything to. Who doesn’t understand. I cant let secrets com...
Sometimes Life Moves Too Fast in My Fucking Feelings
And I feel like I cant keep up. My son is amazing. Hes learning things that kids twice his age have just discovered. He is so mature. I am so proud of him. My new boyfriend, hes amazing too. He a...
The Phantom in My Fucking Feelings
How do I get you out of my head? I watched Phatom of the Opera today. It’s my absolute favorite. I almost cried. She chose wrong. If that childhood friend of hers loved her so much where was he w...
Stuck on You in My Fucking Feelings
Here I am, aching for you again. Every night is the same. I should just disappear a while. Let you be. Until one day you have the courage to again approach me. It is so very hard to do. For the o...
They say it's PTSD. Silly. in My Fucking Feelings
Sometimes I just want to turn the world off for a while. I sit here thinking of you. I’ve meticulously absorbed myself in video games to keep those thoughts away but they always return. There are...
Tired in My Fucking Feelings
Tired of being strong. Tired of being the happy silly drunk girl. Tired of making people laugh at my expense. Tired of fighting for the attention of the unworthy. Tired of pushing g away those th...
Disappointment in Short Thoughts
I guess I wasn’t invited after all… I hope they are different. I hope they are real. I should know better. Sad.
Wasted Tears in My Fucking Feelings
Memories burn in my soul. An eternal fire that never dulls. A burrow in my heart Like a huge scar That I cover with a sticker See? I’m great! Never better. But the scar never fades The coals neve...
Stress and Feeling Pretty in My Fucking Feelings
I convinced myself to log on and write. Ivr been meaning too for a while I just never get to the writing part. Been having a rough time. My therapist thinks I might have ptsd. I was going to writ...
Tension in My Fucking Feelings
Why do I keep holding onto hope that someday, somehow we will be together? Why does it feel like we were meant to be? That’s clearly bogus. If I could just convince myself the whole thing is craz...
Grey in My Fucking Feelings
Everyday is grey. It’s difficult to motivate myself to do anything. I have a million projects to work on and I finally have some time. Instead I’ve been playing games on my computer. I should tak...
Moving On in Maniacs, Prophecy, and Old Friends
Usually when I lose my job I am sad for a day. I am usually anxious about finding a new job. I worry about paying the bills because that was what my job was. It was a paycheck. But then after I’v...
Plea in My Fucking Feelings
I’ve all but given up on diet and exercise. I forgot my medicine today and spent the day praying I wouldn’t sunk from the anxiety and depression. Work has become very stressful with the lack of a...
I Used to Love My Job in My Fucking Feelings
But it seems like today I did everything wrong. Or maybe someone just decided it was all my fault. Maybe the truth is somewhere in between the two. They took away the only day I work with my frie...
Irreplacable Objects Should Not Be Taken To Bars in Short Thoughts
I guess I lost my pin at the show the other night. The one with Austin on it. I shouldn’t have worn it out. :(
Fridays Suck? in My Fucking Feelings
I love my job but on fridays the tension builds in my muscles until I feel I could explode. Currently hiding in my car for lunch, hoping the rest of the day sails by fast. How strange is it that ...
Fiending in Short Thoughts
You are like a drug that I always need more of.
Why!? in Short Thoughts
Did an abdominal work out. Feel like I’m doing. I might puke. I didn’t even finish the darn thing. This is much more difficult than anticipated. Owwww!
Must I Beg? in Short Thoughts
Talk to me. I miss your voice.
Tired Brain in Short Thoughts
The anxiety and stress is really eating at me today for some reason.
1st Date in My Fucking Feelings
I made a mistake. I let myself hope. I forced myself to dream. I saw a life with a guy like you. In the woods, laughing having fun. The dog, the kids, the adventure. I let myself get comfortable ...
Fantasy in My Fucking Feelings
I need a vacation. I’m not much of a Cinderella but lately I find myself fantasizing about a mysterious man swooping me off my feet and taking me to the country or the beach or some new exotic lo...
The Lies My Brain Tells in My Fucking Feelings
My rain is lieing to me again. It does that. This time it is trying to convince me that everyone in the world is uncomfortable with me. People are all avoiding me it says. It surely must have bee...