The real me
Entries 98
Page 3 of 4
I have the shakes in Done drinking.
Haven’t had a drink in 2 days. Woke up with my hands and head shaking. I really need to be able to clean this cabin I only have 4 more days here.
Stressing in Done drinking.
I hate packing all my anxieties come out and I put it off to the last minute. I only have 10 days left here in Florida. Cleaning and loading all my stuff I have gathered in the last 4 months fre...
I'm ready to get home but not. in Done drinking.
I love being in Florida for the winter. The last two winters have been great here. But after 4 months I’m ready to see my other horses and my dog again April 1st. Sucks that home is looking to ge...
Can't undo in Done drinking.
So I cut. Nothing major but it hasn’t helped. I want to cut deep. I don’t want to kill myself. If I had the right bandages I would cut my calf deep. I havent felt this kind of need in years. It’s...
Cutting trigger in Done drinking.
I want to cut so bad at the moment.
Lots on my mind. in Done drinking.
Missing all the people I have lost in my life. A post came up on FB who would you like to sit with that is no longer around. This is my response. Mr Stanley drowns. Was a neighbor when we lived...
Scars in Done drinking.
So one of my friends here in Florida finally asked about my scars on my arm. I’m not ashamed about them anymore. The new cuts are well hidden. And only people here know about them. I’m open to t...
Missing my grandparents. in Pridesafiordilabbra
Been thinking of my memere and pepere. And grandma and grandpa lately. I miss seeing them. Talking to them. Doesn’t help the one year anniversary of a friends suicide was the 15th. I wish she ha...
Reality sucks in Done drinking.
Just called my birth mother. We talk every once in a while. Usually never at night. She was clearly drunk. Though she could say the same about me. I try so hard to be sober I usually can make it...
Made it to florida in Done drinking.
Left maine at 830am Wednesday the 30th. Arrived at my cabin at 841am Thursday. We made great time traveling this year. Florida will be my home for the next 4 months. I love it here. This year I ...
Memere in Done drinking.
Memere visited me the other day. I know she’s dead. I have a tattoo of a monarch butterfly sitting on a rose. The other day after my friend worked my young horse u sat outside the barn talking to...
Cutting in Done drinking.
Freaking out about money cutting the shit out of my wrist. Nothing to kill myself. Just the side.
That didn't last long in Done drinking.
Ended up drinking Wednesday night. And have pretty much been drunk since. Sunday will be my shitty day. I am determined to be sober Monday morning. I have tickets for a meet and greet with blue O...
2 days sober in Done drinking.
Oh god this is so hard. I feel like shit. Ready to go out and get more vodka.
Makes the disappointment easier. in Done drinking.
I have my issues. Major depression, major anxiety, borderline personality disorder. They are the big reasons my parents don’t want me to move out. But fuck I would be less then a football field a...
Why do I drink in Done drinking.
I’m drunk of course. It’s going to kill me at this rate. Why does my younger brother get what he wants. All I want is a small house smaller then a double wide put out buy the barn where myself an...
Back in Maine wishing I was still in Florida. in Done drinking.
I have been back since the 1st. And I hate it. Florida was so nice 70 at night 80-90 during the day. Living alone was lovely. Back home and I am already sick of the nephew So clingy and needy ...
I am hurting in Pridesafiordilabbra
Since my fall off the youngster I had been slowly getting better. Today I sneezed and it feels like I’m back at day one. It’s been 2 and A half weeks since coming off the baby horse. And the pain...
Leaving for home on the 30th in Done drinking.
I have loved my time in Florida. It has been warm and wonderful. But I can’t wait to get home and see my family and other animals. I will be making a stop in Virginia to drop off the filly I bro...
Home sick in Done drinking.
I’ve been in Florida 4 months 10 days. And I’m now home sick. I will be leaving here in 19 days. I miss my family and dog. And the two horses I left behind. I’m hoping to get the young horse I ...
Another loss in Pridesafiordilabbra
So over the weekend another high school friend lost her battle with drugs. She overdosed on heroin at 34. The friend who hung her herself had a a public wake this week her sister a good friend s...
:( in Pridesafiordilabbra
regretting where I cut last.
Yes I cut in Done drinking.
I know why I cut myself or hurt myself with salt and ice. I’ve been doing it for 24 years now. 4 weeks ago I had gone 10 months without hurting myself. Probably the longest I have ever gone. S...
Cut again in Done drinking.
Cut again 2nd time in less than a month. The release felt great. Lots of stuff on my mind at the moment. Feeling pissed off and angry. Wanted to scream yell and throw things but cut instead.
Pissed in Pridesafiordilabbra
So I’m pissed. At some point between Monday night and Tuesday night someone stole a few things of mine here at the campground. It only adds up to 50 dollars but still. My stuff has been in the sa...
