Does it Work? in Phoenix Rises Again

A woman said the strangest thing to me the other day. We were talking about prayer. She asked if I prayed and I told her I did and she says, “does it work?”

It took me a while to process the question. She said prayer doesnt work for her and she thinks God hates her. I guess what she meant was “Does he give you what you ask for?” It was strange to think of it that way. Often I’m not asking for anything. I’m just talking to someone who understands. And when I am asking for something it’s usually protection or healing for someone. Or guidance. I think I ask for that alot.

If you said you talked to a friend yesterday and I asked “Did it work?” What would you think of that? Because prayer iant just a one way line to ask for things. Is not a letter to Santa. It’s a conversation. And I wish more people understood to expect an answer, and knew what an answer from God sounds like. There was a time I thought everyone heard him when they prayed. Turns out that’s special. Jay understood. Wish I could talk to him about it. And pray with him, however awkward it may be for me to pray out loud. I’d like to hear how he prays. I wonder if it’s the same as me.

So much crap going on in my life right now. I just wish I had my friend back to talk to. The one who cared. He wanted to know everything about me and my life back then. I bet he could care less now. That’s okay. He has his own life to live and a wife to keep happy. I hope I keep Chey half as happy as he keeps his wife. I wish he could give me advice.

And that he’d publish lyrics to the new songs that came out with the last album.

Back to Cheys tomorrow. Guess that’s home now. But no place feels like home right now. I feel numb. Just pushing through like I have to. Put in my app for pre med today at the last second. Wish me luck.