sayornis
“We are torn between nostalgia for the familiar and an urge for the foreign and strange. As often as not, we are homesick most for the places we have never known.”
Entries 67
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I am now a regular at coffee shops in formless
hoping to drink away my lack of sleep the world feels large and overwhelming I hope this is the right choice I am glad that I had this opportunity to push myself to the very limit, no matter what...
but here we are in formless
California is burning my heart hurts like my lungs as they fill with smoke and somehow there is also numbness it will keep getting worse the roaring flames will eventually take everything everyt...
quicksand. in formless
Sometimes I think this is the only honesty within me the words hiding here, poured out at inconsistent intervals my idea of who I am is changing this program is erasing so much of that numbness t...
in a series of dichotomies there lies reality objects placed in a metaphysical realm I am the literal, the biologist the concrete and measurable looking for patterns and secrets a story untold w...
Hi I am alive and OK I guess I am a month and a half into grad school and it has awakened my soul and also pushed me to limits I didn’t even know I had I don’t have time to write right now but he...
a slow dance inhaling a golden breath of sunshine your eyes are too much for me so many words unsaid so little time you are all the men I had loved the sparkling future almost forgotten find me i...
I am not ok I do not know who to tell I reached out to friends but the time has passed too long this is my fault
coming home in formless
given some time for reflection I realize that I have been buying clothes/makeup because I am lonely because if I dress a certain way, do my make-up a certain way magically I will be happy and fee...
hands down in formless
got in a plane and away we went landed at london heathrow to no internet, to English beaches where the sun sets in the wrong place greenness that feels refreshing and alive compared to my brown...
lost in the light in formless
when you hold everything in it comes in comes bubbling like an angry frothy sea and here I am standing on the edge of a cliff watching my heart my fear splash against the rocks foam churning wa...
do you ever wonder if those instincts you get about someone when they say something and you feel like you know also what they are not saying even when you don’t know them all that well maybe it i...
It's been a while in formless
For a multitude of reasons I guess I have been lost in a sea of my own thoughts tangled paralyzed almost Open Diary let me re-download my old entries and it was like a time capsule for my earl...
think think think I see words filling every crevice slipping down the side of my cup but there is nothing between black curving letters I hear you gasping for air between breaths I feel nothing...
this song makes me think of santa fe but I am here emptiness can be so loud like a thundering vacuum my dissatisfaction with myself feels like 1000 pounds the dry air makes it hard to catch my b...
I don’t think I really mentioned here the bullying I got at my old job I glazed over it it was really bad I had a coworker threaten to leave me bleeding on the side of a mountain I was the but of...
while you wait for the others in We are all ghosts
do you hear the cries soft moans sometimes a hand reaches towards you and you do not know what it means when someone tells you they are not ok they are very much not ok How else can one ask for h...
I went to the mountains to escape and for a moment, there it was, a breath of fresh air and then the smoke settled around us lungs seizing, wheezing and cloudy and that beauty we had sought pure...
and I stood next to a silent sea in solitary darkness waves crashing in smoothness but maybe tomorrow they will be loud and rough in sunlight and the whites of the waves will remind me of the w...
sit next to me in formless
I keep having dreams where my bf won’t listen to me and I get angry this probably directly relates to my life I am a difficult person sometimes when I struggle I tighten into a ball and I won’t l...
los angeles, I'm yours in formless
salty skin tastes like the fire burning hold me tight I am falling my heart was the beginning and not the end do you feel it pounding so as the sun beats us down melting me into nothing silver ...
And she was an angel you once knew in strong hands feathery heartbeats soft and warm fluttering away and she is gone perfect and white whispering all you once knew gasps of air on your neck
9/20/09 in We are all ghosts
memory is a deceptive game it allows enjoyment to seep into wrinkled faces and to give the traveler always a memory of distant places it reminds me of what never again shall be and what we shall...
ain't that a kick in the head in formless
it always surprises me the way that people change as you get to know them nothing is like it’s initial impression I keep a lot of things to myself because I don’t have time to write and I can’t ...
the old lady and the house pt. 2 in We are all ghosts
(this is sort of a work in progress that has been put down and picked back up again many times. Some of the pieces don’t fit perfectly, but I want to get them all typed down before I seam them to...
the old lady and the house pt. 1 in We are all ghosts
Speckled light fell through the lace curtains that she had bought and put up, but never bothered to clean. You could see out the window, but it was freckled with dirt. Pushing back thin greying b...
