ThePhoenix ⋅

I am looking for a journal site to replace Open Diary. The last one fell short. Hopefully this one will be better.

Entries 53

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Another sleepless night. Maybe God’s trying to talk to me. That’s what my mom said. She said if you can’t sleep it means God is trying to talk to you. Maybe I’m just no good at listening. My mind...


I made this secret place for myself, a diary, but then I made it public. I don’t tell people about it so I assume they don’t know. Maybe some people have been clever enough to find it. It’s possi...


Now I know what’s coming for you. It’s him. My old enemy. He has so many names. The deciever masquerades as a mentor. A dealer. A friend. He knew about you long before you came along. Summoned bo...


And suddenly she realises that Phantom of the Opera was a true story. If there was one more act maybe it wouldn’t be such a tragedy. He would miraculously come back to life and the two would be t...


7 days ago

Tired in My Fucking Feelings

Dumping some old entries today. Be patient haha. Really tired of Fake friends Fake smiles Fake sentiment Fake effort Really tired of Crying alone Trying to be strong Responsibilities of any kind ...


The Golden Dime, a Story About Narcassists Once upon a time there was a dime. Who was told it needed to be a quarter. People would say, ‘a quarter is more than twice as good as you. I’d much rath...


What do I fear? ‘This is what you should fear. You are what you should fear.’ -Marylin Manson closed mindedness in the church I often times am afraid to speak of my faith very specifically. Some ...


I always see you. Why are you everywhere? And I know this hurt Is just what you wanted. Make me rue the day, Right? But you have no idea. You couldn’t possibly understand. What pain like this is....


Gloom. Looking around and realising, How alone I am. Fighting all day to be social, Like maybe this will help. At the end of the day, Its all the same. Alone. This is the life of a freak. I have ...


Feeling a cloud of gloom come over my life. I’m having trouble getting a new job. I’m not goimg to be able to pay for college. I’m struggling socially and moat days I’d rather sleep all day than ...


I have found a new direction, new interests, made new goals. This is good right? But a question still plagues me: Is this about me or is it about you? It is okay for you to have influenced my lif...


Nothing I can do for you, Right now friend, So I will let you be, Just do my thing, And be me. I will watch, And I will wait, Try to slow the tides, When the floodgate breaks. Your words are hars...


Stuck in a fog, Having conversations that will never happen, With people who never cared, And aren’t really there. Why should I crave conversation so bad? I know I will not talk to you, Not the w...


You willfully trod on those around you with pride and sadism. You sin freely saying, “God will forgive me.” You drench your heart in sin and your mind in drugs. Your soul is covered in blood. You...


Powder, All over your nose, Makes you feel, The power, But you don’t know. Trouble’s waiting, And its coming for you, I hoped you’d be ready, But you’re coming unglued. Story’s changing everyday,...


July 03, 2017

Maniacs in My Fucking Feelings

If I collected all the tears I’ve cried for you over the years I’d have myself a nice littlw wishing well. I don’t cry on command. I cry when I’m sad. Perhaps I was right in the beginning. You we...


I hate the mask you wear, All the things I loved, Hidden behind the stare. You were perfect, In all your flaws, But the real you, I fear is gone. Everything I wanted, Gone in a minute, Ripped fro...


My soul is at war. The sadist inside screams for malice. But the person I’m becoming will not allow it. The desire to help others fights for control, As apathy tries to stengthen it’s hold. Your ...


I’ve created us a place. A place in a book! What a familiar concept to me. I do not know you. You cannot see my face. Yet I wonder who you may be! Share your writing here, I’ll treasure it foreve...


June 27, 2017

Fuzzled in My Fucking Feelings

I’m feeling a bit… Fuzzled. Perhaps you know what I mean. I cannot quite articulate the feeling. I’m not even sure what is happening in my brain. Things start to slip. Thoughts are not always inc...


At church the other day I met a boy named Michael. We were both wearing band ahirts so he strikes up a convo. Later we end up at the same mystery dinner. Turns out he also loves animals, reading,...


I’ve said it a hundred times and I’ll say it a hundred more. It is good to be home. Pieces are falling into place for me. God is bringing me all the things I need. All the things I asked for. I s...


My friend is struggling with heroin again. How many times have I helped him sober up? Talked him out of his withdrawl? Talked him out of suicide? Let him stay here? Fed him? Encouraged him? And y...


On my mind tonight are queations of morality. With faith in a belief structure to back them. What of energy work? Most chriatians would declare it a hoax all together. They have not seen what I h...


Hard to pin down how I’m feeling. A member of our local music community died yesterday. Not sure how. I didn’t know him very well so I’m not posting my sad farewells on facebook like everyone els...


Books 3




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