Entries 5,373

Page 29 of 215

Considering there are two classic good-bad movies where Santa battles the Devil and Martians, separately, it implies a shared universe where a movie about the Martians battling the denizens of ...

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“I did it on purpose,” an old man in a rumpled windbreaker told a much younger man with a tape recorder and a notebook, in the back booth of Mudville’s Lazy Lunch Cafe, “I threw the damned game. ...

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But what’d be even more terrifying than the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse would be the Four Horsegirls of the Apocalypse. Did we ever get a Ghostbusters / Pac-Man crossover? There’s a lot o...

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The problem isn’t telling rich morons like Trump or Musk what they want to hear so you can take their money. They morally deserve to be scammed! The problem is all the rubes who will believe th...

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SIMPLY / HAVING / A PROBLEM WITH ALL THESE MIMES / SIMPLY / HAVING / A PROBLEM WITH ALL THESE MIMES It’s a cross between “Hooters” and “Chili’s” and it’s called “Fapplebees”. How did they n...

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Breaking news tonight, regarding the tragic train derailment in northern California, where they are still counting the dead: confirmation of the main suspect’s identity in the disaster that spewe...

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If we really want to go into space, have we considered smashing antipasto and pasto together and harnessing the energy of their mutual annihilation? If you’re hired to run a snowplow in the p...

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Must be crazy to be the leftovers after a big delicious meal. It must be like The Rapture but for food. Dating a heating-and-cooling mechanic comes with fridge benefits. The Christmas song ...

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I still like to believe that “The Babysitters Club” was named not after the protagonists but rather the cudgel they shared to bludgeon particularly unruly children into slumber. Did the alt-r...

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A fusion of Gallagher and Jim Gaffigan, “Gaffigher”, who ends every show by smashing a bunch of Hot Pockets. The people at Hasbro are a bunch of Trouble makers. Why call it a “dairy” when y...

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The problem with time-travel is not that it’s impossible. It’s certainly difficult, sure, but far from impossible. Throughout your entire history so far, a few dozen human beings have managed it ...

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Why call it “analingus” when you could call it “taint and sip”? And America can stop pretending to care about soccer for another four years. I would want to say “Work to be kind but have fu...

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In North Dakota, Super Mario Brothers 2 was originally called Okie-Dokie Panic. The greatest name for a punk rock band is, of course, JON ARBUCKLE’S FAT PUSSY. A parody of Paul Simon’s Koda...

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fill me up with wor(l)ds with meanings and perspectives make me multitudes

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My capacity for guilt is bottomless. I just felt guilty for not having heard of a celebrity who passed away. I saw people being moved by his work (I am not versed in recent pop/rap/R&B) and...

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“Life has a way of hollowing you out, if you’re not careful,” he intoned to a packed auditorium, faces rapt in honest attention, “you needn’t be a scarecrow for that to happen to you too.” Since ...

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All I know is that my Winnie-the-Pooh / Little Shop of Horrors mash-up is going to include the song “Suddenly Eeyore”. Tubi or not Tubi? Not Tubi. Definitely not Tubi. Okay, okay, I get the...

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A parody of Ray Stevens’ “Guitarzan” about the near-infinite human rights abuses that had to occur to make the Qatar World Cup a possibility. On those reality shows about plural marriage, it’...

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All this talk about DIE HARD being a Christmas movie, but if you wanna talk about the arrival of a savior who is misunderstood, murdered and resurrected, then the real Christmas movie is THE DA...

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if I’m sent to Hell but only for a little while I hope these negative-windchill Adirondack freeze-out disaster days will at least count as time served toward my sentence

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Note to myself I found in my pocket: “I’m on this Earth to do two things: Help people and drink coffee. And currently I’m all outta people.” I still can’t believe that they called it “Basic I...

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I worry I’m nothing but a totem-pole of affectations, standing atop each other, in a trench-coat. Human-shaped at distance, but the closer you get, the more obvious it is I’m just an exaggeration...

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I think FULL-FAT HIGH-MOISTURE MOZZARELLA is a great name for a band. I just don’t know why the adult film industry doesn’t call their end-of-year awards show “The Peepholes’ Choice Awards”. ...

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How about, like, steam-punk but for the age of media on magnetic tape? Tape-punk? Total early-VHS aesthetic. I think that’d be my throwback aesthetic. Any time a BBQ aficionado refers to them...

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THE SCRYING OF LOT 49 is a lot less complicated than THE CRYING OF LOT 49. She goes to a psychic who looks into a crystal ball and says “it’s a stamp collection”. Easy peasy. With Twitter on ...

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