sayornis ⋅
“We are torn between nostalgia for the familiar and an urge for the foreign and strange. As often as not, we are homesick most for the places we have never known.”
Entries 61
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Purple hat in formless
I am teaching now. I teach college students, in the program I got my masters in. I don’t feel like I deserve to be here. I was not a star student (solidly in the middle) I am really struggling wi...
Tiny dancer in formless
Time moves in different ways than it used to. There are more things to get through the day, but I am continously alone with my thoughts. I often wonder if I was meant to be here, at this point in...
Patterns in the hills in formless
It’s strange to find myself here again. My son was born on his due date in mid July. I labored for 12 hrs (1pm-1am) before going to the hospital. I chose not to get pain meds ( until I couldn’t ...
Coming through in formless
I am 27 weeks pregnant I don’t know how much weight I’ve gained but it’s enough that my body feels like it’s no longer mine. I had an early baby shower (grandparents leaving the state for 6 month...
don't think twice, it's alright in formless
I have that anxious buzzing feeling like there are too many thoughts in my head so I just avoid them all staring mindlessly at my phone Sometimes when I write why exactly I am feeling this way I ...
Mockingbird in formless
There is a mockingbird outside my window. He fights with the scrub jay in the orange tree, both chattering and obnoxious. Sometimes it feels like the show is for me. I stopped writing, I stopped ...
I don't know in formless
I am 2 months away from finishing my masters degree They will let me graduate but I probably don’t deserve it I am behind on several deadlines and the ones I do finish in time are garbage My hous...
it’s the moments that you almost have, that leave a stinging impression in your mind The person I could have been the life I should have been living everything feels like nothing I can’t believe...
and it was in formless
I play a good victim a smile, but she’s not joking tears welled up in the corners of her eyes tiny shivers of emotions but they are insincere I can see it written clearly on your face You see pa...
the bottom in formless
it is the worst moment to realize that everything is perfectly clear, yet not clear at all You have your answers they are not what you want and it makes this way worse
I am splitting the fractures inside trying to make themselves external I keep hoping that if I hold myself quiet and together for long enough the fractures will heal and things will go back to no...
Ends of the earth in formless
Come and find me where I am true and honest nothing other than what I want to be completely unlike the plastered faces silent smiles that others find the rigid roles we are all forced to play I l...
in the river in formless
you are ok you are here and kind and good love with your whole heart run until your lungs are empty feel the ground beneath your fingers don’t look at that bridge and think of how fast the water...
crystallized in formless
it is a distinct memory a sharply contrasted image of a person I once was the strange joy of driving a forest road at dusk, winding swiftly between trees on a empty road. you don’t say anything, ...
there is a stillness in me in formless
a fragile nature that creeps in slowly maybe I am glass shattered in the moments you least expect a fantastic explosion maybe I will withstand time and carelessness a delicate heirloom to be pass...
scrape yourself against the crust of the earth the dust of thousands of years burning your lungs feel the rumbles ever so slightly each fingertip on it’s own she is the one that holds all the po...
it is hard to move forward when your strongest personality trait is self deprecation tomorrow I will turn 26 I don’t know where I expected to be at this age was I supposed to be married? Have kid...
I have been 1000 people worn 1000 faces I can be beautiful I can be ugly I can be smart I can be a coward A fact in denial: You deserve to feel shitty about yourself if you do shitty things He is...
Gasping for air lungs on fire one arm in front of the other I am slow and struggling Have I done this before? pushed down under the surface it roils and boils against me I used to love it in clea...
I am now a regular at coffee shops in formless
hoping to drink away my lack of sleep the world feels large and overwhelming I hope this is the right choice I am glad that I had this opportunity to push myself to the very limit, no matter what...
but here we are in formless
California is burning my heart hurts like my lungs as they fill with smoke and somehow there is also numbness it will keep getting worse the roaring flames will eventually take everything everyt...
quicksand. in formless
Sometimes I think this is the only honesty within me the words hiding here, poured out at inconsistent intervals my idea of who I am is changing this program is erasing so much of that numbness t...
in a series of dichotomies there lies reality objects placed in a metaphysical realm I am the literal, the biologist the concrete and measurable looking for patterns and secrets a story untold w...
Hi I am alive and OK I guess I am a month and a half into grad school and it has awakened my soul and also pushed me to limits I didn’t even know I had I don’t have time to write right now but he...
a slow dance inhaling a golden breath of sunshine your eyes are too much for me so many words unsaid so little time you are all the men I had loved the sparkling future almost forgotten find me i...
