🌈 JustWillow 🦄 ⋅ 43

Well-behaved women seldom make history…

Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

Entries 160

Page 6 of 7

May 08, 2019

Opposites Attract. in Phoenix

You know, they do, actually. And that’s the problem for me, every damn time. I’ve always picked guys who are the opposite of me. That’s why they all wanted to change me. They were attracted to th...


May 06, 2019

You. in Phoenix

There are so many things about you, so many little things, that you are likely completely unaware of. Things you say and do that move me in ways, and for reasons, that you have no knowledge of. A...


May 06, 2019

Journey, Part 2 in Phoenix

“No one knows my journey. No one single person has the whole picture. No one but me. Many, many people have little pieces, some more than others. But none of them have the whole. So none of them,...


May 05, 2019

Floodgates. in Phoenix

This is breathtaking and hearth-wrenching and devastating and reformative. This is everything. No one has ever loved me like you do. I love the way you love me. It’s breathtaking. No one has ev...


May 05, 2019

Love and IHOP. in Phoenix

I think I know what being in love feels like now. True, honest, pure love. Part of me wants to own you, I won’t deny it. Part of me wants you right now, right here, for always, every minute, for...


May 03, 2019

Unquantifiable. in Phoenix

There is no measurement for this, no frame of reference, no context. It’s all just inconceivable, unimaginable. I literally feel like I’ve stepped into an alternate reality, a different, much bet...


May 02, 2019

Insecurities. in Phoenix

Yeah, I have them, even still. Don’t worry, I wasn’t fooled by my recent good spirits. I knew the things were still there in my mind, the rotten things, in a dark, shadowy little corner. It’s har...


May 01, 2019

Unicorn. in Phoenix

Love is a funny, fickle thing. Of course I’ve been in love before. I mean, right? Of course I was in love with the 2 men I had children with… wasn’t I? Of course I was in love with the man from a...


April 30, 2019

Adulting. in Phoenix

I bought a car today! I went to my bank and I got a loan and I bought a new (new to me and newer than anything I’ve owned in years and years) car! I haggled and got what I wanted for a damn good,...


April 29, 2019

Shame. in Phoenix

I know a lot about shame. I’ve been shamed for many a thing throughout my life. Shamed for the clothes I wear, for the music I listen to, the TV shows I like. Shamed for not drinking more, for no...


April 29, 2019

Who am I? in Phoenix

I have no idea. I don’t know who I am without being abused, without mental illness. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I’m not like… cured of mental illness. If only it were that easy. But, in recent weeks,...


April 29, 2019

Dear You... in Phoenix

You came into my life at a time when I was innocent, naive, ignorant of the ways of boys and girls, men and women. I’ve spent as much time as possible, over nearly 30 years, only being capable of...


April 28, 2019

Good Times. in Phoenix

This entry was inspired by a couple of people. One diary I read here, and… well, almost more people than I could count. Perhaps I should make a list of names. A list of people I feel tremendous g...


April 27, 2019

Peace. in Phoenix

Yep. I think that’s what I’m feeling most of all.


April 26, 2019

Continued Existence. in Phoenix

Something something gazpacho.


April 25, 2019

Proud. in Phoenix

I’ve come a long way, baby. I mean, really. And I’m goddamn proud of myself. I’ve struggled through so much in my life that maybe some wouldn’t have survived. I did, and I’m stronger mentally and...


April 25, 2019

Toxic Masculinity. in Phoenix

Yep. That’s been my downfall. I’ve always been attracted to the wrong brand of masculinity. Repeating the same actions and expecting different results over and over again is the definition of in...


April 23, 2019

Hi, my name is... in Phoenix

I just wanted to introduce myself. You’ve never met me before. I am not who I was. I’m a stranger to myself, a stranger that I’m falling madly in love with. A thing happened and, in a single mom...


April 23, 2019

Raw Masculinity in Phoenix

Raw masculinity is not what you think it is. It’s not what I thought it was. There are at least 2 different kinds of masculinity. There’s the usual kind, or what I like to think of as caveman ma...


April 16, 2019

Oh, Girl. in Phoenix

You’d think by 41 years of age, a girl would know better. Shame on me. So I wrote some days ago about the friend… what did I decide to call him? Oh yes, #3. Yeah, no. I don’t know if I was all ho...


April 15, 2019

Liberation. in Phoenix

So, #2 decided on Friday to be his usual, horrible, terrible, very awful self, and tried to insult me into submission. He said some really rotten stuff about me and my older son, called me all th...


April 14, 2019

Alive. in Phoenix

Is this what that feels like? Kind of like I stuck my finger in a light socket? Full of laughter and happiness and friendship and hope and hunger. So much hunger. I want to do so many things and ...


I feel like I spent far too much of my life rushing towards who I thought I was supposed to be when I should have been looking at who I was and learning how to love that girl. Now, looking back, ...


April 11, 2019

Elaboration. in Phoenix

So yeah, had drinks with… I need to call him something besides “the friend,” don’t I? His name is *. There are a billion of those so whatever. (Editing to say that maybe I should just refer to hi...


April 11, 2019

Intense. in Phoenix

I’m realizing that I’m a pretty intense person. I don’t really know how to dial it back, but I feel like it’s something I need to learn. I’ve always known I was intense on the inside but I guess ...


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